jett
- Date posted
- 5y
Soph Soph
- Date posted
- 5y
For me it’s a fear that I’ll never feel confident in my sexuality like I used to and will have to deliberate and be unsure for the rest of my life. It’s this irrational need to know that I’m 100% straight because the thought of fancying girls just makes me feel uncomfortable. At one point I tried accepting ‘ok maybe I’m bisexual’, but it just didn’t sit right with me which fuelled more and more rumination and obsession. OCD is the doubting disease and it just makes you want to search for certainty in your identity. It’s strange cause I used to have no fear of being gay or bi or anything but I was just confident I was straight, that’s what I wish I could go back to.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep the fear is very tough because in some cases you are alreadybinna relationship. In my case I'm married & that's difficult because you live in a world of "am I just lying to myself all these years" "what am I going to do?". Then follows the guilt, like you are hiding this secret. The denial? Is it real? Is it not? That's the trouble for those in relationships & are living this theme of OCD.
jettjett
- Date posted
- 5y
Just saying normally with ocd thoughts I can understand why the thought might be scary but not that one.
daniel00daniel00
- Date posted
- 5y
I can imagine that being bisexual does do something. I think this has some merit as bisexual men are known to have a very challenging time with mental health problems more so than gay or straight people. It is the fear of being not gay or straight but both can be hard to define for people. Additionally, the stigma that is what it feels it.
Hi Hi
- Date posted
- 5y
I struggled with this theme for a second. Basically, I was afraid that I was lying to myself by saying I was straight. I felt like I was denying some part of me. Additionally, I was afraid that claiming that I was bisexual would somehow undermined the community because I wasn’t sure. I felt I didn’t deserve to call myself bisexual. I also didn’t want to tell people only to figure out later that I was wrong and seem like someone going through a phase. I basically felt like I was lying to myself with any label I would claim. Nothing felt like the whole truth and it was confusing. It all felt like lies. There is a bit more to it than that, but that’s the idea of what I went through. I ended up just saying I was “heteroflexible.” It feels like the truth enough for me not to ask “what if I’m wrong” but others may not feel that way. You also have to think about how religious OCD could play a part for someone with this theme, or someone who’s family wouldn’t be open to bisexuality. Not my case, but could be someone’s
Hi Hi
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry if there are typos
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep.and another part of it is I used to have gay work colleagues & school pals & never ever thought anything about it. But now that's what some one just mentioned its losing all your confidence of the person you once were!
Related posts
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 19w
Question about HOCD
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 15w
Hocd vs actually gay (my opinion)
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 13w
Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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