Since I was diagnosed with OCD about a year and a half ago I have experienced many different shades of OCD. Death was my first obsession. Then after that I struggled with harm OCD and now I am currently experiencing harm OCD/ hit and run OCD. Before my divorce when I just started experiencing hit and run OCD it got to the point where my wife had to drive us everywhere because I stopped driving due to my obsession of the thought that I might hit and run over a pedestrian. Since my divorce a year ago I have started driving again but I still struggle with my same obsessive thoughts regularly. There are times when I’m driving and I tell myself “This is the last day of my OCD and it’s compulsions.....” Then shortly after that I know I’m lying to myself because right then I will drive past a pedestrian on the sidewalk and have an obsessive image of myself turning the steering wheel and running over the person. The instant oncoming of anxiety that washes over me for just thinking such a thing is enough to FORCE me to look in the rear view mirror to seek reassurance for in an attempt to relieve the overwhelming anxiety I get from the spike/obsession. I always tell myself that if I just look back it will get rid of my obsession and anxiety.......but it’s all a lie...the compulsions never promise any ray of hope I have found out yet....it seems to be the only thing we have...Once I look back and give in to the compulsion and I actually see with my own eyes that the person on the sidewalk is walking along just fine I get a glimpse of anxiety relief.....but once I get about a mile away my next obsessive thought hits me....”What if the memory you have of seeing that person walking and being just fine was a false memory created by myself to cover the actual event in which I actually ran over that person.....” Then the rush of anxiety hits me again and then my compulsion comes in the form of mental reassurance in which I review the situation and assure myself with everything I can remember that everything was just fine”....this cycle is never ending....my OCD jumps from one medium to the next. I have even experienced Pure O symptoms where I’m watching a news program and see the news anchor speaking then I immediately have a mental image of harming that person. My anxiety then goes sky high and I then perform a mental compulsion that says to myself “You have been sitting on the couch the entire time....that news anchor is several states away....there’s no way that you could have harmed that person. They are to far away and you would have remembered traveling some 1500 to 2000 miles to there. Then by performing this mental ritual my anxiety comes back down....for now....then I think I must SEE this news anchor on tv again to insure that they are ok....but then sometimes the news then goes to another anchor or story and I never see that same anchor that night...then my anxiety spikes again because I have no way to extinguish my anxiety because I have to live with the uncertainty of not seeing that anchor because they went off air. The OCD takes over and over and over....I try to remember a time before OCD when I felt mentally whole...I long for the day that I can return to that healthy and happy mental state....if anyone out there in this community can relate to my ongoing experience or have any advice I would be most grateful. I’m glad to be a part of this community. Thanks and