I always find myself being scared that I am in denial. That my "true feelings" are coming to the surface and I just am denying it and burying it. Deep down, I know it isnt true. (Or maybe that's just denial?!) These thoughts just seems to come with a flash. But I'm still scared and disgusted and cant get these thoughts out. And they just keep getting worse and more in depth. No matter what I think to reassure myself, my brain always comes up with something to contradict it. Pictures containing the subject of my fear usually trigger these unwanted thoughts. Then I feel a deep disgust to the point where if I even see something that may trigger thoughts, i get a deep feeling of disgust even before intrusive thoughts happen. Its like a big ball of disgust, guilt, doubt, shame, anxiety, and an existential crisis rolled up into one emotion. I dont know if this all makes sense but..Does anyone have anything that may help.. or can anyone relate?

199903

Date posted: 5y

I feel this way a lot as well. The best advice I have is that this is normal for OCD, it’s normal for it to feel very, very real and like you’re in denial. I recommend checking out Chrissie Hodges YouTube videos, she has some great videos about pure O and how it feels real / like denial. There’s also a really good article by OCDLA as well -https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342

san🌻

Date posted: 5y

I can relate to this way more than I should :(. I feel so numb ti my thoughts I feel like I'm actually gay like fr though I never fancied girls, never liked them or thought of them romantically or sexually. But after this I feel like I've forced myself to like guys all along and I have been in denial for years!! I'm so scared if it ???

Strawberree

Date posted: 5y

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope my comment hasn't triggered you :(

Strawberree

Date posted: 5y

But you arent alone and I'm sure you can come out of this feeling better

san🌻

Date posted: 5y

@em1997 No it didn't trigger me DW. Im just scared I've turned gay and hopefully we all can get out :)

Cadecrowe

Date posted: 5y

I feel this all the time. I worry if it’s something I actually want and can’t admit it

san🌻

Date posted: 5y

Same :(

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