I can’t handle the internet and I can’t handle adulthood and I can’t handle bpd or ocd. Therapists and medicine can’t protect me. I have to fend for myself. I am genuinely depressed and constantly scared My every movement on the internet is being watched. I miss being a kid when I didn’t care and didn’t know anything including the scary dangers of the world. I just wanna go back and I can’t and I feel alone including in the emotional department. Sometimes I just really need a big hug and to be shushed and told everything will be ok but there’s no one to do that. I feel sick and tired of everything. I’m relapsing so bad with my ocd as of late. I’m TIRED.

It’s scary I feel like everythint ive ever seen on there will come back to bite me even if I didn’t ever mean to see it and the stuff I see stresses me out. I’m an artist and if it wasn’t my only career at the moment I’d take a break. I’m simply freaking out bc I posted my art and saw two lightning bolts on the fingernails I drew and realized wait could that mean something and lost a follower so I’m freaking out about every mistake I ever make.

@Mars What does two lightening bolts mean? I have those feelings too, that I'll face consequences for things I've come across that I didnt ever mean too come across. But it's not a rational way to think, you wont face consequences for coming across things you didnt mean too. I am an artist aswell, it's okay people lose followers all the time, I lose them on instagram all the time. Dont over think it x

@MJocd It’s apparently a nazi symbol but like the lightning bolts I drew weren’t even rly next to eachother they were on two different nails I’m just overthinking and losing the follower triggered my ocd :( I’m constantly terrified of being a bad person. I don’t want to hurt ANYONE. I just wanna draw cute stuff and talk about video games online. I have a slightly big following and I might end up with a bigger following soon bc of popular artist friends and I’m appreciative and always wanted to have people see what I create but god the thought of a bunch of eyes on me is TERRIFYING.

Thank you, I had some bod issues last night and I actually won over them. It felt so so good. It was like BPD 0 ME 1. I was really upset at friends and wanted to be passive aggressive and lash out bc I didn’t know how to express my anger healthily but I said NO despite what the urges said. I stepped away until I was calm enough to healthily talk about my emotions.

Bpd* not bod

@Mars Hell yeah. That's working on boundaries and not hurting yourself or others even when your emotions aren't well regulated, that's so hard to do and really important. I believe you can also develop strategies for regulating overwhelming emotions and developing a more generally even keel too. Hell emotional processing we do for OCD is just as effective for all strong emotions which try to dictate your actions even when they're not OCD. Proof is in the pudding, BPD can absolutely be treated. It think honestly it's nitpicking to talk about whether OCD or BPD can be "cured". Once you've learned how to manage them and you do it consistently and develop a lifestlye and support network which supports your mental health, it's moot asto whether it's "cured" or not. Some say "well it can come back if those things fall apart" but the truth is anyone can develop mental health issues at any point in their life. Frankly people who know what their deal is and know how to manage it are in a much better position than someone clueless about mental health who suddenly develops a mental health condition.

@Louw Yeah I was so much worse before I got diagnosed with bpd and hurt people I loved but now I’m able to start treatment and learn coping mechanisms. I know it may never go away or I can relapse easily (like I am with my ocd rly rly bad as of late) just one step at a time to do coping mechanisms.

@Mars It sounds like you're making progress btw. Your original post sounds like you feel very hopeless but it seems like you did great even as recently as last night. It's not all or nothing, not being cured already or it not going as fast as you'd ideally like doesn't mean it's ineffective or you're doomed. Definitely build on that success, you'll be very pleased with what it turns out you actually can handle. I've found that a therapist (or in one case, my friend) only works for me once I've built trust by them showing consistently good boundaries and compassion and I feel like they're a safe person. Ideally it's actually like having a loving, stable parent- you get to venture into the unknown and come back and tell them how it went and get their support and encouragement. It can be very healing. You may just need to find the right person.

And you can't report anything. I tried calling Instagram directly and everyone is gone.