I have a question not necessarily about OCD but about something I’ve noticed in regard to mental health and trying to get help from a parent(s). I’ve heard it happen many times with other people’s experiences and seen it depicted in media where someone is dealing with depression, mental health issues, is actually suicidal, etc whatever the reason, and they decide to go to a parent and reveal what is troubling them, and instead of helping and hearing them out, it’s usually met with a “you’re fine” “don’t talk like that nothing’s wrong with you” “it’s all in your head” “get over it” etc. I honestly don’t understand those responses. I assume parents want the best for their kids and to help them in any way they can, but when the issue is mental health related all of a sudden it’s not real and you’re fine. Why would you risk your child’s life and wellbeing and not at least have them see a professional or just sit and talk with them? Is it because of fear? Do they really just not care? Even if you don’t personally believe in care for mental health, your child has built up the courage to seek help from you and you won’t even try to help? Any explanations? I see it far too frequently

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Idk as a teenager I was a red flag factory and my parents never did a damn thing to see if I was ok or get me any therapy, despite knowing I'd been bullied at school, by a childminder at a young age, and by my mother, that I had an eating disorder, and that I'd refused to go to school at all from age 15 or so. To this day instead of asking why I refused to go to school and what was wrong etc, he rants about how useless the school was about sending work home for me, which is exactly how he acted at the time. It's definitely a kind of willful ignorance, idk how conscious it is but clearly they have an issue of not wanting to acknowledge problems. My sister has always been a lot better at explicitly saying I'M SCREWED UP AND I NEED HELP SO SNAP OUT OF IT. It does hurt that both times I've had a diagnosis (PTSD, then OCD) their reaction to it was basically to say that I just think I have something, like they know better than both myself and my therapist or psychologist etc. Then I have to run them through the whole thing and stick it in front of their face, explain "hey the PTSD is kinda why I didn't get out of bed for 2 years" and "you know how I pace around all the time and have no friends and ask weird questions and sometimes panic about things happening which you think are ridiculous? OCD yo". All this denial and yet I get to hear about how I've not been able to start a successful middle class suburban life like my brother yet and I must just not be trying hard enough. I don't think they really put all these different things together to actually reflect on their attitude about it because that would involve admitting there are problems and they failed at various points. Much easier to just keep invalidating my experiences lol. God forbid I have a good period with less symptoms, because those mean it's DEF in my head ????? Oof this turned into a rant. My guess is similar to Bob's. For parents like this there is too much they'd have to acknowledge, including their own failures and baggage, if they actually admit you're not ok and engage with it.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I haven’t considered that angle ? that makes sense!

Lodolo

Date posted: 5y

I can relate to that even thought it was not that bad for me when I lived at my parents place. I somehow feel that my mom still kind of like "does not remember" i have had an ed and have ocd even though I have told her and she should be aware. It's kinda like I am on mute when I am talking to her about these type of things. Now i am 23 and on my own and me and my mom are not very close at all. Dad was the best even though he did not understand either but i feel that he still cared about me. In my family mental health was some kind of taboo I guess and I was so afraid that my parents would find out I saw a psychologist. I just hate this and I am so sorry if someones family or friends have reacted to their ocd this way.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I so understand what you mean about to being on mute thing. In my case my dad doesn’t understand any of this as well but at least he supports what I think I should do. My mom is a physician but she never enjoyed studying the psychological part of medicine since she had to work with people with severe mental disorders during her residency. When I thought I just had anxiety she saw how badly I was doing and said I should take the medicine I was given at the time and she agreed when I said I should look for a psychologist. However it seems like that all changed once it turned out to actually be OCD. Now all of a sudden I’m spending too much money on therapy, I’m fine I just need to eat more fruits and do more exercise, etc. I’ve tried talking to her multiple times and I’ve even sent her an article to read on her own time but I don’t think she has. Also being a physician she is always doing research whenever one of us is sick or whatever yet has she done research on OCD in order to understand this? Nope! I’ve even explained ERP to her but when I talk about it and say how it’s anxiety inducing (which is the whole point) she’s like “aww well don’t do it then” like that proves to me she doesn’t get it because if she did she would encourage me to keep doing it despite the fear involved. That turned into my little rant but I just don’t get it.

flyana

Date posted: 25w

My mom keeps telling me it's not OCD

My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??

mysticalmads

Date posted: 21w

Advice on getting help

Hi I’m currently undiagnosed but am so sick of the way I’m living that I’ve decided I seriously need to get help. I need advice on 1. How to tell my parents that I need help and 2. The process. The first part is hard because a couple years ago I talked to my mom about having OCD but she brushed it off and said “everyone has anxiety” so I just never brought it up again. I’m also a bit ashamed for some reason, I don’t know why, to bring it up to them and I feel scared. For the second part what’s the process of getting diagnosed and getting medication and therapy. Where do I get diagnosed and do I have to start therapy before getting medicated? Thanks so much for the help.

Rohannn

Date posted: 21w

I really need advice.

I'm 15 turning 16 soon and I'm 100 percent convinced I have ocd.. I have been having major symptoms since I was 13, the constant what ifs, rumination, compulsions, guilt, anxiety from intrusive thoughts. I tried to open up about it to my parents when i was 13 but they dismissed it cause they don't believe in mental health.. I really want to get better. My parents won't listen to me and I don't wanna tell a teacher at school cause that would make things worse as they would just tell my parents and obviously since I'm 15 I can't afford therapy.. I don't know what to do :(

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