Can I talk to someone about my hocd? I've had a bad day and I would like some company :(

I had a bad day. Mostly the thoughts said that I'm in denial/internalised homophobia. But the thought that's scaring me the most is that I'm not actually attracted to men nor was I ever attracted to them and I'll never enjoy sexual things with them. I'm scared :(

@sanzida? It’s ok everything is going to be ok! I feel the same way, like the exact same way. I’ve been in many relationships and I’ve felt so much for guys, I’ve been heart broken because of them and everything. But for some weird reason it feels fake just because of ocd. It’s so scary and hard but if you accept that these thoughts are here it will become easier. Don’t deny them don’t try to back up your real sexuality with evidence you need to allow these thoughts to be there. When you do this you slowly start to not react to them. Also pls remember that you choose how you live your life, you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do!!

@crazyfeelings Thank you!! I'm actually working on trying to recognise my obsessions and compulsions. I compulsed today by searching up signs of compulsory heterosexuality and one of the signs have scared me to death. It makes me feel like my whole life has been a lie and my attraction for them was never true. It's scary and I wish I never got this. I'm sure everyone wishes that. I'm just trying to stay with the anxiety for now though I feel terrible :(

@crazyfeelings I'm also very upset over the fact that I can't imagine any guy's face anymore properly. OCD has distorted my way of thinking and my complete imagination and fantasies. I feel distressed that I can't fantasize anymore... Any tips for this?

@sanzida? Yeah searching up stuff sometimes makes it worse. I do that too much!! I take tests and look up “how do I know if I’m a lesbian”. All of the crazy things. But define try to sit through it all it will help, I’m at the point now where anxiety has lessened about everything but it still bothers me. The imagination and fantasies I have a problem with as well. I like can’t imagine my future anymore, and can’t vision myself in a relationship with a guy. Honestly I need tips on that as well because that’s what scares me the most. I’m not sure what to do about that either :/

@crazyfeelings God Im going through the same stuff as you. I can't imagine a face of a guy anymore. Can't imagine anything actually. It hurts and makes me upset and scares me that I'm actually in compulsory heterosexuality since these are one of the "signs" (please don't be triggered). I can now only remember my past self :(. Hope we both get well. I'm soon gonna start therapy and I hope I can control this

@sanzida? I’m guessing compulsory heterosexuality is like the feeling of being forced to be straight, like it’s the norm in society so we feel we have to be that way. At least that’s what it said when I looked it up. But before these thoughts we were able to think of a future with a guy and fantasize about guys correct? So that should basically show that what you’re saying isn’t true. My thoughts leave sometimes and I’m fine and then they come back and it all starts again. If I was really questioning my sexuality I think I would know by now what it was and I would fully accept it. I’m glad you’re going to start therapy!! I think I’m going to start taking some medicine and I’m sure that will help a lot. :)

@crazyfeelings Yeah I do agree with you on this. I mean before this we were happily comfortable with who we were. There's no question if compulsory heterosexuality coming but our OCD really likes to nitpick a lot of stuff :(. Also thank you so much and I'm glad you'll start medication. Hopefully you will get better in no time ☺️

@sanzida? Thank you!!! You too, we got this????

@crazyfeelings You're welcome and hope we both get better soon ?