I gave into my online reporting compulsion again. So I have moral/responsibility OCD and I constantly feel the need to makesure everyones following guidelines and is safe. The internet feels like a scarier place to me where there is more chance of coming across something inappropriate so I always feel the need to report things (I dont always report them though, I just ruminate on whether I should have or not). So in response to that, I avoid adults sites where I think the risk is higher of coming across something inappropriate. I was using literotica (erotic story website) for ERP and I came across a story that just seemed inappropriate, I didn't read it thoroughly enough to know but it mentioned horses breeding and it just didn't sit right with me. It seems to go against the guidelines. I reported it, saying it seemed inappropriate and mentioned animals and now I feel guilt for reporting it to the site because it may not have actually been against the guidelines. I dont think literotica is good for ERP, but porn itself terrifies me so this seems to be a good second option but idk anymore. Its 9am now and I feel like all I'm going to do is ruminate on whether I'm a bad person for : 1) even coming across the story 2) whether I've falsely reported a story which wasnt even inappropriate 3) if it was inappropriate then does that make me a bad person for coming across it???

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I do suspect that you're reporting inappropriately when something triggers you but likely isn't against the guidelines. Bestiality may be, but unless it was an eroticised description of them breeding then a mention that the horses were at it in the shed wouldn't seem to qualify. Just like a pamphlet on horse breeding or a joke about bestiality in a comedy show wouldn't qualify. The guidelines are meant to prevent descriptions of things which are illegal, like of human-animal sex acts and other things which are obviously inappropriate like detailed eroticised descriptions of sex between animals. But it's important to also remember even if you acted on a trigger, you don't need to feel guilt about reporting it- the mods will take a look and just remove the flag, you haven't done something wrong and it's not going to help you to beat yourself up about having done it even if you feel sad that you didn't succeed with the ERP. Literotica does seem like a good choice for ERP, it's just scared you that's all. But perhaps there could be a lower step, maybe something like 'safe' erotica which has mentions of topics that you would find triggering in this context but which wouldn't meet the bar of describing or condoning the thing. Like erotica where a person mentions that they or someone else were abused as a child or where their pet cat or dog is in the room during the sex scene etc. If you like, I could have a scout around to find some, or find some 'safe' erotica and add lines in which mention the topics if you like? And obviously you know that you can't control what you come across. If I was on literotica and started reading one which looked good and then read something which was actually illegal or inappropriate, would you think I'm a bad person for not being able to predict the future?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Hello again, and thankyou again, It seemed like a safe story to begin with, it seemed to have almost 5 stars and comments etc, so I took it as a safe story. I really didn't see it coming that the person would start describing the horses -_-. I skim read it, it freaked me out so I just flagged it because it seemed inappropriate. I didnt read it long enough to predict whether it was going to become sinister or not but it seemed to be pointing in that direction. However you're right, I was more so triggered than sure it went against the guidelines. It was a story published in 2003 so if it lasted that long on the site then I dont know what to think :/. But you're right, if someone were to read a story on literotica that was titled perfectly fine and it started describing something inappropriate/illegal as the story progressed, I would not think they were a bad person since they could not have known what they had clicked on to read, and also they're on a site where it states such material will not be allowed. So It's not their fault, they cant predict the future. I dont why for some reason my brain cannot register that same level of understanding applies to me aswell! I blame myself if I've unknowingly stumbled across any sort of moral ambiguity. The more I want to prevent harm and be safe and keep others safe, the more moral ambiguity arises everywhere. It's really like you cant win. For some reason my brain actually perceives me as blame worthy, or the reason for something evil existing in the world and for coming across it. I really appreciate you suggesting that you would do that for me as an ERP exercise, I really do and that's kind of you, and I can totally see how that would work because of the anxiety it would create. But for now I think I'm going to take a break from, and try scripting possibly? Maybe the scripting exercise where you write your worst fears. Maybe I could describe coming across something inappropriate and how I feel and why I feel morally responsible in some way. Maybe I could describe me not reporting it and how that felt. That might be good ERP. I've only just been able to properly write down these things and type them out, for a long time I even feared writing these things down. So that may be good exposure. I dont know why I'm like this, I had zero problem with literotica a few years ago, infact I enjoyed it and thought it was way better than visual porn. OCD has ruined it for me as I'm constantly looking for threats and possible danger.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I still cant seem to get over it :( I've really paid too much attention to the thoughts today that it potentially makes me a bad person for coming across that story. I want to "confess" to my family but I wont as it will make me feel worse :( but then I have the thought, me keeping this to myself means I have something to hide etc etc which I obviously dont :( Ughhh. Its literally not my fault I came across that, I obviously had no intentions of doing so. I was looking for a extremely safe mundane story. My thoughts keep telling me, "what if you've done something wrong and now there will be consequences for your actions?" It never fucking ends does it? If one obsession ends, another starts. It's like these uncomfortable things are purposefully brought to my attention to keep me ill with OCD. And because its it's a real life thing, it makes me question everything :(

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