I am freaking pissed. I wasted a year teaching my nephew how to read. Except that he puts zero effort into his school work and his dad puts zero effort into trying to help or motivate him. I am really freaking pissed off. Not only does my nephew not even try in his school work, he is EXTREMELY disrespectful of my husband and I who have done nothing except try to help and support him. And his dad bold faced lied to me about him completing his school work when he didn't. And he was dumb enough to send back the uncompleted work! If you're going to fucking lie right to my face, at least be smart about it.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

We're here to listen until the emotion passes. Then, if you want, we can unpack it a bit

gitoutmeswamp

Date posted: 5y

So last summer I nannied all 3 of my nephews until I got a job in Spetember. During this time I taught my then 8 yr old nephew how to read (he could literally not even read Dr. Suess) My MIL decided it would be best if he stay with us during the week and go to school where we live since our school district is better than where his dad lives. I was told I was going to have support from both MIL and BIL to help my nephew, this was never the case. I would work with him on reading comprehension after school almost every day. MIL would always offer to help, but never actually followed through. When I would send nephew home on the weekends, I would send a couple of reading comprehension worksheets home. They either never got done or were rushed through, this was a common theme with my nephew - him never fully putting in effort (I could tell the difference because when I saw his best effort, it was rarely and like night and day from the work he normally gave me) and then throwing a toddler style tantrum multiple times a day when I told him he would need to try again, so I just stopped sending them. Fast forward to Covid, and I lose my job and am essentially homeschooling him. MIL is stuck out of state because she left before the lockdown began and BIL can't even be bothered to call his own son until I finally freaked out at him and then also went to FIL for support (thank goodness FIL and husband have been on my side this whole time.) Well the lockdown lifted where I am recently, so I sent nephew home for a week with his work and a detailed list of instructions and a schedule. BIL even called and we walked him through what to do. This is the same routine of work my nephew had been doing for weeks, so he knew what he needed to do. I had relayed the message to BIL in 3 separate ways and he would text me every night saying something along the lines of, "Nephew did all his work and he did great." Well. Then he sends the packet of work home. Half of it is completely blank. The rest is only partially done. If he is going to outright lie to me, the least he could have done was not sent home the untouched work. So I talked to FIL and said, "I am done. I am not going to be in charge of this kid anymore if I am not going to get support from the people who said would support me." He agreed and told me to just stop. Well now MIL is back from out of state (she actually got back like a week before I talked to FIL and before nephew went home for the week) and she tells me I can't give up. Defending BIL and saying "He works, he has 3 kids, he doesn't have a wife." None of that, as far as I am concerned, is my problem and I had a job and then would come home and take care of my nephew 5/7 days of the week! Then I explained nephews attitude problems and she says, "That's just parenting," to which I respond, "He isn't my child." I spent a year helping this kid and he couldn't even give my any effort, his dad wouldn't support him and/or would lie about helping his own son. And on the reverse, my nephew (who will be turning 10 in December) doesn't put in effort, constantly back talked me, and wasn't even putting in effort at school! This REALLY pissed me off. He wasn't completing his work at school. I never once got contact from the teacher. I found out when I got his report card and he basically had a failing for "turns in work completed or on time." I asked why that was and he said he never brought home uncompleted work. I asked why again and he said, "Because I didn't want to." Are you freaking kidding me?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

You put a ton of time and energy into helping him, and neither he nor his parent seem grateful. If it were me, I could give your nephew a pass on the blame, because he's still a kid, but I'd be furious with his parents. The kid is probably taking his cues about how to behave from them, despite you role modeling much healthier attitudes and behaviors.

gitoutmeswamp

Date posted: 5y

I would never rudely or even angrily express my frustration to my nephew, because you're right. He is just a kid. But the way he acts with his grandparents and my husband and me, for example, is night and day. He is super put together and respectful to them, but not to my husband and me. And though his grandparents have done a ton for him, it is not to the extent that my husband and I have put in. So the way I see it, there is no reason for him to be so disrespectful to my husband and me. It isn't only in how he talks to us, but how he acts around us. It is completely different than when he even interacts with his other unlces and aunts. Since he has shown me that he can be respectful to other adults, I see no reason that he should behave so disrespectfully to my husband and me. I have outwardly expressed my frustration to BIL. And I am furious. That's mainly why am I withdrawing all my help, is because BIL is taking advantage of my husband and me and what we're doing for his son. I have calmly spoken to my nephew about how his behavior is disrespectful multiple times, but he hasn't ever made a change. I guess I am at a loss for what to do with him. I am not going to be his educational guardian next year like I was this last year. His dad is taking that over (per request of my husband and me) and FIL will be the back up guardian (since BIL is technically out of district and the last thing I want is to make this kid transfer schools yet another time). Also nephew is getting to the age where he is going to be almost completely responsible for his actions, especially his actions in regards to his education and his social behavior.

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