I’m upset again because I’m not sure what I said or if I said something, it was while I was on my way home and my mom had the music blasting so loud I can’t even remember anything yet could I even hear myself whisper but my thoughts were annoying me I don’t know if I said “shut up” out loud for some reason I remember being cut off because my mom was telling me something but it had to be that because my mind was annoying me, and I said that in my head just before and I might’ve been trying to repeat it for reassurance I might not have said it in full so like a because I feel like I was cut off, my mind thinks I might’ve just said “shu-“ which isn’t even a word but my mind is overthinking and trying to point it to the fragile and hurtful topic that was annoying me, and the music was too loud I have no memory but I don’t know my mind is making me think/feel like I am crazy. I couldn’t hear anything and I can’t get past what exactly I said or if I even said anything but at least I know what I meant to say ? this was towards the intrusive hurtful thought in my head btw not to my mom, please help me

I wasn’t telling her to shut up, I wasn’t talking to her it was to the thought in my head that was hurtful, my mom didn’t hear it, I wasn’t saying it to her but my mind is still obsessed because I don’t know if I said it or not

@catherinez Lately, when I have an obsessive thought, I think of it it as a metaphorical ball that my brain is holding and doesnt want to let go. And then I picture it letting the ball drop. Because it doesn't matter. It's just a ball. It helps break the rumination loop for me. I can't say what will work for you, I can only say what works for me. Also, I've been practicing meditation for years now, which requires you to aknowlege any thoughts and then let them drop away. To practice over and over with small, non-obsessive thoughts makes it easier to drop the obsessive ones.

@saxitlurg What can I do as far as the obsession of not knowing what I said or if I said anything? It’s not really the thought thats bothering me

What if you mind accuses you of saying something you would never say? And it feels real?

@catherinez That's an intrusive thought, and they suck too. My brain likes to lie to me and tell me things about myself that I know aren't true (like that I'm selfish or cold or unlovable or that I wouldn't care if my mom or best friend died). I know that this app is founded by a very Christian guy, and I think that's dope, but Taoism has been really helpful to me in combatting my brain's gaslighting in a healthy way, because it teaches the importance of knowing your own character so that it becomes a foundation that can keep you when a storm (like the spiraling tornado of obessive thoughts) is beating down on you