I'm so worried right now. My brother and Mom were talking about some girls at her work that have a little crush on him. It feels like I'm jealous even though I could care less :( I don't want to be with women and I haven't even meant this girl in my life. Yet it feels so strong and powerful. It makes me want to do a checking compulsion even though I know it wont help and it will just make my ocd worse. I wish the sensations and everything didn't feel so god damn real. Im hoping that it is because im jealous of the fact that she is so confident she likes guys and can be sincere and im over here every damn day wondering if I'm attracted to them or not cuz I have felt that before but I just hate this shit.

Bub, I think you're already checking by the fact you had an emotional reaction to this trigger which likely consisted of adrenaline/anxiety, and analysed whether it could be jealousy. Leasing you to saying "it feels like I'm jealous" rather than "I am jealous". You also say you don't care. People who are jealous know that they're jealous. They know why they're jealous, they feel angry at the person or situation that made them jealous, and they most definitely do care. If you can spend some time letting the emotions and feelings which you have called 'jealousy' just happen, without analysing them or looking for reasons for them any more than you already have, then feeling them can actually make them go away. You felt an unknown feeling, had a fear that it might be jealousy because that would be an indicator for your obsession, you analysed it to death to decide that it probably is jealousy, then looked for possible reasons why you could feel that way. I really feel like the tendency to immediately label all emotions and relate them to your obsession is your Achilles heel. Doing that is a checking compulsion. I know the urge is strong to work out what it means whenever there's a trigger around and you feel 'something', but not trying to find out what it is, wont hurt you. That's the moment to say "I'll figure out what it was and what it meant later, some other time", and to feel it in your body instead of labeling it. Once it's gone, you'd be able to know that, as you said, you don't care that some girls like your brother, and possibly also be able to think "yeah I am a bit jealous/resentful that he has a normal life and isn't going through what I'm dealing with". It would be normal to feel that way. Clarity about what you're feeling and what you believe/like/care about/want etc doesn't ever come from checking for relationships between every feeling or situation we encounter and our obsession. Clarity happens organically, *after* feeling things through til they're gone. If you really want clarity, you should give this a go. When you feel that urge to automatically check to give a name to what you feel all the time and check if/how it relates to your obsession, instead take some deep breaths and say "I'll do it later". Not knowing will be scary but remember that if you do it, you still won't know then either. If the feelings are very intense, they can be felt through in the body, without labelling them or finding meanings for them. Imagine you have stage fright. You were ready to go on, you've got 5 minutes and suddenly you're hit with a massive wave of fear that you're going to forget your lines and everyone will stare at you and it will be the worst thing you ever did. You COULD respond to that fear with analysis, attempt to argue it down by saying that you know your lines, decide that it says something about reality, wonder whether it's an omen that you're going to fail, fear that the adrenaline will cause a heart attack, etc etc. None of those things will make the fear less intense. The only thing that can help is to feel the fear. You have the choice in that situation, instead of analysing, labelling, giving it meanings and power over you, to simply acknowledge that you're having a wave of fear and anxiety feel it. Letting it be felt is the only way to get an unpleasant emotion to "go away". You embrace it and honour it, letting it be felt even though it's awful in your chest and stomach, until it goes away. Then it's gone, and you know perfectly well that you can do your on-stage performance. You can't control your emotions by pushing them away, that only makes them control you. Feelings are like having young children who want your attention. If you keep avoiding them or telling them to go away or arguing with them, they'll pester you more, their mood will get worse and they'll try more desperately in the future to get your attention. Whereas if you just listen for a few minutes, give them a hug, tell them you like their drawing etc, they'll go away happy. Feeling your feelings doesn't make what you're scared they might mean "come true", it doesn't make you unprepared, it doesn't mean accepting the meanings always you put on them. They're not your enemy, they just want to be felt. When something like this truggers you, just don't add meanings and then try to solve those. Feel the feelings for what they are instead, and go from there.