lately i have been very overwhelmed with my religion (christianity). There is a girl i am in love with and this goes against my faith. this triggers some existential confusion about whether or not my faith is true. and if it isn’t, then my life is meaningless and i have been living a lie. i am trying to fight the thoughts that my whole life and faith is a lie but i think this situation with this girl triggers it even more. i am afraid that God isn’t real because i cannot be sure. but on the OTHER hand if he is real, my unbelief could send me to hell. but i don’t want to have faith out of fear for the unknown what kind of life is that? the same 3-4 questions roll around in my head constantly and no matter what i do i cannot gain any sense of control or calmness.

It is normal to question your faith. As we grow older, we start to think more deeply about wether the faith we believed when we were younger is still what we believe to be true. Don't be upset with your questioning. It shows you care too. As humans, we were never made to know everything about God and everybody know and believe in him without questioning anything. You must remember that without doubt, there is no reason to have faith. Faith can still be there when doubt is present. I really encourage you to tell God about your questions, be very honest in your words. God knows your heart. He wants you to come to Him and lay your worries at his feet. I know you said that you also have trouble believing in God. It is hard to believe in a God so great and good if we can't see Him. God knows this is hard for us to understand. You don't have to understand it completely. I encourage you to comtinue talking to God about this. Ask Him to show you how to be patient and kind with yourself and your questions. Tell him all your questions. I believe in you, you got this.