I saw a lot of stuff today dealing with HOCD and I’m someone who once identified as a lesbian. But I’ve been questioning it as of late like what if I’m bi. Those things don’t necessarily cause me that much distress. In ways it does but not the same as the obsessions of “what if I’m straight”. I don’t know if it helps at all but being gay or being bi whatever I am I can tell you it does not look the same distress as what you guys face. I have been on the end of the spectrum where I’m like “what if I’m straight?” Before and THAT caused me extreme distress. So yeah I can tell you actually being a sexuality and your ocd making you confused and distressed is not the same.

Mars

Date posted: 5y

Also: I used to repress my sexuality in middle school Because ocd told me I was going to go to hell. I repressed it up until 10th grade. I can tell you guys that repression does not look like what you guys face.

stop.

Date posted: 5y

Nice and brave if you to tell us that. Thank you! I will admit that today was not a good day on the hocd threads.

whatifwhatif

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much. That's actually really comforting. I'm sorry that religion made you feel repressed, there is nothing wrong with being who you are. I am a straight girl suffering with hocd and it is so difficult, just feeling like my brain is forcing me to become someone i never was and never wanted to be. Reading this from you really upped my spirits. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story!

Mars

Date posted: 5y

What’s funny was we weren’t ever exactly a religious family either. I had gone to church when I was younger but nothing else. Never even paid attention. I’m not even sure if I’m Christian but the concept of hell always has set off my ocd even as a child. Just know you guys will be ok. I know the HOCD theme like I said on the other end of the spectrum. “Fear of being straight”. So yeah you guys will get through this!

whatifwhatif

Date posted: 5y

@Mars If you don't mind me asking, what does straight ocd feel like? Is it as ego-dystonic and scary as hocd?

Mars

Date posted: 5y

@hocdiskillingme I would assume it feels the same way as hocd. I just know there were times I looked at straight porn and stuff and I panicked every time. Was always in heavy distress about it. The idea of being straight and thoughts of only marrying a guy sent me with huge anxiety and distress. This theme isn’t as strong anymore tho it pops up every once in a while. But when I was younger it was a stronger theme. Like late hs and then a few years after.

whatifwhatif

Date posted: 5y

Ohh i'm so sorry you ever had to go through that loss of identity :( i'm really glad you shared your story though because you'll help so many ppl

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

This is so reassuring to hear @mars thank you so much for taking the time to write that. Can I just ask when you were in the process of coming out as gay, did you ever get distressed at the thought of being with a woman? I'm so scared as I want to be with a man but my head is so convincing because of the ocd. Thank you, I hope you don't mind me asking xx

Mars

Date posted: 5y

No I didn’t. I had crushes on my friends and the only distress I had was this fear of going to Hell. So I tried to just push it down that way.

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