- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Thoughts are not facts. I don’t think you having more guy friends than girl friends make you gay. I feel like that is just stereotype. Like the stereotype where a gay male would have more girl friends than guys. No no no. When it comes to this type of OCD, you gotta stop thinking about the stereotypes of people in the LBGT community. You have more guy friends doesn’t mean anything other than you probably get along well with guys. The orgasm part, idk. But that also doesn’t mean you have a different sexuality ??♀️ Idk I don’t suffer from this type of OCD, so I’m sorry if I said anything offensive. But I hope I helped:)
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey there, I also suffer with hocd and stereotypes are the worst. Thing is hocd is going to try to latch onto any thing any event whatsoever and call it proof. OCD is ego dystonic which means it was against who you are as a person, it goes against your beliefs. so it becomes a battle between OCD finding evidence to prove that you are gay and you trying to find evidence that you are cuz you know that you're not so that the OCD will shut up. Ultimately it's about learning to live without having to proove anything. OCD makes it so that we value other people's opinions and let them get in her heads we're really worried about the perception that others have of us, that's why other people's opinions about your sexuality worry so much. About orgasms, the female orgasm is very complicated and it requires the right amount of stimulation and time. Woman is different so you and your boyfriend are just going to have to work that it and you'll eventually get there, it takes a while and it's not an easy road to navigate because we are all different but there's nothing wrong with you for not being like the girls on TV because it's entirely fake. The best thing you can do is to look for a therapist do diagnose you & start erp, I'm currently giving you reassurance which is not ideal for us because it's proof. But a little bit of reassurance in the beginning is great to kick start a relationship with a therapist. Honestly I wish I would have gone sooner before I would have come up with so many obsessions and compulsions so I congratulate you and being so proactive. Sending all the best energy, you are so strong and you are worth fighting for. I wish you the best!
- Date posted
- 5y
I has the same thoughts as you. I supported LGBT but never really cared about it a lot. I was also uncomfortable from the moment I started supporting them for some reason. I never liked gay shippings though I supported them and I was afraid I'll become gay since I watched lesbian porn. I've always internally had hocd and just realized in august. I also fear I won't get an orgasm from a guy and it's dreadful ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, I'm a lesbian with no guy friends. Only girl friends. I'm pretty girly, too. Now, I think stereotypes suck for everyone, and I hate the ones set for the lgbt community, but I actually suggest that you go more into these unwanted thoughts. Accept that maybe you are gay. Acceptance is the key. Dont push away the thoughts, think of them, observe them, but dont ruminate.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah stereotypes are harmfulnf for everyone. Actually, going "into" unwanted thoughts is a thing that erp therapists strongly suggest we DON'T do, it's giving them meaning and importance as though there is more to "uncover" about why they cause discomfort and what they might mean to us. Idk if it's the same for all subsets, but for hocd it's more harm than good. It's about recognizing that the thoughts mean nothing and are not proof / disproof of anything, not about analyzing where and why they come. You are right, acceptance is key. It's about saying "yeah the thoughts are here, but they mean nothing. Maybe i'm gay maybe i'm not" but it's also not about saying "yeah i think i might be a lesbian (if you're straight)". It's about you knowing that your sexuality is what you make of it, if you want to be straight (i'm talking in the case of hocd, of course) then you are straight and no amount of proof / disproof can take that away from you. We say "yeah you know what maybe i am gay" as acceptance that the intrusive thoughts and doubts exist, but not as an ambiguity about our sexual orientation. Living in uncertainty doesn't mean not knowing what you identify as, it means knowing that "evidence" for and against it isn't going to determine anything for you and being okay with that. Thanks for the words of wisdom abt some stuff tho!!
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdsucks This is how I feel. I would have no problem being gay, I just don’t think I am. It’s like I’m scared of not knowing. I’ve only ever liked guys and the thought of being with girls really grosses me out (not homophobically, just like I do not want to be a part of it). I’m on my twenties, I feel like I would’ve realized or been attracted to a girl by now. My family and friends are supportive too. It’s almost like my surroundings are making me think I’m somethint im not and I can’t get it out of my head, ever
- Date posted
- 5y
@hihey Omg same. I have a loss of identity which makes me feel so much worse. I'm afraid now I'm a lesbian. I don't know why but the idea of coming out makes me feel bad and uncomfy (tho I came out to my mom initially in hocd out if anxiety). I also have this fear that I'm in denial. Ngl im so terrified. I don't feel straight anymore :(
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdsucks Thanks for explaining it, I didn't know hocd was different in this way from other subsets of ocd.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond