- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Please don't. Redditers are literal trolls. They'll tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Leave that app for now please. I have been on there and the things I have read have made me do anxious and fueled my OCD even more
I know. It’s hard though because there’s stuff that could point to me being gay and it hurts
Yeah Reddit isn’t great for that. I’m subscribed to their OCD subreddit but it seems like if post something about how you’re improving there’s a lot of negativity like “oh that’s great for you I’m dealing with it 100x worse than you tho and nothing helps” sort of thing. I just stay for the memes.
@Evelyn4416 I posted on a lesbian forum which might have been my first mistake
@Yikes1000X Not because they were rude or anything, but they probably assumed if I sought out the forum there was more to it than really severe OCD
Same I feel you. I feel so terrible. I have no attraction anymore. I feel like I'm foricng myself to be straight but I genuinely don't want to be gay, never did.
I’m so scared I’ll never get a good sexual relationship with my boyfriend
@Yikes1000X Same except the thing is I never had one which scares me even more. I feel like I just like the idea sex but not the content irl with a guy. I remember before hocd I would be so into it, like I wanted it. But now my desires and attractions are all gone and I feel like I've turned gay :(
I had to delete my Reddit. Even though I have a history of getting rid of social media as a compulsion, it is the only one I have never re-downloaded or made a new account for and I am so much better without it. Same with Instagram. I kept seeing family members who "cared" about me constantly posting on their IG stories, but ignoring my texts and messages. Now I don't have to sit there and watch them upload to Instagram every 30 minutes while they haven't responded to me in weeks.
Sure, maybe you're bi. Nobody here or on Reddit can tell you. But I don't think it matters how much stuff you can dig up that "points towards" something. Ironically, there's gonna be just as much stuff which points away from it yet arguing with the idea using that stuff just makes the cycle worse. So even though your OCD is using confirmation bias to maximise the gay stuff and minimise the straight stuff when you ruminate over and look for evidence, the only way to get rid of the OCD and be able to see it in a more balanced way is to decide to stop trying to find out.
Definitely valid! I have a great habit of feeding my ocd only information that fits the narrative
@Yikes1000X Well, things which seem to threaten us tend to feel a lot more real and present and vibrant. And things which go against that just seem weak and flimsy.
@Scoggy Very true. Ironically the same person on Reddit then sent me a link about HOCD
@Yikes1000X I don't think, even though you confessed everything to them, that it matters what opinion this person has. People who are gay or bi can develop HOCD if there are reasons which make it feel like a threat to their identity (homophobic family/community, religious or political identification, judgmental beliefs about gay people, etc), it's important to acknowledge that you have OCD symptoms (obsession plus compulsions) and focus on treating that. The only thing which brings a clear perspective is treatment but people really do avoid doing that out of fear of finding out things they can't cope with. That's a big reason why it's important to do stuff which improves your own sense of your coping ability for in your worst case scenarios. For example, a lot of people are able to draw the distinction that if they are gay or bi it doesn't mean they would be obliged to do sexual things they aren't interested in doing or leave a happy relationship or not have a straight marriage etc. Not feeling like your fear would bring your life to an end is a very good motivator for treating it and getting your life back.
@Scoggy Very well put, I’ve been trying my best to say that I can still get married even if I’m gay. Hopefully the sex problems will heal once I get more into ERP
@Scoggy I think my biggest thing is trying to get over the hurdle of I’ll never have a good sex life with my partner, but you’re absolutely right, it’s ocd I need to address if I want to get better
@Yikes1000X Mind you, don't argue with the thoughts by saying that. Just know that it's true, and let that motivate you to avoid all compulsions:)
@Scoggy Sounds about right. I am definitely afraid of finding out I am gay if I get better, it feels weirdly comfortable to just be constantly upset and not get help. But I’m only putting strain on my relationship and feeding my fears
This is ridiculous, now I feel like I’m truly questioning my sexuality. I’m 15. Never had a crush on a girl, don’t think I have. Touched myself to lesbian porn mostly, turned on by sexual images of women but still I never questioned what I felt for boys. I knew I would crush on them, I knew they were feelings. If anything maybe I could be bisexual. But still that doesn’t seem right. I’m just completely lost. Maybe I’m just thinking to much. It shouldn’t be this hard right? I read bisexual people immediately knew. Most of them I think, they realized all their crushes and Fantasies they wanted in real life. I never fantasized about a women, or any girl. I remember crushing on a senior once, I felt excited to see him at school. And fantasized about him. And with my Boyfriend he was just so innocent, and cute and sweet, and when we do sexual stuff I like it. I get uhm .. wet. Sorryyy. I recently got advice to look out for any girl crushes. And I’m really scared about that now. Maybe I can crush on a girl and maybe I can’t. I don’t know anymore. I feel completely unsure of everything. Im not sure if I’m straight or not. I recently started to take quizzes again. I either got straight or bisexual. And idk can anyone give advice? Thanks for reading through all of this if you did.
I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.
Yk how people always say that you would know since childhood or early teen years what your sexuality was even if you didn’t acknowledge or question it? That truly scares me because now I’m question did I secretly know I was bi or gay and just didn’t pay attention to those moments? Was I attracted to men without realizing it ? Did I just push it aside and focused on woman? I’m so lost because for all my life I’ve considered myself straight but now it feels like I’ve been having short moments in my life that I knew I was something besides that. I truly don’t know if this is ocd convincing me or if I’m just to deep in denial to admit it. I’m so lost and feel so alone.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond