This is quite a private thing to say here but recently I can no longer wear tampons because my anxiety kicks off as I can’t stop thinking about infections or it getting stuck when I’ve got one in.

Something I haven’t shared on here is that when I get anxious and my OCD is really bad, I end up spending a lot of time in the bathroom. My family isn’t supportive when it comes to mental health, and I don’t have any privacy at home. So, when I realize my butt is numb for the I don’t even know how many times today, I know I’m not doing okay. :( All my panic attacks happen in the bathroom. Even when I’m out shopping or doing something, I run to the bathroom. It’s like I have an emotional support toilet instead of a support system. I’m crying, feeling so anxious, and I can’t stop doing compulsions that I thought I had gotten past more than a month ago. My streaks are broken, and I feel broken. I want to get out of this bathroom, be normal, and be productive, but I just can’t. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t even breathe properly. I didn’t even realize what time it is, the day is nearly over and I’m still in here :(

18+ pls!!! pls reply if u can (superrrrr tmi, pls don’t read if it’ll make you uncomfortable) since struggling with ocd, i have rules around the likes of m^sturbation and sexual stuff because i think too much into it now. one of the rules is that exact day i cant have seen or been around children because otherwise ill get intrusive thoughts that ive done it because of that (it isnt and never has been, before all of this i was able to engage in this stuff without any worry because it never crossed my mind). i cant have seen one the day before either or the day after actually engaging in that stuff because otherwise my mind plays tricks on me. i wanted to yk today because it makes me tired and most of the time helps me sleep but im worried i cant now because my mum and i watched a show and there was a quick clip of a child in it and my for you page on tiktok is things related to the genocide in gaza which obviously on some posts has pictures too that i’ve seen while interacting with the posts (like, commenting and reposting. thought i should state this bc i dont want it to sound like i meant anything else) so because now ive seen them i feel incredibly guilty and that if i am to yk, they’ll somehow link and be proof im this bad person. (Also should state i mean m^sturbate to ADULT content, when i’ve seen these posts i haven’t got aroused or anything. i’m just worried that bc ive seen stuff related to children today it’ll be bad of me to engage in that sort of thing to help me sleep)

I'm keeping it light hearted but I really desperately need some help. Just to preface this is very tmi. I thought it was just gonna be a quick bathroom stuff. No! That would be silly of course, so number two decided to screw things up ROYALLY. And please bear with me because I am coping with humour 😭😭. So I went, but sometimes, tmi, I struggle to.... Get it all. Out. If you know what I mean. Which is pretty awful to the point I'm like genuinely praying. Because you can't clean up properly if you're not done. So I'm in the bathroom, trying, for over half an hour. And I finally give up pretty much and try and clean up. Oh no, that was a huge mistake. But what else could I do? It was so messy that I wanted to just get in the shower and be done with it. Onto the things I'm worrying about I guess. On the tp (tmi, I'm WARNING 😭😭) it was.... Messy, and there were very loose specks on the tp. Which is an issue, because I used wet wipes which needs to be binned and not flushed, so I have to carry the tp-wipe combo over to the bin, which means carrying it over where my legs are, and thus where my clothes also are. I hate it. I'm now paranoid specks fell into my underwear! Great! Love it. I'm also paranoid specks or just #2 in general went on my hand. And, believe me, with the state of things, it was POSSIBLE. So when I'm finally done and wash my hands, of course that isn't going to feel like enough. I have really short nails, so short they're painful, and I'm always terrified stuff gets under them. So, I use a nail brush while washing my hands. I also filed them down (which HURT) because I'm convinced that could get rid of anything underneath them. But it still doesn't feel enough. Because I have loose skin and hangnails around my nails, and I'm paranoid as well that stuff gets under dry skin. Not to mention my hands are so dry from washing that they're cracked and flaky and they peel, so I am worried that #2 or dirt gets under the flakes of skin. I know it sounds stupid, but I am so scared. Usually it feels irrational but it was such a state that I'm convinced there must be a speck of it on me somewhere. On my hands. And I'm terrified. I know I need to accept uncertainty but I'm struggling right now.