sillybilly
- Date posted
- 5y
gitoutmeswampgitoutmeswamp
- Date posted
- 5y
I personally think that forgiving is letting yourself release the hurt that the one specific event or interaction caused you, but that doesn't mean that they automatically have earned the benefit of the doubt. They still have to somewhat prove that they aren't going to hurt you. I think it is okay to be guarded but not to the extent where it prevents you from having relationships. That's a hard one because I tend to "forgive and forget" only to get hurt again by the same person. I feel like forgiving is honestly more for yourself than it is for the other person. It is kind of like saying, "They did X thing and it made me feel Y. But I am not going to let Y feeling stop me from continuing to grow." It is an extremely hard line to walk, especially with OCD.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah that thing ^ Forgiving is recognising that they're a fallible person and people make mistakes, it tends to go hand in hand with self forgiveness and acceptance. It doesn't mean you should treat it like they never did something and it doesn't mean that you're never going to think about it and be hurt. Set appropriate boundaries so it doesn't happen again and allow people to earn your trust with actions not words. I know how you feel because I've been in that situation of making excuses for someone and deciding to put it behind me but doing nothing to make sure it doesn't repeat. If you want to work on 'forgetting' in the sense of really moving on from it and healing the negative ways it has impacted how you think or live your life, therapy can help. "To understand is to forgive". You can't make yourself forget it but you can take away its power over you and get a different perspective on it.
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- Date posted
- 25w
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flyana
- Date posted
- 22w
Any tips for acceptance without “forgiveness?”
I want to move on and accept my past mistakes, but I feel like truly forgiving myself isn’t acceptable. My therapist says not to judge my past self but seek to understand. But if what I’ve done has gone against my moral values, how exactly do I do this? I’ve learned my lesson, and I just want to move on. But that feels like letting myself off the hook. Any tips or advice??
dee012
- Date posted
- 16w
taboo theme ocd and childhood trauma
i need some kind words or maybe some advice? basically i went through trauma as a kid including sexual, and acted out in disturbing ways. I’ve done things i regret. even as an early teenager i did also. the only weird things ive done recently were compulsions and weird ocd driven stuff… but besides that ive found it easy to forgive myself for a lot of stuff because i know myself and my intentions and also talking to people helps. but one thing that’s hard is when im intimate with others or in a relationship. i feel so gross and undeserving like if they knew everything ive done in my life they would hate me. I don’t tell everyone everything, i think i only did that with therapists and like one family member. I feel like if I don’t tell someone everything I’ve done that I regret and see if they forgive me for it, then that means im “hiding” something about me and being malicious. anything helps :(
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