I constantly have a fear that my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex. There isn’t signs exactly more my paranoia at the fact that she looks like a prostitute and wears tons of makeup and shows off her body way too much. You know one of those (that for some reason every girl is turning into nowadays) and I’m not like that at all. Complete opposite in fact. And this isn’t about me “hating” on a certain type. But we all have our opinions. This is more about me having a hard time accepting that he would want to be with me if that’s the kind of girls he was with before. You get me? Also thank you to everyone for always trying to help and being so kind. You all are so wonderful! ?

I understand. Same here (with my ex). His ex and I look nothing alike. She’s Caucasian and I’m Asian. I always felt inferior to her and wondered if he regret ever being with me. That I’m not good enough and constantly comparing myself to her. That he prefers that kind of woman.

Same! And shes kinda “instagram famous” hahaha whatever the fuck that means. Not crazy but about 500 likes a photo. All of her doing her makeup. ? I wish I could say other things about the situation but I’m always paranoid that one of them will be on here ahhaa. And like piece things together and know its me. (I’m a very paranoid/anxious person) anyway... I get what you mean. We’re both caucasian but similarities end there. She’s brunette, blue eyes, huge boobs and honestly (I’m sorry if this offends people who dress the way she does but just fake as shit. Like you wouldn’t know what part of her face was real. I seen a picture of her without makeup and it wasn’t the same person) and I’m a redhead, darker eyes and have small boobs.

I was always self conscious about how I look and how my life is. I hate it. I’m not where I had dreamt to be in life.

Lol no. I’m sorry it came off like that. I was picturing the woman who was giving me an attitude when I simply needed help with the ssi.

I’m really sorry. I feel terrible. I hope I didn’t upset you.

No! You didn’t! I just thought you meant that I was ugly inside for saying that. I didn’t mean what I said to seem mean. I just honestly don’t think people of that specific type are attractive. Key thing being “I”. It’s personal preference and like I said a ton of guys want that kind of girl and a ton of girls want to look like that kind of girl. So obviously that type isn’t ugly to everyone. And I’m jealous because I hate how everyone views that type as attractive. It also brings out anger in me because I don’t understand how people could think that. (Again not just about this but also for example there are tons of girls I think are gorgeous both famous (ie kristen dunst) and people I knew in school that literally never got second glances no one thought they were pretty because everyone loves the fake shit. And that made me mad too!)

Oh okay. I’m glad I didn’t offend you. I was getting worried. But yes I understand your preference. It’s funny how most men say they like big breasts (even implants) to look at but wouldn’t date someone with them. I agree fake is ugly. I honestly thought about plastic surgery not to please someone and not going overboard but it’s like gamble. But I’d rather be who I am and find someone who is attracted to me and not to my fake ness. There are types of people I don’t find attractive as well. I’m sure there are people who agree with you too :)

Oh for sure. It’s disgusting to me how people even get boob jobs idk it’s weird to me. I feel like I can’t even say that in real life because then I’ll get people like “its her body let her do what she wants” and you know I would agree except it’s becoming such a popular thing to just “do what you want” with your body in terms of procedures and plastic surgery that the norm is “if you don’t like it, change it” and it’s fucking detrimental to people like me and others like me that thought more about themselves than appearance, because everyone else is setting the bar so fucking high. It’s unrealistic! And it’s making it impossible to appreciate ones “unique” characteristics. For example I used to get tons of compliments on my hair now not so much because people think it’s fake and because anyone can get it now. Same with everything. You think you’ve got great cheek bones? Well too bad because now with the help of bronzer EVERYONE has good cheek bones. That’s why I get pissed about it it’s like if it’s affecting me this way and others I’ve talked to imagine what it’s doing to young girls!

I agree. We’re setting such bad examples. Especially the beauty and fashion industry. How being skinny is “healthy” and attractive. That’s why I’m relieved to hear Victoria’s secret has been doing poorly. They sell unrealistic “fantasy” which makes women feel bad that they can’t reach the epitome of being the perceived beauty-Despite those are forced opinions by the industry. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Also if someone gets plastic surgery then everyone else has to get it to make it fair for the others. And it is a slap when you put effort to look beautiful but not conforming to what the industry says is beautiful. Why can’t there be more than one type of beauty. I once had someone accuse me of having a nose job. I always wanted boob job because I’m insecure and my exes exes some had implants and some were blessed. As an Asian, odds were not in favor for me in that department. But it makes me angry when men say they love them big but they say mine are okay but pay no attention. Yet they said they’d break up with me if I ever got implants. I really hate the world and the hypocrisy.

I hope I made sense. I’ve had social anxiety in the past and constantly worrying whether I made sense or not or accidentally insulted someone. And lately it’s been getting stronger, constantly doubting what I wrote but trying the ERP and let it be. Scared someone may misconstrue what I say because I couldn’t articulate my feelings. Sigh. Joy of living with Ocd lol

I know what you mean 100% with the second part I’m always terrified I said something that hurt someone. ? I constantly think my boyfriend is mad at me and he constantly tells me he gets mad because I’m constantly asking if he’s mad. Ugh ? never ending circle.

In regards to the first part, I know how you feel about the boobs. Mine are definitely small. Which I think are honestly MORE feminine than bigger breasted girls. I think it looks classier (I in no way mean this as an insult to bigger breasted women, it’s just my view) probably because in this day and age when you are blessed by god or by a bank account and have big boobs people tend to show them off more than necessary. But because everyone else finds bigger boobs more attractive, the media, men, women, all viewing women as sex objects of course bigger is better. And every ex my boyfriend has had seems to have had big tits that they put on display yet he tells me he doesn’t like big boobs. ? I try not to assume things and think maybe he’s telling the truth maybe they just all happened to have big boobs but he liked them for other reasons, whether that be personality or other physical features BESIDES the boobs. ??‍♀️ But I can’t talk to him about it because I am SO UNCOMFORTABLE talking to people about things like this, things that show my vulnerability. I could never be like okay well then why are all your ex’s large chested? I could never ask that.

I completely agree and understand with both of your postings. I always asked my ex to check things. Then he’d get upset and tell me to stop saying that. Then I’d get upset. Then he gets upset because he doesn’t mean to hurt me. Then I get upset for making him feel that way. I’m extremely insecure especially now. I’ve gained a little weight but all goes to my legs, butt and tummy. There are things that my ex did to make me question him. I actually brought up the implants to him. I don’t want them huge, just nice enough that fits my frame. It gets depressing when wearing bras and shirts that I can’t fill out. I’ve seen his exes and it’s like why is he with me. I think he was cheating on me in the beginning with the ex I’ve always felt threatened by. I’d always check his stuff and get anxious when he’s out. Anyways I’ve told him about how I felt about my breasts and that I can’t stop comparing to his exes and told him he prefers big breasts but he didn’t lick out with me. And even if he didn’t want to be with me because of my size, he can’t because he’d feel guilty for dumping someone because of something shallow. He told me don’t get implants. I also have attachment issues since I haven’t really felt the way I did with my ex with anyone. But now I’m shutting everyone out of my life so I can’t be vulnerable and get hurt. I mean I cry over a stranger calling me a loser. I hate when we have opinions that we’re entitled to but then told otherwise. Like our opinions are not valid. There’s one thing that made me appreciate my breasts. There was a study that said men who are financially stable (well off) tend to like small chested and men who don’t earn as much go for bigger breasts. Something about hunger and food reserve or something. Ugh I just saw I think a centipede and I’m googling like crazy. ?

Ewwww I hate spiders and centipedes ? but they’re important! Ahha And yea I agree completely I am very insecure! And constantly comparing myself to his ex Because we are so different ! But what I try to do (doesn’t always work, hence this conversation now) is to think of it a different way. My therapist told me the reason he’s with me someone so different is perhaps being with her made him realize all the things he DIDN’T like in a girl. And yea I read the same thing, it goes into detail about how men who view women more as “objects” to be with are attracted to bigger breasted women. And I can agree with this! I see it a lot in every day life. As apposed to men who like smaller breasted women, view women as “equals” and don’t find attractions like that appealing. Not saying these type of men can’t be with bigger breasted women if the women is compatible with them, just that they wouldn’t be with ones who show it off. But like I mentioned earlier most with bigger boobs tend to brag about it and show it off. So that’s why most of these types of men end up with girls in the itty bitty titty committee

I just wish I can be with a man who loves me but also love my physical attributes and not just “settling”. I feel like maybe I’m the best my ex felt he can do? Or a safety net that knows I won’t reject him. Also my ex’s exes also had anxiety issues.

I think I’m an attractive person. Based on my belief and what people have said to me over my life. However the other person I described I view as ugly. People probably view this as jealousy but it isn’t. I can openly state I am jealous of people like that but NOT because I think they’re attractive but because I KNOW Others (actually vast majority of people) view those people as attractive

Also when you describe someone as ugly, when their personality is horrible it reeks out and make them look ugly too.

Are you saying that I’m ugly?

I read that centipedes lick their feet after eating and when disrupted they’ll be in a ball waiting until we leave them alone. Then I started picturing myself and having a bully attack me. So I just let it be. I tend to put myself in their (victims) position and “feel” their emotions. And then sometimes I see myself as the attacker and these thoughts of seeing the victims scared and start wondering how anyone can have any joy from doing this. Though I would love the abusers to be on the receiving end.

Omg that is so sad