I have always had crushes on girls and felt a strong romantic attraction for them. Before HOCD, i remember feeling like i was on cloud 9 anytime a girl told me she liked me and I would always fantasize about girls in class. When i began to masturbate, I found myself more consistently masturbating to gay porn, almost always. I would still get aroused by girls at school and flirting with girls came easy to me, i truly enjoyed it so much. I can be aroused by straight porn or women models, but anytime gay porn comes into the picture i feel like i am going to cum faster. I never really thought much about what it meant, till HOCD came. Now, I have lost my attraction to women but the feeling gay porn gives me is still there. If i were to be bisexual i wouldn’t care, because I would still be able to have girlfriends and have that emotional and sexual connection to women. unfortunate HOCD has taken all this away from me, and i fear more and more that my attraction to women was false and caused by social conditioning. can anyone relate?

Umm... Hocd IS ocd. People get hocd because sexuality is linked to our identity and who we are and it's terrifying to have thoughts doubting or telling you that you are something you know you are not. Much like a person with harm ocd knows they are not a killer, but their brains say otherwise. The process of healing from hocd starts with embracing uncertainty and not giving importance to the doubt. Please, don't EVER diminish hocd as being part of ocd and don't EVER speak like this because we suffer and simply saying "yeah i might be" is not an easy thing for us. Ocd comes in all shapes and forms and don't you ever dare belittle someone's symptoms just because you don't consider them to be difficult. Get informed, be more compassionate, and then speak.

@whatifwhatif Where did I say HOCD wasn’t OCD...where did I belittle anybody’s symptoms? And the thoughts aren’t simply terrifying because they are are conflicting with your current identity. They are terrifying because you consider your current identity PERFERABLE...nobody ocds about becoming an overly altruistic person, because that’s not scary, but tons of people ocd about becoming a murderer because murderers are scary and bad. Both are a identity changes, but only one is scary. I wasn’t being mean, or antagonistic towards anybody. If you disagee with me that’s fine, none of us are doctors so we can argue over whose advice is better all day. But don’t call me uncompassionate please because that’s a huge mischaracterization. Being blunt does not equal uncompassion.

Honestly, I'm a lesbian and if I got the choice now to be gay or straight, I would definitely pick gay, I'm very comfortable with it (just to be clear, I don't have HOCD and never had it). Also, I don't watch porn often, but when I do I watch straight porn or gay (male on male) porn. I do this because lesbian porn often feels fake to me, it's clear that they're performing and not actually enjoying themselves. And I have female friends who only watch lesbian porn, because they identify with females more. Porn preference =/= Real life attraction/sexuality.

@Fluffy Bunny And with female friends I mean straight female friends :)