- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I went through a very similar situation recently. I was ready to move across the country with my boyfriend but he wasn’t sure. He broke up with me last week. My advice is to not move somewhere for someone unless you’re 100% sure that you want a future with them!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
also my bf moved from virginia to california with me. i also had doubts way before i found out i got a job across the country and chose to ignore them. we ended up getting in crazy arguments and took a toll on both of our mental healths and i sent him back home. wouldn’t recommend taking that big of a step if you’re having reasonable doubts. not sure if you’re religious, but praying always helps me. as i said, ALWAYS trust your gut. it never fails you.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You need someone compassionate and sensitive to your needs. Whether that is to lend you his shoulders and chest to cry in, a simple hug, listening ears, help you get through it, you need that. It’s hard enough to live with mental illness and having meltdowns. If he’s going to make you feel lonely at a time when you have a meltdown, he’s not right. If you’re okay with that then that’s fine. But I know what it feels like to have this, the meltdown and feeling like you have no one when you shouldn’t have to feel that way. I’m sorry if I’m out of line and I don’t know you personally but I do care about your wellbeing.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I’m currently going through the same thing and I think it might be good to maybe take a break from each other so you both can heal and take time to focus on yourselves before the disagreements between you two get too far like with my boyfriend and I.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh okay, I got it. I understand, I’ve yelled at my ex many times, told him to leave our apartment at 3am (shame) and he left-though I didn’t want him to. He told me the same thing that I yelled at him to leave and didn’t know. So I understand completely. With that said we broke up around that time and remained friends but we are beyond repairable. I loved him the way I haven’t with any of my exes. What if you move with him but have different places? Is that possible? So you still have your own space but a fresh start? When my ex moved out of our apartment, we were lucky that the apartment next door was vacant. Maybe get a place in the same building? This way you can go over each other’s places but still have your own places and also get to experience what it would be like to live with him?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you so very much for trying to help me though! I really do appreciate it so so much! You’re a wonderful soul
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you so much ??
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I do want a future with him. I just feel like we’re both changing but he thinks (and I agree) that it has to do with the fact that we just aren’t happy in our lives. It’s hard for me to know 100% about anything because I’m always thinking I’m wrong and everything is my fault. Which has led me to doing absolutely nothing in my life. I didn’t go away to school, didn’t even apply anywhere even though I know I’m very intelligent (don’t mean that as in a bragging way. I just love school) but just knew my parents wouldn’t help me or support me because they don’t understand the point of college. I let them get into my head. My younger sister moved out before me, I’m 27 and have never done anything adventurous in my life. I feel like I’m going to die and hate myself for not having done anything.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I do understand where you’re coming from, you make a good point. And I’m sorry for what happened ?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
always trust your gut
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@cat_attack. Sounds like the relationship I had with my sister. Maybe this could be your first step into something adventurous? When I moved in with my ex three years ago, around the time both of my parents’ deaths, my symptoms took over my life and now it’s so debilitating I can not leave my bed. If you do move, have a plan. You need stability. If you keep moving around like I have, your symptoms may get worse. My ex and I broke up about a year ago and has taken care of me thus far however he is no longer able to support me. I’m in a position of having no means to relocate, anxiety of having to move, but with no where to go. My relatives are out of this country and my sister told me she doesn’t care about me. I don’t know where you are, where you’re heading, how bad your symptoms are but make a plan so you don’t feel stuck. Have a job you’re comfortable with, save so if you ever need to go back to your parents you’re not struggling to find a way to go back home. Start with minimum amount of stuff so it’s easier for you to move. If your boyfriend understands you and your conditions and is supportive, I say give it a try. It is scary but why not try something different than what your OVD tells you. Maybe it could be a form if ERP?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I just remembered. You were upset that your boyfriend left when you had a meltdown and told you to call him when you’re calmer? If that’s the guy you’re thinking of moving with then I’d say no. I don’t want to be harsh but if he can’t support you in your time of need and be there for you, what would happen if you live together and have problems? He’s going to ignore and run away from the problems? You need someone who will be there, especially if he’s going to be the only person you know (even if it’s in the beginning).
- Date posted
- 6y ago
No you’re very much right and I already talked to him about it. He said he left because it was too much. As in when my mom came in the bathroom as I was freaking out I started screaming at her and then we’re screaming at each other and then I screamed that I wanted him to fucking leave. Obviously I didn’t but I was having a breakdown. I wished he would have stayed, but he did come back a little later and that’s when he explained why he left. Which I can understand, not trying to say nothing is his fault and it’s all me, just that I would have probably felt super uncomfortable being him hearing me screaming like a crazy person at my mom and screaming that he needed to get out. It was overwhelming to him and he didn’t know I was having a panic attack. I do see where you’re coming from and sometimes I think those things but it isn’t fair of me to be upset at him for having his own emotions right? We do need to seriously work on us though. We’re definitely drifting apart and I don’t think it would be so bad if we broke Up now it’s just that we used to be so perfect. I’ve had other serious boyfriends I thought I loved but I have never loved anyone the way I love him and It hurts my heart to let that go without trying to see if we can get it back.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
That’s a good idea. I just am afraid to live alone. I have type 1 diabetes. And you ever hear of dead in bed syndrome? It’s terrifying and I don’t know if I’d be comfortable living alone. It sucks because I would love to have my own place but my insane anxiety over something that is actually a real possibility just makes it that much scarier
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh no. I looked up what dead in bed syndrome is and I feel your pain. That is really scary. Do you need someone to stay in the same bed as you? Maybe you can have a roommate? And when your roommate is away for the night, your boyfriend can stay with you? I’m also wondering maybe you can get a dog that’s trained to detect diabetes? Or you can get a two bedroom with your boyfriend so you still have your own rooms?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I googled dogs for diabetics and found some interesting sites. These dogs warn you before it’s at a dangerous level. This dog can also be your emotional support pet too if your landlord says no to pets. What do you think?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I don’t really like dogs. But I did know about that and have thought about it. But this is so uncomfortable to say I don’t know how to say it but I guess this site is the best. I have severe OCD anxiety around dogs. Because of a type of OCD I had and because of my dog also who is older and because of the type of dog she is makes so much noise and I have sensory issues and something I think happened but I’m not sure because OCD also creates false memories. I have a cat too and I’d be scared the cat would be afraid but I know I’m going to get a dog eventually because my boyfriend wants one and I’ll tell him I’d like one trained for diabetes but in living alone with one I couldn’t it would send me even further back into the OCD nightmare I am currently dealing with. This is the first time on this website I “kinda” brought up the OCD I’m currently suffering from
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You’re doing great. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But thank you for sharing. It’s different from yours but as much as I love animals I’m afraid to go near due to diseases and my fear of contamination. So while our anxieties are different I completely understand. It sucks to have to deal with anxiety plus feel ashamed and embarrassed by it. Which is why I’m grateful that this is anonymous. I know you’re having a hard time and I wish I can help you more. I’m always here if you ever need to talk ? in the meantime I’ll keep thinking of other ways that might work for you?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w ago
This topic triggers me so much because I don’t think I ever experienced “gut feelings” about my relationship until the ocd. I know that generally people get these feelings when something’s off like their values are different, or the partner has strong bad habits, or something they’re doing is wrong. But my relationship is perfect to me: we communicate so well and I feel so vulnerable and safe. He’s amazing and sweet and we share the same values and life goals. We’re not perfect but I wanna be imperfect w him. I’ve never felt the way I feel for him with anyone else before. So why does it feel like the next stage of our life (moving in together) feels like I’ll change my mind later on?.. I get anxious at the idea and thought of sharing our whole life but I know I want to marry him. The idea of us growing old together, I feel like my life would be complete with him. But why do I feel like I don’t want to :( Do people have doubts anout their relationship even when there’s nothing to doubt?? There’s nothing wrong with us at all and I want what we have forever but when I think about our future I feel so anxious like I won’t last long until I decide I can’t do it anymore
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 11w ago
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
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