Im just so sad it feels like I truly like my fear. Im trying not to check or respond but it is so so hard. I know what I want and it isn't that but if I feel it it must mean it is true.

evkrey

Date posted: 5y

Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion you’re using rn

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

You can't do ERP by saying to yourself "it's safe to do ERP because facts aren't feelings so it's probably not true". In fact, you can't do ERP by thinking and reasoning and debating at all. The only thinking whatsoever you're supposed to do during ERP is saying "maybe" to all of your scary ideas and "not right now" to all of your urges to do compulsions. No other thinking at all. No debating. No trying to figure out a meaning or lack of a meaning behind feelings. No asking for or giving yourself any reassurance.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Cause tbh it seems like while you're working to avoid specific checking compulsions, you're still doing about 100 other comoulsions at the same time. The major ones being rumination, analysis and attempts at problem-solving. You have to quit doing all of them at once for ERP to work.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@Scoggy "Compulsions are anything a person does in an attempt to get rid of the anxiety/dread/yucky feelings associated with an obsession. There are many types of compulsions, but they fall into two categories: Behavioral and mental (or thinking) compulsions. Behavioral compulsions are observable, such as repeatedly checking to see if a door is locked or excessively washing one’s hands. Mental compulsions, on the other hand, occur in one’s mind. Silently counting or saying “lucky phrases”, mentally rewinding events and conversations, reviewing the distant past, and analyzing why a person has a particular obsession, are all types of mental compulsions." You're suffering a lot from doing the one at the end, the analysing why you have it, whether it's because you're not-straight. When you are trying to do ERP (or any other time really) and you get that initial thought/idea/feeling that "you felt X that time so that must mean you like girls", instead of responding to it by replaying and analysing the memory of how you felt, or agreeing with it, just say "maybe, but I'm not doing compulsions right now", and stop thinking about it. Intrusive thoughts, the ones which pop into our heads and freak us out, aren't under our control. But we do control whether we respond to them with more thinking and other compulsions or not. You need to choose not. Just like you need to not check, you need to not get latched onto worrying about whether it's true using any thoughts. If the intrusive thought that it's true is causing scary feelings, the whole point of ERP IS to feel those feelings of dread and doom and that it's true, without responding to the thoughts with argument, agreement, analysis etc. Just feel the feelings. Don't do the thinking-compulsions. You're in control. Focus your attention onto something else-preferably the physical feelings.

evkrey

Date posted: 5y

You’re also doing a confession compulsion, hoping that someone will give you reassurance that what you’re feeling is “not true”. When you get the urge to post and confess how you feel, recognize it, and don’t post here about how you “know it must be true” if you want to get better

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I used to feel that if I felt guilt that means the worst black and white interpretation of the topic causing guilt must be true. When I processed lots of guilt but didn't address some of it, I started to feel like less bad interpretations were true. It was always emotional reasoning because facts seemed flimsy in the face of them. Feelings can come from nowhere, they don't have to be reasonable. Evkrey is right, it's actually a known cognitive problem. Feelings aren't facts. Instead of debating it or doing compulsions, do as much ERP as possible. When ERP causes you to do this emotional reasoning that feelings must be facts, you need to say "maybe" to that too and continue to feel your feelings without reassurance. Debating whether feelings are facts and analysing whether it's true and agreeing that it's true are compulsions, as is posting it.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Get the book I recommended. It addresses this idea.

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