Hi. I just needed to post here about some stuff I’m feeling seeking support or a kind perspective. To sum up my background story I spent nearly 10 years suffering with a hormone imbalance. I now take a hormone replacement daily, and my mood has dramatically improved and literally my life has changed. During those 10 years though I had a lot of ups/downs. Fortunately, nothing too terrible ever happened, but I was suicidal and couldn’t control my emotions and my judgement was impaired. All that to say I hurt some people along the way. I have a friend who I’ve known since high school. She’s been there for me through some of my worst times but, as we’ve gotten a little older, we’ve drifted a part some and lost some of our connection. She made me her maid of honor in her wedding, and I didn’t live up to her expectations and I think that’s out a further strain on our relationship. I have some hurt from her too so I decided to write her a letter a couple of months ago basically sharing with her some of the hurt I was feeling and also seeking to mend things with her. I feel that we need to have a deeper conversation about some stuff. My intention which I told her was to make our relationship better, and I also told her about my health because she doesn’t know about what’s been happening with my hormone replacement or how that’s impacting me. My intention with telling her that was so that she might be more understanding of me. It’s been 2-3 months since I emailed her, and I haven’t heard back. She has a child so I’m thinking that maybe she just hasn’t had time to sit down and write me back, but I’m still feeling hurt and rejected that I haven’t heard from her and afraid that I won’t. Up until I wrote this letter we were still talking about once a month so we weren’t in a terrible place, but I felt like I needed to share how I was really feeling or our relationship would met be able to grow. I was hoping that my letter would make us better friends, not more distant. I don’t regret anything I wrote because I was kind and honest and I needed to say the things I said. But I am sad to not have heard anything from her. I’m trying to remain hopeful that one day I’ll hear back from her, but there’s also a fear in me that I won’t or that what I will hear back will really hurt. This is someone I’ve invested a lot of time to. We’ve been friends for a little over 10 years so not having her in my life would really hurt. I hope things can get better, but the uncertainty is getting to me. I’m also really sad that I had this hormone imbalance all along and that it effected my emotions so much. I am grateful to have figured out my problem, but I wonder how much better my life would have been if I could have discovered it sooner. I feel like I would have lived up to her expectations and other’s expectations better and wouldn’t have lost friends like I did. I also that I would have been more careful in my dating life and wouldn’t have dated some of the guys I dated and thus wouldn’t have gotten hurt like I did. I just think overall I would have had an easier time and things would be better for me right now. Instead I feel really lonely for friends. I don’t have anyone close to me other than my fiancé-not my parents, siblings or a friend. I really long for connection and for friendship. My parents and sister, unfortunately, are really different from me and I’ve tried to find a closer connection with them but it just doesn’t work. My friend who I mentioned above has been like a sister so losing her as a close friend would break my heart. Anyways that’s what is going on in my mind. Thanks for listening.