Yesterday, through no fault of my own, I came across something inappropriate online, I reported it to the website. My brain will not, no matter what let it go. I feel so upset over it. It keeps coming back to me. I keep having "what ifs?" about it, what if someone thinks im to blame? Even though I reported it. I know its irrational but that's how my brain works. The worst thing is that was during ERP so it just made everything worse. Feel like I cant trust any website online. I felt better yesterday night, someone told me that i did the correct thing and now it's time to let it go. I cant let it go though. Today was better but it keeps coming back.

Yes, definately. Someone on here said that some people would not have even have bothered to make the effort to report it.

Also sounds like reporting it may have been a compulsion if it made you feel like you weren’t a bad person because you reported. Could you possibly not report it if you come across something similar in another exposure ? Obviously we don’t know what it is so you’d have to use your own judgement. Like the other person said, people come across things all the time and ignore it (don’t bother reporting). It doesn’t make them a bad person.

@alex1 ∆∆∆alex2 just said what I was thinking

@alex1 It is a compulsion. That's why I was doing the ERP, to stop myself from reporting things or feeling the need. As so many of my obsessions fixate on memories where I feel that I failed on reporting things and therefore failed to prevent potential harm (moral/responsible ocd). Anyway, I avoid all adults sites because I feel the risk is 100% enhanced to come across something innapropate. So I did ERP with erotica, on a literotica website that has guidelines and rules for characters in the story or what is described. I clicked on a story and it mentioned horses and some weird description which obviously went against the guidelines so I had to report it. It really freaked me out and I cant stop freaking out over coming across it :( it was distressing. I only skim read it before I reported to so I cant even be 100% of what it said but it was obviously inappropriate. I just cant let the experience of that happening to me go. :( idek what to do.

@MJocd Are you working with a therapist? Maybe your exposure is too high on your hierarchy? Maybe there is something else that would induce less anxiety that you can build up to with this exposure that you did yesterday being your next step?

@alex1 No I'm not. But I do realise it was probably to high for me. So I have decided to write scripts about me coming across something horrible and not reporting it and sitting with those feelings as an exposure. But the thing is, it doesn't change the fact of what actually happened yesterday and I feel guilt for it? Even though the rational part of me knows I am not to blame, and no person in their right mind would actually blame me for coming across it when I'm on a safe website. However, obviously I'm just fighting inside my brain with these thoughts. Idek what's real anymore. Am I to blame? Am i not? I dont know anymore.

@MJocd The scripts is a good idea. You're learning from experience now and adjusting your plan

@NOCD Advocate - Katie But I still dont know if I'm to blame or not? And for some reason I feel like im not allowed to move past this.

@MJocd Maybe you're to blame, maybe you aren't. That's part of what you need to sit with