The constant thought I'm facing today is, what if I'm a bad person? Ughhhhh

Exactly. And don’t get caught up in “but what if I do a bad action?!” Right now, examine the evidence. If in THIS moment you haven’t committed what you would consider a bad action, give yourself a break. You deserve it. It’s so hard beating yourself up all day for things you haven’t done!

@199903 Yes action, or more so inaction is what I'm ruminating over right now :(

I did ERP today and it made everything worse :(

@MJocd This is what happened. I made a post earlier. I dont understand how ERP is supposed to work if it gives me this much moral ambiguity:/ that I want to avoid it anyway. Here is my earlier post: I have moral/responsibility OCD and I constantly feel the need to report things online where I feel someone may be going against the rules/regulations. Or something may be inappropriate/illegal (even if I'm not sure) I avoid most websites, mainly porn sites where I feel the likelyhood of coming across something like that is higher and gives me so much anxiety and fear. Anyway, because I dont feel comfortable going on an actual pornsite, I've been going on a erotic literature site (literotica) for ERP. Literotica states in all its stories the characters depicted are 18+. I was scrolling past the stories today and came across a title where there was an alice in wonderland themed story. I'm assuming the characters would be depicted 18+ otherwise it wouldnt have been allowed but the title creeped me out. I didnt click the story so I have no idea what was said in it. My brain is saying you should have reported it, just incase. But the whole point of ERP is not to do your compulsions. I cant stop ruminating on it though. I keep thinking I should go back and report it as I cant be sure all characters in the story were depicted as 18+? Ugh I've been ruminating on this for hours now.

@MJocd Hmm. Are people who don't report a literotica with characters under 18, bad people? What does being bad person mean to you?

@MJocd Kudos on you for not clicking it to verify if it was 18+ or not. The ruminating sounds like compulsions though. I would agree with whatever lies my OCD is telling me. If it's telling my I'm a bad person, I'd say I agree, I've done a lot of bad things such as not reporting that story. I am a horrible person. You will 100% feel anxious but then over time realize that it's not true. None of it is true. You are human and flawed like the rest of us. Good luck!

@Louw Idek anymore, I just think I'm a bad person and that's a definition of a bad person and everyday whether I try or not I'll accidentally do things which are considered bad so I cant ever escape it, and its maddening tbh :(

@MJocd Ahh, you know that everybody does things every day that some people might consider bad- we all have our own ideas of what bad actions are. I'm just not sure that not being a perfect person= you're a bad person. That sounds like an underlying feeling which is grasping onto all sorts of things as evidence, it's tempting to counter it with good things you do but I suspect that would be playing into OCD's black and white game. You don't need to be a perfect person. As you've kinda articulated there, nobody is. Sometimes it's by accident and sometimes we just have selfish moments. Neither of those things makes a person bad. Only human. I know you feel trapped, but it really is OCD presenting you with this dilemma. It might be time to stop trying to work out if you're a good or a bad person, and just go forward doing your best to do good actions but having a little self compassion when you make a mistake. Whether the mistake is accidental or deliberate or a bit of both doesn't really matter. It's ok to make mistakes and not be perfect. You're not the only one who isn't perfect, you don't need to be.

But my thoughts are all about my actions, and whether they're good actions or bad actions. I cant even cope. I feel like such a fraud when I talk about God or anything good with my family, as I believe I'm the opposite of it. Today I had an intrusive image of the devil being inside me, and it scared me :(

@MJocd This is a common fear I’ve heard about with religious and moral OCD. There are many exposure ideas for moral OCD that a specialist can help you with. Also remember, OCD is all OCD. I know it feels important, but the content doesn’t matter. It’s all treated the same, and it IS treatable. Good luck ❤️