Feeling Very anxious. A knot in my stomach. Nausea. I have religious ocd. Sometimes I feel like iam a fake christian. Doubting. Confused. Weak. I think that I was misdiagnosed and that I don't really have ocd. Only i AM really bad

Hi I have a question. I love jesus he changed my life and Made me a better person but my ocd loves to confuse me so I have a problem where I remember something in the past and I repented ofc but not it makes me question my intentions and my ocd always puts the are you lying to God card which makes me super scared and then doubt occurs and I'm so exhausted I misinterpret a lot like the voice of God I keep hearing tell the truth and repent now that's it all Good if it were true see ik I'm telling the truth not because of some feeling it's because ocd's version is so ridiculous but It feels soo real I just Want go to God without feeling this fear if I'm lying to him and I fear if somehow I'm wrong. So much anxiety and questions like what if that is gods voice what if I'm wrong pls pray for me and I see videos and I'm scared if that video was sent to me by God telling me to "tell the truth" I say that because my ocd is causing me to doubt the truth being that ocd is wrong

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

I suffer from religious ocd. My only goal in life is to live in God's will and to serve Him - to live and enjoy His eternal purposes & His presence. Jesus Christ is my life. That is my only desire on this earth, this short trip into eternity, and it's being stripped by ocd thoughts and intrusive thoughts 24-7. I have read many times that ocd can 'feel real', and this is true, our minds lie to us because of fear and anxiety we can't and were never meant to carry. I have begged and tormented myself in every way to find an answer from God. I think His answer may be that this is OCD, but I'm not sure. I started therapy again because I am so exhausted and this had stolen so much of my life in a spiral of negativity, depression, and constant anxiety & intrusive thoughts. I have spent about 2 years trying to figure out if my thoughts are real or not, especially with ocd it can deceive so easily as a spiritual matter when in reality it is just a thought, which is confusing and scary to say the least. Can anyone share their experiences with this sensation? No matter what the theme is... Thank you & Praying for your comfort