My girlfriend have anxiety and ocd, I want to help her as much as I can but sometimes I feel exhausted. She can be very distant with me and won't open much. She sometimes says she don't know what make her stressed and start her ocd and I believe her, but I also got the feeling that sometimes she just don't want to tell me. Any of you here are in couple with someone who have ocd and got some advice for me? Thanks

Thanks, she is open to talk about her anxiety and ocd but not everything I guess. Sometimes it's hard to feel pushed out when all I want is help her

@Theboyfriend i know, it’s super frustrating sometimes but just know that it’s not ur fault and it’s not her fault either. it’s just how it is. only help her as much as she lets u

@zoya You have ocd and anxiety yourself?

@Theboyfriend yes i struggle with both and also depression. my boyfriend doesn’t bring it up unless i do because he doesn’t wanna overstep so that’s kind of our unspoken rule. but he’s always comforting and never gives me reassurance (except at the very beginning)

@zoya Thanks for opening up to me. I have trouble not giving reassurance as my girlfriend is always afraid that I'm going to go look for another women or that I'm going to find other women more beautiful then her. How am I supposed to say nothing and not reassure her that I like her and find her beautiful?

@Theboyfriend i can understand how that’s scary. however, i’m sure you’ve told her that u won’t leave her before, so when she repeatedly asks u the same question again and again despite u always assuring her that ur not gonna leave, that’s when it becomes reassurance. it’s like a one and done deal. you told her once and that’s it. any time after that, if she asks u the same question, u can assume its reassurance and it’s a compulsion. it’s super important not to give in because i know how badly she’s hurting (i deal with the same intrusive thoughts) but u reassuring her is only gonna make her worse, not better. it seems counterintuitive but i promise u by refusing to reassure her, you are helping her in the long run. ofc you can still be there for her and support her in other ways but just be weary of her asking repeated questions where you’ve given the same answer every single time

@zoya What am I supposed to answer when she ask the same question again and again? One of the questions that always come back is if I find other girls beautiful. She will ask it when we go out together, when we watch the TV, when I go out alone, etc. She is always worried that I'm going to find other women beautiful and I'm going to look at them. And to be honest my girlfriend is very beautiful and I'm also afraid she is going to look elsewhere and talk to other guys... I don't ask her all the time but by example yesterday I was worried because she told me a guy at work asked her colleague her name because he found her attractive, I worry that she's going to talk and flirt with him. So I usually reassure her not only for her but to make sure she won't have the temptation to go look elsewhere also.

@Theboyfriend just respond with “maybe, maybe not”. i know it seems super cruel but trust me that’s the only way u can respond and im sure she knows that. ofc ur afraid of the same thing! the thing with intrusive thoughts is that everybody gets them, even people without ocd. the problem is when we start obsessing over them and attach meaning to them. as someone without ocd, u just brush it off cause u know it’s just a silly thought and that ur gf would never leave u. however, for her, it became obsessive cause she responded to that thought with fear.

@zoya I guess I should discuss the topic with her before? I already tried to tell her maybe, maybe not and response like that but she keep pushing. She also won't accept the response that the girl is normal. She absolutely want me to categorize her as ugly or beautiful, there is no in between.

@Theboyfriend unfortunately, ocd doesn’t work on logic. no matter what the response is, she’s gonna keep pushing. u could do everything in ur power to convince her that u won’t leave her but ocd is always gonna convince her ur lying. the best thing u can do is keep insisting “maybe maybe not”. if u keep doing it she’ll give up and slowly stop asking u for reassurance

@zoya I'm just afraid she will give up on our relationship if I give up answering. Im afraid she will feel like I find other women more beautiful then her and that I'm not honest enough to tell her if I just answer maybe maybe not

@Theboyfriend i know, but when u give her reassurance you’re only making the situation worse for her. i’d recommend for u to rlly rlly get educated on ocd and find out how it works so that u can understand how reassurance is just making her suffer more. relationships are complicated and when u add mental health to mix, it just makes it even more complicated so i understand why ur scared. she also needs to learn to not come to u for reassurance. she’s only putting more strain on ur relationship. im sorry if this sounds mean or rude but i’m speaking from personal experience. i almost lost my boyfriend because i kept confessing to him and asking for reassurance and it really took a toll on him. so i knew that i couldn’t keep this up anymore. somethings are hard but i’m sure u guys both love eachother very much and want to see the relationship grow. in order to do that u have to stop giving reassurance and she needs to stop asking for it. check out the youtube channel called Awaken into Love. they do a good job at educating on relationship ocd. also check out chrissie hodges on youtube as well as the ocd stories. it helps if ur educated about it

@zoya Thanks very much, you're not rude at all. I'm here to get help and get educated so I'm glad I can get help from your similar experience

@Theboyfriend ofc! idk if u use twitter but my username on there is @bigt1ddiegf if u need to reach out to me and my instagram is @geniefactories

@zoya I don't use Twitter and Instagram but we can keep talking on here. I began to watch the video of awaken into love that you told me. Do you think I should watch them with my girlfriend? I dont really know how to tell her she should work on herself. She had done therapy in the past, she says she changed a lot but there is still lots of way to go.

@Theboyfriend i don’t think u should watch them together. u should just keep encouraging her and supporting her throughout her journey. is she seeing an ocd specialist?

@zoya She saw a therapist in the past but not specifically for ocd. You don't think she should watch does videos?

@Theboyfriend u can tell her about them but i don’t think u guys should watch them together because it can create arguments. also i think she should see an ocd specialist bc regular therapists don’t know how to treat it and could be making her worse. nocd offers $50 therapy sessions

@zoya You used nocd therapist yourself?

@Theboyfriend im about to!

@zoya OK, please keep me posted of your experience.

@Theboyfriend of course!