Hi, I’ve been having intense anxiety today about past events. As a child I would have intense periods where I would obsess about bad things I did in the past and confess them all to my parents and sometimes to friends. I’m having another such period now, but I think the things I’ve done that I’m obsessing over now are absolutely horrid. I confessed a few such things to my mom a few months ago but there’s more things to confess now and I can’t tell if I’m a horrible, disgusting person or if I’m just obsessing and should keep things to myself, like they might pass soon. I think this is OCD but I’m feeling extremely anxious right now.

ddimart

Date posted: 5y

I feel you so much. my ocd has hooked onto my past events and make me feel horrible and like there is no way out

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

What clues did you notice that make you think it's OCD?

Mason

Date posted: 5y

I won’t be able to stop obsessing of the past events, I ruminate on them for hours, thinking about what I did, wondering how terrible it was, how I badly I hurt someone, and I confess the events to try and feel better. When I confess I usually feel better but then think of other events and the cycle repeats. This causes me to think that the rumination and confession might compulsions and that this might thus be OCD.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Mason That sounds like solid reasoning to me. What do you know about the recommended ways to respond to OCD?

Mason

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I’ve read that you should live with uncertainty from obsessions. So for me I guess I should live with the uncertainty that I might be a monster and may have hurt someone really bad instead of confessing what I’ve done.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Mason I'd live with the uncertainty that you may have unintentionally harmed someone. I would challenge the thought that doing so makes you a monster. There's no reason to call yourself names

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

For example. I know, for sure, that I hit my little brother in the head with a metal baseball bat when I was in fifth grade. It was an accident. He was in kindergarten and didn't realize standing right behind the batter was a bad idea. We reminded him again and again, but one time he sidled up behind right as I swung. He shrieked so loud. My mom came outside and took him to the hospital. He had a concussion and cracked skull. This humongous purple lump swelled up on his head, like in the cartoons. He was embarrassed to go to kindergarten. I felt awful. Didn't pick up another piece of sports equipment for years. And now, I'm ok with it. Honestly, I think about it way more than he does. Whenever the thought pops into my head, I feel a panf of guilt, then move on. I don't think labeling myself "a monster" would do him or me any good

Mason

Date posted: 5y

That makes sense, it’s like I’m obsessed with things I’ve done but eventully my obsessions will probably pass on their own without me confessing. Thank you for chatting with me, it really helps.

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