Hi, I’ve been having intense anxiety today about past events. As a child I would have intense periods where I would obsess about bad things I did in the past and confess them all to my parents and sometimes to friends. I’m having another such period now, but I think the things I’ve done that I’m obsessing over now are absolutely horrid. I confessed a few such things to my mom a few months ago but there’s more things to confess now and I can’t tell if I’m a horrible, disgusting person or if I’m just obsessing and should keep things to myself, like they might pass soon. I think this is OCD but I’m feeling extremely anxious right now.

ddimart

Date posted: 5y

I feel you so much. my ocd has hooked onto my past events and make me feel horrible and like there is no way out

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

What clues did you notice that make you think it's OCD?

Mason

Date posted: 5y

I won’t be able to stop obsessing of the past events, I ruminate on them for hours, thinking about what I did, wondering how terrible it was, how I badly I hurt someone, and I confess the events to try and feel better. When I confess I usually feel better but then think of other events and the cycle repeats. This causes me to think that the rumination and confession might compulsions and that this might thus be OCD.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Mason That sounds like solid reasoning to me. What do you know about the recommended ways to respond to OCD?

Mason

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I’ve read that you should live with uncertainty from obsessions. So for me I guess I should live with the uncertainty that I might be a monster and may have hurt someone really bad instead of confessing what I’ve done.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Mason I'd live with the uncertainty that you may have unintentionally harmed someone. I would challenge the thought that doing so makes you a monster. There's no reason to call yourself names

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

For example. I know, for sure, that I hit my little brother in the head with a metal baseball bat when I was in fifth grade. It was an accident. He was in kindergarten and didn't realize standing right behind the batter was a bad idea. We reminded him again and again, but one time he sidled up behind right as I swung. He shrieked so loud. My mom came outside and took him to the hospital. He had a concussion and cracked skull. This humongous purple lump swelled up on his head, like in the cartoons. He was embarrassed to go to kindergarten. I felt awful. Didn't pick up another piece of sports equipment for years. And now, I'm ok with it. Honestly, I think about it way more than he does. Whenever the thought pops into my head, I feel a panf of guilt, then move on. I don't think labeling myself "a monster" would do him or me any good

Mason

Date posted: 5y

That makes sense, it’s like I’m obsessed with things I’ve done but eventully my obsessions will probably pass on their own without me confessing. Thank you for chatting with me, it really helps.

chickenmomma

Date posted: 25w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

Michele32

Date posted: 21w

Compulsions

Less than a year ago, I had a very big anxiety flare up to the point that I felt as though I needed to report to the police / harm myself. I ended up leaving an anonymous tip at the police hotline about something that I know I didn’t even do but everything told me I had to or else I will go to jail. And similarly after that I called the help line and explained I had unwanted intrusive thoughts and I didn’t think I deserved to live for having those thoughts. After these many months and working with my therapist, I’ve been able to feel a lot less anxious around this topic and now I’m getting lots of anxiety about what I did that time when I was so anxious. I gave in to my compulsions and confessed for stuff that I know sounds bad saying out loud but only certain people will understand I would never do. So now I’m just looking for someone to relate and perhaps let me know that I don’t have anything to worry about? I know it’s bad to seek reassurance but I’m not sure where to go. And I’m worried I’m going to keep incriminating myself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5w

Real Event OCD

Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.

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