I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. I currently still live with my parents and him with his. He moved a few states away a year ago and only stayed here because he says he fell in love with me. Now he wants to move back and he’s trying to convince me to with him. It just feels like a huge step. And I’m not sure I’m ready which I’m trying to tell him but he is not happy here. We are both in our late 20’s and both want to be away though. Idk sometimes I feel like he isn’t what I want. But then idk if that’s part of OCD. Maybe a mix of that along with generalized anxiety over constantly believing I make the wrong decisions about everything. I feel like we’re going to eventually break up because we’re not similar enough but know he would never and it would end up being me doing it so I should just do it now, but then never do because I don’t want to be without him. Idk maybe it’s because he’s my only friend? Maybe I’m way overthinking like I do everything. It’s hard because I don have any real friends. I’m starting to make work friends but that would end if I moved away. Which makes me sad because I’m feeling less utterly alone. But then I think this may be the perfect time in my life to do this because I don’t have friends and haven’t in years and shouldn’t avoid moving because of the friends I’m just starting to make, because I could make friends somewhere else too. And this is my chance to start over I’ve always just wanted to start fresh. Thoughts?

I went through a very similar situation recently. I was ready to move across the country with my boyfriend but he wasn’t sure. He broke up with me last week. My advice is to not move somewhere for someone unless you’re 100% sure that you want a future with them!

also my bf moved from virginia to california with me. i also had doubts way before i found out i got a job across the country and chose to ignore them. we ended up getting in crazy arguments and took a toll on both of our mental healths and i sent him back home. wouldn’t recommend taking that big of a step if you’re having reasonable doubts. not sure if you’re religious, but praying always helps me. as i said, ALWAYS trust your gut. it never fails you.

You need someone compassionate and sensitive to your needs. Whether that is to lend you his shoulders and chest to cry in, a simple hug, listening ears, help you get through it, you need that. It’s hard enough to live with mental illness and having meltdowns. If he’s going to make you feel lonely at a time when you have a meltdown, he’s not right. If you’re okay with that then that’s fine. But I know what it feels like to have this, the meltdown and feeling like you have no one when you shouldn’t have to feel that way. I’m sorry if I’m out of line and I don’t know you personally but I do care about your wellbeing.

I’m currently going through the same thing and I think it might be good to maybe take a break from each other so you both can heal and take time to focus on yourselves before the disagreements between you two get too far like with my boyfriend and I.

Oh okay, I got it. I understand, I’ve yelled at my ex many times, told him to leave our apartment at 3am (shame) and he left-though I didn’t want him to. He told me the same thing that I yelled at him to leave and didn’t know. So I understand completely. With that said we broke up around that time and remained friends but we are beyond repairable. I loved him the way I haven’t with any of my exes. What if you move with him but have different places? Is that possible? So you still have your own space but a fresh start? When my ex moved out of our apartment, we were lucky that the apartment next door was vacant. Maybe get a place in the same building? This way you can go over each other’s places but still have your own places and also get to experience what it would be like to live with him?

Thank you so very much for trying to help me though! I really do appreciate it so so much! You’re a wonderful soul

Thank you so much ??

I do want a future with him. I just feel like we’re both changing but he thinks (and I agree) that it has to do with the fact that we just aren’t happy in our lives. It’s hard for me to know 100% about anything because I’m always thinking I’m wrong and everything is my fault. Which has led me to doing absolutely nothing in my life. I didn’t go away to school, didn’t even apply anywhere even though I know I’m very intelligent (don’t mean that as in a bragging way. I just love school) but just knew my parents wouldn’t help me or support me because they don’t understand the point of college. I let them get into my head. My younger sister moved out before me, I’m 27 and have never done anything adventurous in my life. I feel like I’m going to die and hate myself for not having done anything.

I do understand where you’re coming from, you make a good point. And I’m sorry for what happened ?

always trust your gut

@cat_attack. Sounds like the relationship I had with my sister. Maybe this could be your first step into something adventurous? When I moved in with my ex three years ago, around the time both of my parents’ deaths, my symptoms took over my life and now it’s so debilitating I can not leave my bed. If you do move, have a plan. You need stability. If you keep moving around like I have, your symptoms may get worse. My ex and I broke up about a year ago and has taken care of me thus far however he is no longer able to support me. I’m in a position of having no means to relocate, anxiety of having to move, but with no where to go. My relatives are out of this country and my sister told me she doesn’t care about me. I don’t know where you are, where you’re heading, how bad your symptoms are but make a plan so you don’t feel stuck. Have a job you’re comfortable with, save so if you ever need to go back to your parents you’re not struggling to find a way to go back home. Start with minimum amount of stuff so it’s easier for you to move. If your boyfriend understands you and your conditions and is supportive, I say give it a try. It is scary but why not try something different than what your OVD tells you. Maybe it could be a form if ERP?

I just remembered. You were upset that your boyfriend left when you had a meltdown and told you to call him when you’re calmer? If that’s the guy you’re thinking of moving with then I’d say no. I don’t want to be harsh but if he can’t support you in your time of need and be there for you, what would happen if you live together and have problems? He’s going to ignore and run away from the problems? You need someone who will be there, especially if he’s going to be the only person you know (even if it’s in the beginning).

No you’re very much right and I already talked to him about it. He said he left because it was too much. As in when my mom came in the bathroom as I was freaking out I started screaming at her and then we’re screaming at each other and then I screamed that I wanted him to fucking leave. Obviously I didn’t but I was having a breakdown. I wished he would have stayed, but he did come back a little later and that’s when he explained why he left. Which I can understand, not trying to say nothing is his fault and it’s all me, just that I would have probably felt super uncomfortable being him hearing me screaming like a crazy person at my mom and screaming that he needed to get out. It was overwhelming to him and he didn’t know I was having a panic attack. I do see where you’re coming from and sometimes I think those things but it isn’t fair of me to be upset at him for having his own emotions right? We do need to seriously work on us though. We’re definitely drifting apart and I don’t think it would be so bad if we broke Up now it’s just that we used to be so perfect. I’ve had other serious boyfriends I thought I loved but I have never loved anyone the way I love him and It hurts my heart to let that go without trying to see if we can get it back.

That’s a good idea. I just am afraid to live alone. I have type 1 diabetes. And you ever hear of dead in bed syndrome? It’s terrifying and I don’t know if I’d be comfortable living alone. It sucks because I would love to have my own place but my insane anxiety over something that is actually a real possibility just makes it that much scarier

Oh no. I looked up what dead in bed syndrome is and I feel your pain. That is really scary. Do you need someone to stay in the same bed as you? Maybe you can have a roommate? And when your roommate is away for the night, your boyfriend can stay with you? I’m also wondering maybe you can get a dog that’s trained to detect diabetes? Or you can get a two bedroom with your boyfriend so you still have your own rooms?

I googled dogs for diabetics and found some interesting sites. These dogs warn you before it’s at a dangerous level. This dog can also be your emotional support pet too if your landlord says no to pets. What do you think?

I don’t really like dogs. But I did know about that and have thought about it. But this is so uncomfortable to say I don’t know how to say it but I guess this site is the best. I have severe OCD anxiety around dogs. Because of a type of OCD I had and because of my dog also who is older and because of the type of dog she is makes so much noise and I have sensory issues and something I think happened but I’m not sure because OCD also creates false memories. I have a cat too and I’d be scared the cat would be afraid but I know I’m going to get a dog eventually because my boyfriend wants one and I’ll tell him I’d like one trained for diabetes but in living alone with one I couldn’t it would send me even further back into the OCD nightmare I am currently dealing with. This is the first time on this website I “kinda” brought up the OCD I’m currently suffering from

You’re doing great. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. But thank you for sharing. It’s different from yours but as much as I love animals I’m afraid to go near due to diseases and my fear of contamination. So while our anxieties are different I completely understand. It sucks to have to deal with anxiety plus feel ashamed and embarrassed by it. Which is why I’m grateful that this is anonymous. I know you’re having a hard time and I wish I can help you more. I’m always here if you ever need to talk ? in the meantime I’ll keep thinking of other ways that might work for you?