ever since this morning I’ve literally been going insane. I’m black and I’m worried that if my mom gets pulled over at anytime she’ll get killed or we both get killed or I’d get killed. I’ve talked to people about this and I’ve been told “the police wouldn’t get me and my mom because we look mixed” or “we don’t look that black and we look hispanic so they won’t get us” or “you’re not black men so you won’t get shot.” Those things I’ve been told aren’t necessarily the best things to say to any black person. maybe it is true, maybe it isn’t, I don’t know, but I’ve been worried about it all day and idk how I’m gonna go to sleep tonight or even let this go. My mom has never had any problems with white cops, they’ve been relatively good to me and my mom and my brother so I’m not that worried. But what if we meet the wrong cop one day, idk.... I keep having thoughts telling me “we’re gonna die” and “I’m gonna get shot” it’s bugging me out. Ocd won’t let me get any sleep tonight, I know that. It’s all I can think about, and tik tok is no help whatsoever. All I see on my fyp is stuff about Minneapolis and burning buildings and people just talking about this whole situation. I’m very upset about it too, but judging from the anxiety I’m feeling, that’s the last thing I really need to hear about now. I could just get off tiktok but I’m gonna get anxious cause I’m not on it so I really don’t have a way out either way so...?✌?

sunlight034

Date posted: 5y

hey, i’m really sorry you feel like this. as a fellow black girl here i can see why you feel afraid. and you’re not the only one. all these riots are happening because people are scared of the same thing happening to them and their close ones. it’s a normal and understandable reaction to what’s been happening. but, your ocd will zoom in on things that you fear and make them seem worse than they really are. it’s unlikely your mum will get pulled over and killed. because you have ocd, your brain will circle back and forth on one thing and try to make sense of it. you have to sit with this uncertainty and understand that there are somethings you will never know, ever. like the future. you’ll never know that. and you have to decide whether you’re going to keep questioning yourself about the unknown or just sit with this feeling of uncertainty till it passes (which it will, i promise) i wish you the best, and to avoid triggering yourself i suggest you stay off tiktok lmao i am kind of tryna do the same thing rn

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

love this so much??❤️ you rlly put things into perspective for me and I appreciate it. Thanks a ton luv

sophie02

Date posted: 5y

First of all? Felt the whole tik tok thing. Also while your fears are warranted I think your ocd is especially acting up because of all the police brutality happening rn. As an asian American, I suffered similar fears ( tho not NEARLY to the same extent, I can’t even pretend to relate to what you must be going thru I’m so sorry) during the beginning of the corona virus as people would curse at my mother and I I’m grocery stores, etc. I worried that things would get violent. You have to remember that scary things happen everyday, and our ocd just focuses on those things. The first step is acceptance. Take a moment to really think about your anxiety and ocd and everything and just let it be present don’t try to avoid it with tik tok etc. (and luv trust me I know it’s hard) we have to understand that worrying isn’t going to help us and that we need to just live. Omg that sounds so dumb I’m sorry. I wish I could help more! Side note barbz for bernie

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

barbz for Bernie ALWAYSS✨ I appreciate this. I needed to hear this?? tysm

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

also stay safe, and I hope things don’t get violent for you guys either, ig it’s a little tough for most of us rn

sophie02

Date posted: 5y

@ocdgirl$ummer Thx I really appreciate it! You too. It’s hard to not be white in America rn. Periodt ??

abdul8

Date posted: 5y

I am black and I feel your pain. Being black and having mental health problems doubles out vulnerablities. But it also makes us that much stronger.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I’ve literally been spiraling all day, and I’ve wanted to look up if the police kills black girls, so far I haven’t see a lot of situations like that, but I just keep worrying that they’ll start? I hate this country

sophie02

Date posted: 5y

@ocdgirl$ummer It’s okay! I’m here if you need support. Don’t distract yourself and deal with the anxiety head on but DONT give into compulsions like looking up stuff trust me it makes it worst. I know you are strong enough to deal with this! Lmao I honestly hate this country too but we have to remember that’s r can be the change and love and help each other! Sometimes it’s so hard to find goodness in this dark and messed up world and I start spiraling too. But we can work through it knowing that there is love and kindness anywhere you go!?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@sophie02 ❤️???✨ p e e r i y u d

sophie02

Date posted: 5y

@ocdgirl$ummer no ?. ?? ✨

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Alot is on my mind u feel like I’m going to lose my mind , not really a lot but if I think too hard I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I was trying to slp n I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I’ve always been having thoughts about going crazy it never really changed , I have other thoughts and triggers but they always somehow lead Bk to me thinking I’m going to lose my mind , guys I’m so tired , do I even have ocd

bradyx20

Date posted: 11w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 10w

kind of a rough day

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling

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