- Date posted
- 5y
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- 5y
Please don't. Redditers are literal trolls. They'll tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Leave that app for now please. I have been on there and the things I have read have made me do anxious and fueled my OCD even more
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- 5y
I know. It’s hard though because there’s stuff that could point to me being gay and it hurts
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- 5y
Yeah Reddit isn’t great for that. I’m subscribed to their OCD subreddit but it seems like if post something about how you’re improving there’s a lot of negativity like “oh that’s great for you I’m dealing with it 100x worse than you tho and nothing helps” sort of thing. I just stay for the memes.
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- 5y
@Evelyn4416 I posted on a lesbian forum which might have been my first mistake
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- 5y
@Yikes1000X Not because they were rude or anything, but they probably assumed if I sought out the forum there was more to it than really severe OCD
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- 5y
Same I feel you. I feel so terrible. I have no attraction anymore. I feel like I'm foricng myself to be straight but I genuinely don't want to be gay, never did.
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- 5y
I’m so scared I’ll never get a good sexual relationship with my boyfriend
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- 5y
@Yikes1000X Same except the thing is I never had one which scares me even more. I feel like I just like the idea sex but not the content irl with a guy. I remember before hocd I would be so into it, like I wanted it. But now my desires and attractions are all gone and I feel like I've turned gay :(
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- 5y
I had to delete my Reddit. Even though I have a history of getting rid of social media as a compulsion, it is the only one I have never re-downloaded or made a new account for and I am so much better without it. Same with Instagram. I kept seeing family members who "cared" about me constantly posting on their IG stories, but ignoring my texts and messages. Now I don't have to sit there and watch them upload to Instagram every 30 minutes while they haven't responded to me in weeks.
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- 5y
Sure, maybe you're bi. Nobody here or on Reddit can tell you. But I don't think it matters how much stuff you can dig up that "points towards" something. Ironically, there's gonna be just as much stuff which points away from it yet arguing with the idea using that stuff just makes the cycle worse. So even though your OCD is using confirmation bias to maximise the gay stuff and minimise the straight stuff when you ruminate over and look for evidence, the only way to get rid of the OCD and be able to see it in a more balanced way is to decide to stop trying to find out.
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- 5y
Definitely valid! I have a great habit of feeding my ocd only information that fits the narrative
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- 5y
@Yikes1000X Well, things which seem to threaten us tend to feel a lot more real and present and vibrant. And things which go against that just seem weak and flimsy.
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- 5y
@Scoggy Very true. Ironically the same person on Reddit then sent me a link about HOCD
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- 5y
@Yikes1000X I don't think, even though you confessed everything to them, that it matters what opinion this person has. People who are gay or bi can develop HOCD if there are reasons which make it feel like a threat to their identity (homophobic family/community, religious or political identification, judgmental beliefs about gay people, etc), it's important to acknowledge that you have OCD symptoms (obsession plus compulsions) and focus on treating that. The only thing which brings a clear perspective is treatment but people really do avoid doing that out of fear of finding out things they can't cope with. That's a big reason why it's important to do stuff which improves your own sense of your coping ability for in your worst case scenarios. For example, a lot of people are able to draw the distinction that if they are gay or bi it doesn't mean they would be obliged to do sexual things they aren't interested in doing or leave a happy relationship or not have a straight marriage etc. Not feeling like your fear would bring your life to an end is a very good motivator for treating it and getting your life back.
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- 5y
@Scoggy Very well put, I’ve been trying my best to say that I can still get married even if I’m gay. Hopefully the sex problems will heal once I get more into ERP
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- 5y
@Scoggy I think my biggest thing is trying to get over the hurdle of I’ll never have a good sex life with my partner, but you’re absolutely right, it’s ocd I need to address if I want to get better
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- 5y
@Yikes1000X Mind you, don't argue with the thoughts by saying that. Just know that it's true, and let that motivate you to avoid all compulsions:)
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- 5y
@Scoggy Sounds about right. I am definitely afraid of finding out I am gay if I get better, it feels weirdly comfortable to just be constantly upset and not get help. But I’m only putting strain on my relationship and feeding my fears
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 10w
I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping I’d start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like I’m gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do I’ll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that I’ll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts don’t even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.
- Date posted
- 6w
Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.
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