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- 5y
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- 5y
I'm going through the same thing right now. It's a thing. You're not alone.
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OCD latches onto anything, so I'm assuming that this is a thing
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It's OCD. The theme is immaterial with respect to treatment procedures.
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I have definitely been here! And even now, I’m worried I don’t care ENOUGH about the movement
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Same I'm worried I should be more outraged than I am.
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@Lina Exactly! And of course I’ll do everything I can, but I’m just worried about my inner self / intentions.
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It’s just tough. My whole life I’ve been educated (mostly through film) that black lives matter, and I truly believe that they do. I mean, how could they not?!!! It shouldn’t even be an argument but sadly it is. Yet lately I’ve worried I’m just not outraged enough. Of course I’ll continue to sign petitions, donate, share things etc! But I’m worried I should be MORE shaken inside. Or maybe I am, and the doubt is just covering it. I don’t know.
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Yeah I can relate I've started to have it more and more frequently.
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@poni_poki What do you mean by looking at someone the wrong way?
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@poni_poki I see what you're saying. I shouldn't even provide reassurance but I think the fact that we are worried about being racist means we are not. Yes we can do more and should continue in the future to support Black Lives. Because Black Lives Matter. Racist people don't give a crap if they are racist. They're awful human beings. I think we just think too much sometimes which can cause us to come to all these conclusions.
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@Lina Also there is this Youtuber called Zoe Amira. She made a video to support Black Lives Matter. You watch the whole video through and don't skip the ads and all of the money goes towards bail organizations and other things. She explains it on her channel. There are instructions on how to do it. I'll be watching the video every day for a while to help support.
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@Lina Yesss! I’ve been replaying it all day. Plus signing petitions and speaking out. It’s clear to me right now that I’m not racist. My anger and sympathy show me that. But there’s times where it fades and I get dropped into a pool of uncertainty. We’ve all just got to remember our hearts truly lay in a good place. To be anxious about it is proof. But sadly, that’s reassurance
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!
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- 23w
Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)
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- 22w
TW Religious OCD TW Racism I’ll try to make this somewhat quick, but there is some doubt to this memory, but I’ll say what I know. For one, I have had an obsession with doing bad prayers. Secondly, this is not just normal intrusive thoughts. My main fear was a racist prayer. Unfortunately, my brain found the perfect pathway for this. I was so afraid of a prayer being racist, that if all people of color suddenly died, I would feel so guilty, that I could attempt suicide (I was already suicidal). Unfortunately, this was something I could selfishly want, because of the suicide aspect. I feel like the best thing I can compare it to, is someone who is suicidal, who selfishly wouldn’t be upset if a meteor hit earth or something, cause they wouldn’t be at fault and they wouldn’t die. Or someone who is suicidal who selfishly would be ok with World War 3, because it could mean that they died, and there’s nothing for them to personally feel guilty about if it wasn’t their fault. My brain one day came up with something. If I prayed for something bad to happen, it would be my fault. But what if in the conditions of the prayer, for it to happen, I was magically at NO fault at all. Basically like the meteor scenario. What if everything was completely devoid of guilt. All of the sudden I feel like I became ok with it, prayed for it, and IMMEDIATELY regretted it, but knew what I was doing when I did it. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I’m pretty sure I quickly prayed for this, and then regretted it. The issue is, I don’t know how much influence ocd had over me when I did it. I mean, ocd did have an influence in putting together that scenario at first. It put together the WORST possible scenario in a way I could mean it could think of. I can’t completely remember how it happened. If it did happen, and it was my fault, how should I approach it? I feel horrible about it. Unfortunately, I am a bit worried it could happen again. Is this something I should forgive myself for? I know it’s terrible. Another option my mind presents is making myself feel as awful as possible consistently. Unfortunately, that leads to more issues. I’m very confused about this whole scenario, and I don’t think it is all intrusive thoughts. I do believe that ocd deliberately set me up in a scenario where I could pray for something awful, but I also believe I prayed for it and meant it when I did.
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