It’s so hard to deal with this theme (Suicidal OCD) because the slight chance that I may not have OCD and be actually suicidal is frightening. This is my whole life at stake. I’ve been diagnosed multiple times with OCD but I just can’t believe it. I think I’m truly suicidal and in grave danger. I truly feel like I am going to do it and that I just don’t want life anymore. I feel bored of existence and disconnected from everything. People keep telling me to be patient but they just don’t understand how hard it is to be fighting this on a daily basis. Quarantine is truly making everything worse. I can barely grasp onto the little bit of hope I have!

Hey Courtney! I’m very glad to hear that you’ve had progress even if it’s small. Good luck with your treatment journey! I’m now even more intrigued to start ERP because it really seems to be a game changer.

@ItsOmar I’m really rooting for you! There is hope. I know barriers to finding therapy can make everything feel helpless. There are some good self help books, podcasts, YouTube channels etc while you wait. I’m here if you ever need to chat!

@Courtney Okay Courtney, thank you!

Thank you so much for the support! That’s the thing though, it’s messing with my mind and driving me crazy. And I really hope we do!

Thank you Angie! How long have you had this theme if you don’t mind me asking and what has your experience been like? And I’ll definitely try to stay as positive as I can.

@ItsOmar Hey hey I’ve been having this theme plus existential ocd since last december! Ive had real bad days but the good days pays off! I know its hard to stay positve and not believing our ocd when it feels so true but thats what we have to remember that its not true we are only reacting with fear to OCD! Our brain has just been high jacked and we will fight to take control again!

@Angiefree Sounds alot like my case. I guess you’re right, we do have to fight to take back control! Have you been doing therapy/ERP? Alot of people say it’s very effective.

@ItsOmar I’ve done a bit of therapy bit not since the covid19! Will start again soon and will ask my therapist to do ERP :)

*as you unfortunately know

Hi there! Thank you for your response! I’m also really depressed, hopeless, and frightened. I actually haven’t started therapy yet because of this pandemic so I’ve to wait a while. It’s been really difficult though because I can’t seem to believe that this is just OCD. Would you mind sharing your experience with me?

@ItsOmar I want to be careful not to reassure you that it is OCD, since that’ll actually make the OCD worse. So know that if you read this and “check” to see if it sounds like your situation, it’ll make your OCD worse! But for me, I was afraid that I would kill myself. I was afraid that I’d get sick of living because it was so hard and I was afraid I’d take pills to kill myself. I started ERP treatment and I had to write exposures about how I have no way of knowing if I’d kill myself. That was so difficult to do. But after doing it for a few months, it started to get better. Now I’m doing a lot better with that. I’m happy that you’ll be doing ERP once the pandemic settles down. A lot of therapists (maybe all?) are doing online therapy, so that’s another option if you don’t want to wait.

@Yayfortherapy I’ve to admit I was somewhat forced to check a little because of my OCD. ERP seems really scary honestly but also seems effective so I’m looking forward to it. The problem with online therapy for me is that I can’t find an OCD specialist who’s doing it for a decent price. A decent price for me would be around $80 a session. Do you have any recommendations?

@ItsOmar I pay about $80 a session. I found her through the IOCDF website. You’re right, it is scary but also really effective. Completely worth it! You can definitely do it.

@Yayfortherapy Hey hun, is she still available? Does she work remotely? For $80 still?