Hi guys... I'm new here & not sure how this works but I could really use some help. I have the kind of OCD that hasn't let me eat or sleep in over a year now. I'm 8kgs under weight. I have not been able to function. I have nightmares & paranoia and sleep with all my lights on (if at all I manage to sleep). I'm always scared and struggle to breathe. I'm really restless & I have suicidal thoughts, sometimes. I also have anxiety disorder, depression & panic attacks. I don't know what to do. I want it to stop. Even if its for a few hours. Can anyone help me...? Please...?

A brother

Date posted: 5y

Oh my goodness that sounds awefulll... I’m so sorry its so hard for you... if your not in contact with a certified therapist for ocd, i strongly recommend you get in contact with one- and you can do that through this platform if you need too. I totally understand your experience i have experienced the same in the past... its really hard... and awefull... but i have come a great long way since i started thank God... and you can see succes as well and I’m confident you will. It sounds like the issues your dealing with may be a little too icy to be addressed by posts on this chat, but we are with you every step of the way. Be brave. Hold on. Be strong. Don’t be afraid of talking this

A brother

Date posted: 5y

*not icy- big*

A brother

Date posted: 5y

One thing which can be helpful, just for now at least is, search up meditation for panic attacks by gentle soul on YouTube, hes very calming, and helpful wether you’re currently feeling like a mess or not

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

Thank you.... I will try. But here's the thing... I have a serious case of Bronchitis. That's real. My anxiety... Isn't. When I have compulsions, they stop me from breathing & something like meditation turns into a panic attack & I feel like I'm going to die. I struggle to breathe and get dizzy. But I will try. I have to.

Alyosha

Date posted: 5y

Don’t give up! It took me several tries and years to find a helpful therapist. I was so straightforward with my current one on our first phone consult. Make a list of what worked and what didn’t and share that with therapists when you call them up. I’ve had therapists tell me they couldn’t help me, too. I’m grateful for their honesty, but it hurts. I’m sorry you feel abandoned.

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

Thank you, hon. That was useful advice.

sillybilly

Date posted: 5y

Do you have a pet? Pets can really come in handy when you have depression or anxiety. And it gives you something to put your mind on because you have to take care of it. That’s my advice. Get something to take your mind off of your obsessions. Could be reading/writing a book, yoga, talking walks, dancing, or just whatever you love to do. I know this isn’t the best advice but it’s what helped me whenever I’m depressed. Just wanna let you know that you are welcomed in this community. We all have problems here but that’s what makes us a community. Ima put you in my morning prayer today. God bless.

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for that. It really means a lot to me.

sillybilly

Date posted: 5y

@SamanthaSarah No problem. Just wanted to let you know that you are loved. Every human has flaws and insecurities but that is what makes us human. No human is perfect. Even Lele Pons, a famous comedian, has OCD. We can make it and get through this. There is always a way. There’s a song I recommend called ‘Orange Juice’ by Melanie Martinez:)

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

@sillybilly Thank you so much. Yeah, I'll check it out. I watched the video Lele put out and it was such a trigger - the accuracy. I'll be watching the rest of the series. She's done a good job with it.

A brother

Date posted: 5y

Have you reached out to any professional in the past?

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

I have... I was in therapy but my therapist was afraid of me. Others just gave up hope. Everyone I've ever considered close, abandoned me or got pushed away. It reached a point where I wouldn't shower. I couldn't leave my bedroom. I couldn't go to work. Leftover food was rotting in my room. Nothing made me function, let lone happy. People that tried to help, I treated so badly & I didn't mean to & I'm guilty to this day about it. What triggered this out of proportion is when my ex cheated on me with my best friend & started to raise hands on me. I already come from a family of domestic violence. My mind is racing so fast. I obsess over absolutely everything. Then I clean... Non stop. I clean for hours. I mop the floor thrice per room. I keep changing the water after every room. I hate bad handwriting. I hate dog ear folds on pages. I hate loud noises or people yelling at me. I'm afraid to be alone. I'm afraid to be around people. I need someone to talk to. I don't want to die... But I don't want to live either. Thank you for showing me kindness.

Fear Strikes...

Date posted: 5y

@SamanthaSarah Would you consider a residential treatment program for anxiety and depression? You may know all of the techniques but having that 24/7 support can be hugely important.

Fear Strikes...

Date posted: 5y

@Fear Strikes Out What country do you reside?

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

@Fear Strikes Out Unfortunately, India. If there's anything worse than the actual treatment process, its the stigma.

A brother

Date posted: 5y

If not it is crucial that you do.

SamanthaSarah

Date posted: 5y

I've studied Psychology back in school and college and have covered Abnormal and Clinical psychology. The worst part? I know what a therapist is going to say and what counselling techniques they'll recommend. Which makes matters worse. It's so difficult with me because there is so much opposition for every type of solution you could think of. I'm a mess.

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