Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
san🌻san🌻
- Date posted
- 5y
Please don't. Redditers are literal trolls. They'll tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Leave that app for now please. I have been on there and the things I have read have made me do anxious and fueled my OCD even more
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I know. It’s hard though because there’s stuff that could point to me being gay and it hurts
Evelyn4416Evelyn4416
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah Reddit isn’t great for that. I’m subscribed to their OCD subreddit but it seems like if post something about how you’re improving there’s a lot of negativity like “oh that’s great for you I’m dealing with it 100x worse than you tho and nothing helps” sort of thing. I just stay for the memes.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 I posted on a lesbian forum which might have been my first mistake
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Not because they were rude or anything, but they probably assumed if I sought out the forum there was more to it than really severe OCD
san🌻san🌻
- Date posted
- 5y
Same I feel you. I feel so terrible. I have no attraction anymore. I feel like I'm foricng myself to be straight but I genuinely don't want to be gay, never did.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m so scared I’ll never get a good sexual relationship with my boyfriend
san🌻san🌻
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Same except the thing is I never had one which scares me even more. I feel like I just like the idea sex but not the content irl with a guy. I remember before hocd I would be so into it, like I wanted it. But now my desires and attractions are all gone and I feel like I've turned gay :(
gitoutmeswampgitoutmeswamp
- Date posted
- 5y
I had to delete my Reddit. Even though I have a history of getting rid of social media as a compulsion, it is the only one I have never re-downloaded or made a new account for and I am so much better without it. Same with Instagram. I kept seeing family members who "cared" about me constantly posting on their IG stories, but ignoring my texts and messages. Now I don't have to sit there and watch them upload to Instagram every 30 minutes while they haven't responded to me in weeks.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Sure, maybe you're bi. Nobody here or on Reddit can tell you. But I don't think it matters how much stuff you can dig up that "points towards" something. Ironically, there's gonna be just as much stuff which points away from it yet arguing with the idea using that stuff just makes the cycle worse. So even though your OCD is using confirmation bias to maximise the gay stuff and minimise the straight stuff when you ruminate over and look for evidence, the only way to get rid of the OCD and be able to see it in a more balanced way is to decide to stop trying to find out.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Definitely valid! I have a great habit of feeding my ocd only information that fits the narrative
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Well, things which seem to threaten us tend to feel a lot more real and present and vibrant. And things which go against that just seem weak and flimsy.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Very true. Ironically the same person on Reddit then sent me a link about HOCD
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X I don't think, even though you confessed everything to them, that it matters what opinion this person has. People who are gay or bi can develop HOCD if there are reasons which make it feel like a threat to their identity (homophobic family/community, religious or political identification, judgmental beliefs about gay people, etc), it's important to acknowledge that you have OCD symptoms (obsession plus compulsions) and focus on treating that. The only thing which brings a clear perspective is treatment but people really do avoid doing that out of fear of finding out things they can't cope with. That's a big reason why it's important to do stuff which improves your own sense of your coping ability for in your worst case scenarios. For example, a lot of people are able to draw the distinction that if they are gay or bi it doesn't mean they would be obliged to do sexual things they aren't interested in doing or leave a happy relationship or not have a straight marriage etc. Not feeling like your fear would bring your life to an end is a very good motivator for treating it and getting your life back.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Very well put, I’ve been trying my best to say that I can still get married even if I’m gay. Hopefully the sex problems will heal once I get more into ERP
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy I think my biggest thing is trying to get over the hurdle of I’ll never have a good sex life with my partner, but you’re absolutely right, it’s ocd I need to address if I want to get better
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Mind you, don't argue with the thoughts by saying that. Just know that it's true, and let that motivate you to avoid all compulsions:)
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Sounds about right. I am definitely afraid of finding out I am gay if I get better, it feels weirdly comfortable to just be constantly upset and not get help. But I’m only putting strain on my relationship and feeding my fears
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 24w
i feel bad for posting (includes 18+) pls read
my bf knows abt my googling and talking with chat bgt but does not know about this app, he is at my house and now im alone bc he is at the bathroom and he told me to not google and things but im confused idk what i feel i want to feel good and happy, i was good amd happy today, but now i have a lot of thoughts, my libido is low and i found it hard to kiss and do sexual things. Im scared i will br like this forever amd that i will never want to have sex (i am a virgin) , i will be 18 soon and i hate that i am like this. Im so scared i will never want to do this. i want to, but i always feel strange and my thoughts attack me making me feel so bad. i hate myself for posting here bc it is a compulsion and i feel like a liar, he loves me so much :(
misereri
- Date posted
- 19w
Someone to talk to?please?
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
Ishtar._
- Date posted
- 15w
i don't think i have OCD..
hello everybody! 🔞 last saturday i did something i shouldn't have done, and i even posted about it here, but no one responded to my post (it's okay, i completely understand). to inform you, since i deleted the post: i consumed erotic literature where two 14 year old children had a relationship (☠️), on wattpad. and i consumed this theme to see if i was really attracted to it..i think. i'm unsure about it, but i know i didn't feel anything consuming it. i was feeling extremely anxious and felt extremely bad the next day, and i only got better when i talked to my girlfriend and an online friend. i'm still feeling bad, i know i shouldn't have done it and whenever i'm feeling genuinely good, it comes back to haunt me.. i'm worried because i'm not feeling enough guilt or remorse, idk.. i feel bad and i regret it, and i can't stand going through this problem anymore.. i was in therapy a few months ago, but i stopped for financial reasons and my psychologist doesn't see me virtually anymore. it's been difficult.. just a vent.
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