TW - s*lf-h*rm Alongside my OCD, I've also struggled with depression and anxiety over the years - I used to have a lot of panic attacks in school that slowly developed into more severe pseudo-seizures. In response to my depression or anxiety or both I turned to self-harm and, a few years later, I have about 300 scars across both of my forearms (which have been clear for about 18 months) and probably nearly 100 more recent ones on my stomach. As I worked through my depression and general anxiety with therapy and medication I gradually stopped turning to self-harm as a coping mechanism for those because I developed more positive coping techniques and realised that self-harm didn't actually improve my mood when I was depressed or anxious and that there were more positive distraction techniques instead. However, my OCD is now making staying clean from c*tting impossible. It's always played a big part in my self-harm - I have to cut a "good" number of times before I'm allowed to stop; most of the time this is 10 times, but if it's on half of my body I have to cut more on the other side so it's symmetrical. I'll also have to cut "deep enough" that my brain feels "right" - if there isn't enough blood I have to go over the same wound again because I can't leave one not looking "right". I know how absolutely screwed up that sounds but knowing things logically doesn't shut my brain up at all. As well as this, I'll have intrusive thoughts and obsess about cutting until I do it. Most of the time this is at night, and if that thought crosses my mind it's so so difficult to go to bed without doing it because it's all I'll think about - this voice in my head just telling me over and over that I need to cut myself. Sometimes it will serve as a compulsion in the sense of, "If I cut myself now then my friends will stay safe" or "Mum's going to die if you don't cut yourself". I'm so terrified of these outcomes that I'll do anything to stop them from happening - however illogical it seems. The fact that it's so difficult for me to stay clean from self-harm makes me worry that I'm addicted to it and I really don't know what to do.