Feeling Very anxious. A knot in my stomach. Nausea. I have religious ocd. Sometimes I feel like iam a fake christian. Doubting. Confused. Weak. I think that I was misdiagnosed and that I don't really have ocd. Only i AM really bad

I have religious OCD and the thoughts have been becoming really bad. I’ve been hitting myself punching myself screaming quietly if that makes sense pulling my hair out talking to myself nonstop. I can’t even hang out with my family without doing these things or going to another room to do these things, these thoughts of overtaking my life I will always be Christian God is most important to me and I’m so scared because these thoughts are terrible. They’re disgusting they never ending. There’s always something going on in my mind. I don’t understand. I’m scared. I’m turning into a bad person. I don’t wanna dishonor the Lord God, I don’t know if this is just OCD or something else.

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

So I’ve had it really bad blasphemy thoughts against god and the Holy Spirit but lately I’ve been ha these thoughts they say I do mean them even though I don’t and I’ve been feeling really weird like yesterday I felt really disconnected and it kept trying to make me say I meant the thoughts, but I don’t and I’ve just been trying to keep the thoughts away, but they’re so loud. I know the truth, but it’s just like so hard to keep them away with the images and stuff still there. It’s like I’m having a hard time being emotional so it’s like I don’t know. I don’t want to feel like I’m doing it for real when I’m not and I just don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t want God to harden in my heart. It’s very hard for me to even look at Christian things at all without saying something that.