Have you had a moment where your rituals were justified? Few years ago, I was doing my compulsions of checking everywhere I went. Every few steps I walked, I’d look back to see if I had dropped anything (out of fear of losing things). One night I was walking a familiar street on my way to my friend’s apartment. From the subway station it was only a few blocks and I was used to that area I didn’t think twice to ask my friend’s boyfriend to come get me. So I was walking and looked back a few times when I noticed a man behind me. I started to feel nervous so I stopped and let him pass by. He passed by but then started walking towards me. He started talking to me and I pretended I didn’t understand English. A minute later he walked away towards the direction I was trying to head. When I didn’t see him anymore I started walking. I was still looking back to check if I had dropped anything. After a block when I looked back there was that guy again. I crossed over the street just to give him the benefit of the doubt but I was wrong. He followed me and crossed the street. That’s when I called my friend’s boyfriend. So see how my compulsion was justified? Even though it wasn’t helping me for my original intentions, it could’ve saved my life.

i understand. i think its happened to me but they were just coincidences. i guess its kind of like if you’re afraid of fire so you check all your appliances over and over. it can save your life i guess but thats not the healthy way to act over it.

What might help is bringing a small pocket mirror around, disguised as makeup or something. Also having pepper spray in my pocket has helped me feel more confident going outside. I still feel paranoid but I can remind myself that I have a way to defend myself (make sure you watch videos online of how to use your particular spray first). Hope that might help!

Yeah honestly in that case it wasn’t bad for you. I think as long as the compulsion isn’t causing you extra stress or disrupting your life excessive. It doesn’t take much work to look back. Glad you were safe!

Thank you. At that time it was hard for me to do a lot of things. Especially going out. I’d look back even when walking in the middle of the street. Now I’m scared of everything that I’m stuck in bed.

Thank you ? but believe it or not my biggest worry is still losing things. I mean I was scared that night but for some reason that doesn’t bother me as much as if I dropped a lipstick. Talk about priorities. Lol but I’ve had lost earrings while I was walking, had sentimental items stolen from me, my ideas and designs stolen from me, so those fears are far greater than another person possibly following me. Like a part of me was abruptly taken away from me. The confident me “died”. The irony is this fear started after I was assaulted. I have PTSD from that but STILL I’m more afraid of losing things. I mean I even had a crazy roommate who tried to come into my room with a knife. I had to call the police and my landlord heard everything. I hate that I place so much importance on things. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it but With the exception of two-three friends, I didn’t really have much love from my family. I had friends but they come and go. I’ve had my female friend get angry when I was casually talking to her boyfriend. She knew I had a crush on her friend. But i started to feel there’s something wrong with me (since I’m the constant value) but my things were always there for me. My art stuff especially, made me happy. I was close to my cat but had to put her to sleep. So I think that’s where my irrational and extreme attachment to things started.

Thank you ? love to you too ?