- Username
- hihey
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thoughts are not facts. I don’t think you having more guy friends than girl friends make you gay. I feel like that is just stereotype. Like the stereotype where a gay male would have more girl friends than guys. No no no. When it comes to this type of OCD, you gotta stop thinking about the stereotypes of people in the LBGT community. You have more guy friends doesn’t mean anything other than you probably get along well with guys. The orgasm part, idk. But that also doesn’t mean you have a different sexuality ??♀️ Idk I don’t suffer from this type of OCD, so I’m sorry if I said anything offensive. But I hope I helped:)
Hey there, I also suffer with hocd and stereotypes are the worst. Thing is hocd is going to try to latch onto any thing any event whatsoever and call it proof. OCD is ego dystonic which means it was against who you are as a person, it goes against your beliefs. so it becomes a battle between OCD finding evidence to prove that you are gay and you trying to find evidence that you are cuz you know that you're not so that the OCD will shut up. Ultimately it's about learning to live without having to proove anything. OCD makes it so that we value other people's opinions and let them get in her heads we're really worried about the perception that others have of us, that's why other people's opinions about your sexuality worry so much. About orgasms, the female orgasm is very complicated and it requires the right amount of stimulation and time. Woman is different so you and your boyfriend are just going to have to work that it and you'll eventually get there, it takes a while and it's not an easy road to navigate because we are all different but there's nothing wrong with you for not being like the girls on TV because it's entirely fake. The best thing you can do is to look for a therapist do diagnose you & start erp, I'm currently giving you reassurance which is not ideal for us because it's proof. But a little bit of reassurance in the beginning is great to kick start a relationship with a therapist. Honestly I wish I would have gone sooner before I would have come up with so many obsessions and compulsions so I congratulate you and being so proactive. Sending all the best energy, you are so strong and you are worth fighting for. I wish you the best!
I has the same thoughts as you. I supported LGBT but never really cared about it a lot. I was also uncomfortable from the moment I started supporting them for some reason. I never liked gay shippings though I supported them and I was afraid I'll become gay since I watched lesbian porn. I've always internally had hocd and just realized in august. I also fear I won't get an orgasm from a guy and it's dreadful ?
Hi, I'm a lesbian with no guy friends. Only girl friends. I'm pretty girly, too. Now, I think stereotypes suck for everyone, and I hate the ones set for the lgbt community, but I actually suggest that you go more into these unwanted thoughts. Accept that maybe you are gay. Acceptance is the key. Dont push away the thoughts, think of them, observe them, but dont ruminate.
Yeah stereotypes are harmfulnf for everyone. Actually, going "into" unwanted thoughts is a thing that erp therapists strongly suggest we DON'T do, it's giving them meaning and importance as though there is more to "uncover" about why they cause discomfort and what they might mean to us. Idk if it's the same for all subsets, but for hocd it's more harm than good. It's about recognizing that the thoughts mean nothing and are not proof / disproof of anything, not about analyzing where and why they come. You are right, acceptance is key. It's about saying "yeah the thoughts are here, but they mean nothing. Maybe i'm gay maybe i'm not" but it's also not about saying "yeah i think i might be a lesbian (if you're straight)". It's about you knowing that your sexuality is what you make of it, if you want to be straight (i'm talking in the case of hocd, of course) then you are straight and no amount of proof / disproof can take that away from you. We say "yeah you know what maybe i am gay" as acceptance that the intrusive thoughts and doubts exist, but not as an ambiguity about our sexual orientation. Living in uncertainty doesn't mean not knowing what you identify as, it means knowing that "evidence" for and against it isn't going to determine anything for you and being okay with that. Thanks for the words of wisdom abt some stuff tho!!
@hocdsucks This is how I feel. I would have no problem being gay, I just don’t think I am. It’s like I’m scared of not knowing. I’ve only ever liked guys and the thought of being with girls really grosses me out (not homophobically, just like I do not want to be a part of it). I’m on my twenties, I feel like I would’ve realized or been attracted to a girl by now. My family and friends are supportive too. It’s almost like my surroundings are making me think I’m somethint im not and I can’t get it out of my head, ever
@hihey Omg same. I have a loss of identity which makes me feel so much worse. I'm afraid now I'm a lesbian. I don't know why but the idea of coming out makes me feel bad and uncomfy (tho I came out to my mom initially in hocd out if anxiety). I also have this fear that I'm in denial. Ngl im so terrified. I don't feel straight anymore :(
@hocdsucks Thanks for explaining it, I didn't know hocd was different in this way from other subsets of ocd.
Hello everyone. I was recently recommended this app by my therapist who I just started seeing for “HOCD”. I wanted to share my story and symptoms in the hopes that someone is going through the same thing and needs to hear it or can offer support. The onset for me was very recent, a month ago to be exact. I wasn’t in the best psychological state, I had a job offer for another company presented to me that I had the inclination to take but had a lot of anxiety and trepidation about. I spent days upon days worrying if I should take it or should I stay. Finally when I took it I was still in a funk and very indecisive and even regretful. One day thereafter I was watching a Video of an openly homosexual man doing a ABC news interview. To this day I’m not sure what caused it, but something about it caused me a lot of anxiety and I started thinking for some reason that I was gay. Now as a background, I live with my gf and we have been together 2 years. Our sex life the last couple months has been dormant to put it best and I had felt a detraction to wanting to make love. I found myself watching a lot of porn to get off which isn’t abnormal for me, it’s pretty regular. Once the symptoms kicked in I started panicking trying to force all the thoughts out of my head. That just amplified them and made it extreme. I couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t work I couldn’t function. I googled everything under the sun and when I found out about OCD I instantly felt relieved. But then it came back, and I started to question myself even more. I go through the same mental loops over and over and over, constantly reassuring myself. Now, reading other people’s stories or even coming out stories they are so different From mine. Many people refer to past experiences or having thoughts of being with a guy sexually. I have never had those thoughts ever. I have been with a lot of women romantically and sexually and have never thought about another man, have never had the desire to be with a man in any way. This has caused me to rethink everything about myself and even times convinced me that I was living a lie. Fast forward to the day, I’m not sure what is going on or how to summarize all of this. I use to love watching sports listening to podcasts going to the gym and I do none of it anymore. I barely can keep my focus on the day to day especially when I try to work. It feels like my life is just trying to transform overnight and that it will never stop. I’ve reassured myself over and over and it’s like I can’t get out my own way. When I’m feeling good I’ll watch porn or fantasize about having sex with a woman and I’ll get hard. And still that’s not enough. It’s like I don’t even believe my reality anymore and my mind is trying to force me to be gay. I get headaches all the time especially in the morning. It’s like the first thought that pops in my head, “you’re gay”. I’ve been around many men in my life, even in my athletic days in college I mean you got half naked dudes in the locker room including myself-never in life have I ever had an intrusive thought or been attracted to any man. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not even sure how to classify this-I don’t know if it’s generalized anxiety, overthinking, depression or HOCD. Any suggestions , insight, or recommendation would help. I’d like to have a clear head and be myself and enjoy my life. I’m a good dude and I have nothing against anyone of any subscription-including homosexuals. I’ve been around guys or girls who are whether in the workplace or seeing on social media and it’s all love. I am 26 years old. Thanks.
Ok... I was doing good until a few weeks ago. I really was making a lot of progress until a few weeks ago. Backdoor spikes turned up and ocd came back with full force. Or at least I think it's ocd... I hope it is. My theme is hocd, by the way. I try to not give the thoughts much attention, but they're making me mad. It feels so real, and when I see coming out stories it just adds up, as if I should come out too. It terrifies me, every day I think about wanting to die, to not wake up, to cease existing. It's been so draining, and so lonely. I don't want to be in the closet, I don't want to have romantic relationships with women. And ocd makes me question why that: because of my morals? What if your sexuality goes deeper than your morals and you're just denying you like women? Maybe you should try it out, you'd like it. This scares me so. much. And the thing is: I watch same sex porn. It turns me on. I've seen on the internet many women actually watch same sex porn, but ocd makes me question if my case isn't different from other women. All the time I'm worried that I'll just lose control and kiss any woman that's by my side. I haven't had any experience with men either, as I'm reserved and a hopeless romantic (high expectations). I've liked men before, though, and I still have many crushes today. Ocd tries to convince me this is just a cover up. This is just destroying my life. This is daily torture, I can't imagine myself living with this forever. What am I supposed to tell my eventual boyfriend, my husband? How am I supposed to have children in this state of mind? What if some day I just snap out of this and actually realize I'm gay? What if this question is actually me already admitting that I am in fact gay? Honestly, it's too much. This was quite hard to write, and I tried to include here as much as possible of my insecurities. If you read till here I'm grateful. Just wanted to say that I DON'T have anything against gay people, even though they're making me very anxious since this all started, which adds up to my endless collection of intrusive thoughts (it makes me think I'm in denial because of some prejudice).
Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.
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