How do I talk to my mom about real event ocd that involves my sister? I'm scared she'll call me a rapist, or think I am one

I sent her some articles about it, but not real event yet. I'm too nervous to do it... I'm scared she'll judge me

@worryqueen Sounds like quite a natural fear to have. Has anyone else judged you?

@Scoggy I mean I have told my mom parts of it before, back in 2018 but if I being it up again it'd be weird. I feel like i can never tell the whole truth either way.

@worryqueen So it was already resolved once, why is it you feel like you need to confess again in more detail?

@Scoggy If I confess in more detail, then the truth will be fully out. All i mentioned was a playing doctor, i didnt say how i put her hand on my "breast" and I feel like that might change something

@worryqueen What would it accomplish to do that though? Are you worried that she thinks it was worse or less bad than you feel it was? I can tell you from experience that repeatedly confessing is an OCD symptom. The OCD always gives a reason why you should, but it's not generally enough. Wouldn't it just upset your mother anyway? It's definitely your OCD causing you to feel like you 'need the truth to be out'. You want to confess, in order to be reassured, to feel better. It's your choice but if you already have an obsession with this, there's no amount of apparent closure which will make you feel as if you can leave it alone. Your mind will say "they didn't fully understand", it'll want you to confess any time you think of any detail you're not sure you confessed, etc. That's already started, clearly. It'll also give your OCD more fuel to make you obsess this way over other obscure things you remember. Confessing more seems more likely to dredge up old issues which to be honest nobody cares about but which could upset others. Confessing more wouldn't make your sister feel any better, if she already doesn't remember it then you can actually cause her trauma by her finding out that something happened and interpreting it as abuse (extremely common). Your plan seems more likely to upset people, causing you further guilt and worry. It's probably better to work on your OCD and on the idea that you don't need to be perfectly understood and perfectly forgiven in order to live your life.

@Scoggy Thats where the problems lyes, ocd makes us have a will to confess, without thinking it can futhermore harm the person again, making it upset, have a trauma or whatever worse

@Scoggy Ive read your last reply many times right now and this part makes me think: "Your plan seems more to likely upset people, causing you further guilt and worry". Maybe this is some kind of self-sabotage? I already did that myself

@Scoggy I think what's preventing me from moving on from this as that I've looked at these forums before, of women as children, who were victims of child on child sexual abuse and I see situations similar to mine and it fucks me up. I guess, if what I did seemingly caused no harm, I should not worry about it?