Y'know, even post-therapy sometimes it's hard not to feel like a freak. Not because you start doubting that it's not OCD again, but because you have OCD. Just this chronic problem that makes you feel like you're a diet but just as worse version of the people you're most terrified of (murderers, sex offenders, generally shit human beings) it's.....hard to feel like you didn't deserve all the horrible things that have happened to you throughout your life.

Thanks but I know I'm not any of those things and it's not healthy to reassure me that I'm not. I know it's my OCD. That was the whole point that I was miserable because I have this brutally misrepresented condition that would make any normal person see me as a threat. I'm basically a creep for life now. I know you had kind intentions and thank you for your kind words, but you misunderstood why I feel bad. Sorry if this seems naggy and confrontational, not trying to be like that at all.

I respect your religion and the way it helps you, but please don't push it onto other people. It's not helpful. God isn't the answer for me and I wouldn't really want him to be after he decided to put me through a lifetime of abuse and trauma for literally no reason. Don't do this.

No. If this is gonna reassure me that I'm not a bad person and that all of this is my OCD please don't. I came to vent and see how other people cope, not to beg for kind words or "a solution".

Yeah I know about this. I know that having intrusive thoughts isnt as bad as committing literal acts of crime but what about creepy compulsions and urges and shit. I can't have all of those and still feel like "oh I'm perfectly normal, fun and approachable" like no, of course I'm gonna feel like a freak. I'll get over this. I just wanted to hear an "I know how you feel" instead of a "do you know about religions and/or how OCD works". I do.

Newsflash they really don't. If they do it's like a random rare occassion and that's it.

Also they don't have gross checking compulsions that make them look and feel like a total creep or urges to do said creepy compulsions when theyre trying not to.

Yeah because non-ocd-ers dont have a "compulsive part". Look all I wanted to know was that I wasn't alone in feeling shitty, not a re-cap on things I know and people trying to convince me that "You can be like normal people." I can't. OCD has made me do stuff for compulsionny reasons that could destroy my life. I will never be normal and I have no choice but to be fine with it. But I just wanted to not feel so alone in my struggles and so neglected by everyone that barely read my posts just bumrushing to add their 2 cents like it's gonna fix anything or like I haven't heard it before.

It's a chronic condition. I'll have it my whole life. I may experience it less and less to the point where I feel as though it's not there anymore but the possibility of relapsing is always gonna be present.

It's an outlook I have to be Ok with, if I'm not, I'd just spiral into depression. If things got better and easier they can get more better and easier. Just hope that's fucking soon because I am really sick of this shit prying it's disgusting head in my life every now and then.

@Anonymous "One day after my suicide." The day after my suicide, I fell in love with my mother when I saw her crying on the floor of my room, hugging my bloody shirt with my photos scattered around her, I saw so much Love in her eyes! The day after my suicide, I felt how much my father loved me, no matter how hard it was, In the midst of so much sadness, he spoke to me with tears in his eyes, how proud he was of me and how sensitive I was to others! The day after my suicide, I saw that Lolla (my pet kitty) was more incredible than I could have imagined. Every time someone came home, she would run to the door waiting for me and, seeing that it was not me, would lie down in front of the door and continue waiting for me. The day after my suicide, I loved it for my brothers when I saw them sitting in the room with their eyes full of tears, they remembered the times when we played in our beautiful childhood ... What a good time! The day after my suicide, I felt how much my best friend loved me. She was looking at our photos together and remembering all the moments! The day after my suicide, I felt that I was important to my teachers. They blamed each other so much for not noticing ... At night, I went to the morgue to look for my body. I get upset. I looked at myself and said: "So many dreams we had", "So many loves", "So many people to meet", "You had people who loved you and yet you threw it all up", "You have to have a lot of courage to take your life Why didn't you use that courage to win? " Thank goodness that was just a vision. You can read this! You are still here and can change your life forever. It is not as bad as it seems. There are people who love you, who want you close! Give life and the people who are by your side one more chance. There is a cure for pain, open up to someone. You have overcome so many things, try one more!

@Anonymous We are not threats to anyone. Life is unpredictable. You know if you get help by ocd experts you'll get better. There are so many persons, places, .. that we don't know. Who knows if a cure it's somehow near. We must fight for our existence, be grateful, mindfull and present