really have whats considered to be ROCD. I was in a relationship with this really amazing guy. Everything was going amazing, I was in love and he showed me how I was supposed to be treated. He did everything right. He would rush to me whenever I felt sad, wanted a hug, and mad. When he found out I had anxiety and panic attacks he researched more about it to help me cope better with it. He would do anything and everything to make me happy, even if that meant letting him go. I recently under went through a really bad spiral of emotions these past two months, kind of when this whole pandemic started as well, and I knew it would effect my mental health but I didn’t know how severely it would until one day me and my boyfriend were fighting and obviously due to so much stress with what’s going on right now we would fight often or I would misinterpret a lot of things that it got to the point where I started remembering my past abusive relationship and started connecting it to my healthy one. It got soo into my head that I started researching if I even loved my boyfriend and I just felt so detached from him and reality and I had such a huge fear of not loving him enough or what if he wasn’t the right person for me or even if I was better off single and I started to feel trapped and I started to realize that us fighting triggered things from my past relationship which then triggered what I think were obsessive thoughts. I would think for like an hour straight and just compare my ex and my bf and in my heart I knew I loved my boyfriend I just couldn’t understand why I kept bringing him up in my head and comparing the two when my ex doesn’t even compare to the man my boyfriend is. I thought in my head that I was hurting him simply because I’m thinking of someone else while being with him and having doubts about him that I got fixated with the idea of breaking up with him. I went over and over and over just thinking I should do it cause it’s what’s best. I had the biggest mental breakdown yesterday because I felt so in my head for so long that I had enough and called it quits with my boyfriend. It’s been a day but I already have such a big weight on my heart and miss him dearly and he knew everything I’ve been thinking and going through which is why I felt it was best to let it go because I didn’t want to hurt him or ruin the relationship with me constantly crying and talking only about me (it got to the point where I was even acting selfish) so for the sake of us getting back together in the future I broke it off thinking that was what’s best and now I know it wasn’t. I called him earlier today and he always tells me that no matter what happens he’s wait for me he told me all he wants is to see me happy and to take as much time as I needed and he understood. We always told each other that regardless of what happened one day we knew we always would go back to each other and once I made that decision it was almost like my ocd calmed down and turned off, I know it’s cause I’m scared of being in a healthy relationship due to my past. He’s a great guy though and I’m scared to lose him.