** Trigger Warning ** This is probably going to sound crazy, but I just need to get this out there. This past Sunday, I was sitting in bed and relaxing after dinner when I started to feel kind of weird. It came with the thought that something bad was going to happen. I ended up taking off work the next day because I couldn't sleep Sunday night and kept waking up in a panic. I kept having thoughts like, "what if you don't live to tomorrow?" or "you might die" or feeling jealous of people who are married and living long lives because for some reason I feel like that won't be the case for me. I remember this happening to me back when I was in 8th grade in 2010. I had this overwhelming feeling like I was going to die & I would cry a lot because those thoughts really scared me. That feeling lasted a few days or weeks. A similar situation happened about 3 years ago on my way to one of my classes, so I googled it and the results came back saying that it could just be anxiety. That helped me calm down a little bit. This time when I looked it up, I saw explanations and examples of how those thoughts might be signalling to something bigger. Like an actual health issue. So I've been nonstop panicking since Sunday night and I don't know how to calm down. The thoughts and feelings will subside but then come back again. I don't know if anybody else has felt this way. I've tried explaining it to my boyfriend, but I'm not quite sure he really gets it. I also talked to my therapist about it & it didn't really help me like I thought it would.

Wow, I've gotten that sometimes too! It's nice knowing I'm not alone, although I don't wish this on anyone

Also, I know that’s way easier said than done. Just know others have experienced those thoughts about death too and in that we see our common humanity

@christinezak Hey, thanks for responding. Knowing that I'm not alone definitely helps a little bit. It's such a horrible sinking feeling in my gut that I just can't shake.

I've been watching Dead to Me on Netflix about a woman whose husband gets hit by a car, so maybe that's partly where my anxiety comes from. But you're right about the feelings of uncertainty. My therapist also brought that up to me & it's something I've been struggling with for basically my whole life. I can't seem to accept things for what they are; I'm always trying to prevent things or try to predict the future.

@IcePenguin19 Yes shows can be very triggering but it sucks when it's something you want to watch. And I think uncertainty will always be something hard to grasp, our brain's quickest resort for safety is by blocking of the "bad" thoughts. It's a good thing brains can be taught, though. It can be a long process, and I hope in the end it's worth it.

@worryqueen Yeah, exactly. I'm always trying to figure out the meaning for my thoughts or trying to find explanations even if there aren't any. It's stressful especially when I know it's something that can't be answered. I have to work on being ok with whatever happens and just living in the moment. We can't plan for EVERYTHING, as difficult as that is to get through my head. I hope the struggle is worth it

@IcePenguin19 Yeah it can be very frustrating and scary when there's no answer. You expect for someone to have it, but they don't and you wonder how they can be okay with that. It's hard to live in the present and be happy with that, but if others can do it, I believe we can too :)

@worryqueen I'm with you on that. When I was talking to my therapist about it on Wednesday night, he was just kind of listening and he also didn't have any answers which made me really angry lol I have no right to be mad at him because there are literally no answers to my questions but I'm just mad at all of it. I believe that we can get through this as well

@IcePenguin19 Mine reacted the same way-- so frustrating! I really cant wrap my head around the known, I really can't, but I've tried to look at it as: if we did know, would we be more afraid? More reckless? It's a blessing and a curse to not know some things. We can get through this, though.

@worryqueen He just stayed silent on the phone and eventually said, "oh wow" which did NOT make me feel good lol but I really can't get to accepting the unknown, I've never been one to do something without knowing exactly what is going to happen. It's super tough trying to figure out if it'd be better to know. Strange to think about it actually

@IcePenguin19 I'm surprised he had such a response lol but yes I'm the same way. My brain cannot comprehend the unknown, and that's probably because we're built to want to solve things and find answers, and to not have one just literally blows our minds. It's a terrible thing, really, but yes you must try to see things from both sides. Being better off could mean not knowing.

@worryqueen I know right lol he was like, "so what are you going to do about it?" And I'm like ......what? But yeah our whole thing is trying to solve problems and now that I can't I'm kinda panicking

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I had no idea that it was a type of OCD... I've genuinely been thinking that I'm dying. Or I'll think, "it sucks I won't live to enjoy having a family of my own" & I'm like, but where did that even come from??? Is it a premonition or just anxiety??? So I've been fighting my thoughts for a few days now I'm hoping that things work themselves out