Sometimes my OCD makes my parents very angry. It bothers me so much. Cause i dont want to have this thoughts. I dont want to be this way. I used to hate the way my father looked at me when i did my ocd rituals. I thought i see shame in his eyes. When i was in school. Every time i did my rituals I felt ashamed of what i was doing infront of others. It hurted so much. I so wanted to stop this. I just hated the way i looked. It just feel bad when my mother says "your driving me crazy" or " what have i done that you became like this" or "i wish god kill me" when she is bothered by my ocd. Or when they shout at me. I feel so bad. Cause i dont want to be this way more than anybody else. Im trying and i have improved so much. Im still trying. But my mother constantly put me under preassure for going to my therapist. I think she dont like her because she expect therapy to work fast.

so i need to vent here because i'm sick to the point of wanting to throw up. ill be talking about how my ocd started. I think my ocd is a little different as I've never seen anyone with that kind of intrusive thinking, so my ocd makes me think it's real. my intrusive thoughts are like "I wish something bad could happen to this person" and it's something really, really bad that I abhor. I just don't want it to happen to the person, it's totally automatic and makes me want to cry all the time. and it all started with a book I was reading and I didn't know it had things like pedophilia and rape. and as I'm underage these things can easily get stuck in my head, there was an explicit scene and it felt like my body was reacting to it, even I DON'T WANT TO and that made me feel really bad. I never had thoughts like that before reading that fucking book I regret so much. and then for me it's very hard to recover, because my ocd says something like i want it to happen, but definitely not. I can't access the erp because I'm not fluent in english and much less have money already converted to real is absurd. I'm afraid to go to therapy because there aren't many therapists who specialize in ocd here and I'm afraid it could get worse. I already talked about ocd with my mother but she didn't understand much, in fact I was fine and she said something that made my situation worse. so that's it, sorry for the big text, but I needed it.

I have OCD and a while back I sent my mother an article explaining what OCD was like for people with OCD and she still doesn’t get it. Every time I have an off day she says I’m letting my OCD win or she will say that I should schedule my worrying for later. Sometimes she will even say that I like having OCD because I like feeling like a victim. I have told her time and time again that OCD doesn’t work like that but she keeps trying to relate it back to her as in she tries to say that she was anxious once too but then she just decided not to be anxious anymore and she got better. She is also the reason why my OCD got so bad before I decided to get help since she told me just to not be anxious anymore. It’s really hard because whenever I have off days she seems to make them worse.

my mom and my sister keep making fun of me for my ocd. when things aren’t a certain way i get very twitchy and upset. my sister always laughs at me and tells everyone. my mom has talked to a number of my therapists about what ocd actually is , yet she yells at me and gets legit mad when i have compulsions. does anyone have any suggestions on what to say back because nothing works and i’m sick of being mad fun of.