So this is really hard to talk about but my past even ocd and other themes are killing me When I was a child I used to do weird things with a dog like dry hump Then in my early twenties I'm sure I remember letting the dog lick down there and I am so ashamed I cant get this memory out of my head, my family have all said to move on and to stop trying to self destruct but I cant move on I do not do this now and am not attracted to dogs at all. I love my dog and absoloutly love dogs and find them therapeutic. I just want to stop feeling like a criminal and that I'm not alone.

Who do you usually confess to? Perhaps it would help to teach them how to respond in a way that doesn't feed the ocd cycle by temporarily lowering your distress

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I have confessed to my family and my partner. I just want to feel normal and to stop feeling like I'm evil or different because of what I did. I try not to seek reassurance from them anymore but I have a hard time not looking online to see if others have done the same. I just have this constant worry that I need to tell my freind or everytime I am around her I will worry that I'm going to tell her as its always on my mind.

@b2192 Was this post a confession?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I guess maybe it was. I think I'm just hoping I will be able to forgive myself for what happened and ask if I should be forgiven

@b2192 I don't think "shoulds" are your friend here

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I don't understand ?

@b2192 You said "whether I should be forgiven". "Shoulds" usually make us feel worse, which rarely helps us improve our actions. The question isn't whether you deserve to be forgiven, it's whether forgiving yourself will give you the freedom to live life in a way that is enjoyable and meaningful

Yes, people do weird shit. I was reading an article on real event ocd that really helped me - you’re not mother Theresa but you’re not Jeffrey Dahmer. Most people fall flat in the middle and most people lean more towards good that bad. But no one is going to put you into jail for what happened. You’re struggling with reassurance (which trust me, I get!) but honestly you have to know if you can a) work through this in treatment, and b) start learning to forgive yourself. The punishment does not fit the “crime”. The best way is to seek treatment!

I truly understand. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of but we can move past them. I hope you get some treatment, it really does help!

It sounds like you're doing a bunch of mental compulsions

Comparing yourself to a pedophile, ruminating on the guilt, denying yourself pleasurable things because you don't deserve them

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Do you have any advice on how I can work on this? Thankyou

@b2192 The exposure is noticing the thoughts and saying some version of "maybe" (remembering that maybe means some tiny chance, not a fifty fifty coin flip) and response prevention is continuing to live your life normally anyways, without the mental compulsions. Expect it to feel really bad at first

I understand. Real event ocd is so tough because it’s an actual event that happened. But it’s the same sort of treatment as any other form of OCD which is ERP. Talking to a therapist is the best option and I highly recommend you do that because it will help alleviate your symptoms. I wouldn’t hold things you did as a child against yourself because kids do all sorts of weird things. As for the thing in your twenties I mean, people do weird shit in their twenties all the time! But I understand the anxiety. You really need to talk to a preofessional if you can because honestly doing the therapy is the only way to really get better.