This is a long post... Okay so, I’ve suffered from intrusive thoughts for the majority of my life. When I was younger I kept thinking the house was going to be on fire or I feared no one liked me so I had to keep getting reassurance from my friends that they liked me. The past few years I’ve had intrusive thoughts telling me that I don’t like this group who I know I’m in love with, I love their music and love their videos, yet my mind tries to convince me otherwise. I don’t really have physical compulsions, but I have mental compulsions of avoidance and I avoided the thoughts for so long up until recently. I’ve learned the past couple of weeks that I need to accept the thoughts which I’ve been trying to do even though it has been hard. Today I’m finding really difficult because my mind wants me to keep avoiding the thoughts no matter how hard I try. It’s so upsetting. It may seem silly and I feel ridiculous because people have worse thoughts than I do, but these thoughts are taking over my life. It’s so frustrating because I just wanna be able to enjoy listening to the group’s music and watching their videos without getting these thoughts. It sounds silly but it’s so upsetting for me because I know I love them, but my thoughts try to convince me otherwise. I keep fearing that I’m doing the wrong thing. I also keep getting thoughts that I won’t get better and I’ll never be able to enjoy my group. It’s awful. I feel so mentally exhausted. I am learning to not avoid the thoughts and not avoid listening to their music or watching their videos, but today I’m just finding it so hard. It’s hard to resist my mental compulsions. I just feel like I’ll never get better. I just wanna cry. I keep wanting to avoid my exposures because I feel so upset even though I know I shouldn’t. I’m feeling so awful today, my head hurts so much.

? ilshid

Date posted: 5y

Are we talking about a music band here..?

vividizzy

Date posted: 5y

Yup

vividizzy

Date posted: 5y

It probably sounds so silly

? ilshid

Date posted: 5y

@vividizzy A little bit tbh, yeah, but I somehow kinda get it. If it's important to you, it feels terrible to doubt it even though you're not really doubting it, if that makes sense. Try telling yourself "it doesn't matter, I like what I like. If I stop liking something, it's ok." And I'm not saying you stopped liking them or that you ever will, but if your don't care about something, it can't bother you

vividizzy

Date posted: 5y

@? ilshid No offence but you saying it sounds silly makes me feel worse about myself. It’s not helpful. Yes it might seem silly to you but it’s not silly to me because it’s affecting me so much. You’ve made me feel worse about myself...I already feel terrible and that hasn’t helped...

sarahg8709

Date posted: 5y

I think where they are coming from is a place of concern. I have harm ocd. About my kids. Some days i wish I didn't have ocd at all. Other days I wish I had a different subtype. Like when I saw your trigger warning, I thought it would have been something like harm ocd. Religious ocd, or pedo ocd. Im not desensitizing your thoughts at all, but tbh your post didn't need a trigger warning. No one has a right to make your problems seem invalid. With that being said, I would have never thought that could have been a subtype of ocd, your fear of disliking a band. If it bothers you, then it bothers you. And you do have a right to ask your questions. Maybe just don't put a trigger warning on it tho. I hope you find the help you're looking for. :)

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