I don’t know if this is a religious OCD thing or not, but sometimes when I’m really having a bad day (today ain’t great) I’ll start scrambling to search for an external source that is causing me such distress, like if I have something pagan or not of God among my stuff, then think that’s probably the reason why I’m being tormenting and that those objects are bringing a demon to hurt me. For example, when my OCD onset first started (suicidal OCD) I literally went on a rampage through my room throwing out anything I thought might have been upsetting to God. I threw out my copy of the Witcher 3 (my absolute favorite video game), I threw out socks my cousin gave me for Christmas because they were Harry Potter theme, I threw out my Gorillaz t-shirts (because one of the characters is supposed to be a satanist even tho he’s literally a cartoon and it’s not ever mentioned besides his character description), and so on. After I figured out it was OCD I was upset I threw my things out. But sometimes it comes back full swing. For example I recently bought a poster from an artist who did a drawing of a character from this anime called Demon Slayer (really great show!) and now that I’ve been having some harder days this last week my mind is telling me that it’s the poster causing me to become worse (because the character was a human who became a demon/vampire thing). I really don’t want to throw it away because I know that’s not causing this and it’s a beautiful picture from a show I love, but it’s causing me fear saying how I’m allowing myself to be tortured because I own things like that. Anyone else experience something like that? Do I leave my stuff up?

powoslood

Date posted: 5y

God knows your heart and knows who you are in the inside so god doesn’t hate us. He loves us, even if we watch Harry Potter.

ljcemo

Date posted: 5y

It sounds like your OCD has really gotten in the way of things you value and it's currently telling you to remove a poster you like. I think the skillful thing to do would be to leave the poster up and acknowledge it may or may not be causing you to have a bad day.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. Yes sometimes it’s gets bad and my mind feels like it’s spiraling even though I’m in therapy and doing ERP, I guess it’s just more practice and how to accept my fears and emotions. I’m keeping it up!

ljcemo

Date posted: 5y

Practice is definitely important! And its something I struggle with. Doing ERP consistently and consistently choosing to accept uncertainty is really hard. Its great that you're working at it!

Stronger.

Date posted: 5y

Yes, that's OCD. Throwing everything out is a compulsion in the moment to ease the anxiety. I get this way too, I wanted to buy a dream catcher but suddenly thought it was sinful and didn't, I also wanted to take a terrot reading class Harvard is offering but now I'm freaking out about it. I hate hate hate that OCD has ruined my relationship with God.

Yayfortherapy

Date posted: 5y

I feel like it messes with my relationship with God, too. It’s so sad to me because my relationship with God is more important that anything else... you know how it is :(

Yayfortherapy

Date posted: 5y

Hey Evelyn4416, sorry you’re dealing with this! I’ve had similar things happen. I love Harry Potter and have a Hogwarts throw blanket. My OCD was telling me not to use it because if I used it, it means I don’t love God. I also had OCD that having it around was why my OCD was so bad, because it wasn’t actually OCD but demons attacking me. Another example, I LOVE the Zelda video games. I have a poster of Link and I kept having OCD that it was demonic (not sure why I thought that) and that I needed to hide it. It’s so sad when OCD takes things we love and twists them. It’s really tough. By doing ERP for a while, I eventually overcame that obsession. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing ERP as well.

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