I had a panic attack at work today, like full on crying, and had to leave early. I’m so embarrassed and scared to go back tomorrow

Hey! Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar. A bit of background: I have POTS and had a horrible flare up in March which led to us calling ambulances; I started on meds which didn’t agree with me; the POTS flare passed and left me with horrific anxiety on a level I’ve never experience before. I was still able to go out and do every day things like grocery shopping and see my nan but nothing more. Fast forward a few weeks my uncle dies and the grief and stress triggered a massive migraine, and bc I’ve never had a migraine before it scared me and I thought I was having a stroke or something. The migraine passed but my brain latched onto the fear of it and how it felt to have one. Long story short since the beginning of the year it’s been one thing after another. A few days ago I had the worst panic attack ever downstairs in my house (felt like I couldn’t feel my arm or face) and it sent me into a spiral. I am now terrified to leave the house in case I have a panic attack outdoors, it just feels so unsafe. I went to the shop with my dad yesterday and felt so bad, but i managed to do it and I was proud. Tried again to go to a different shop closer to home because I was already feeling bad, and it was horrific. I started having a panic attack, felt faint, my arm and face went tingly, so we went back home. I’m trying to challenge myself every day but I am really really struggling and not sure what to do at this point. I tried fluoxetine but had horrible side effects (which included a horrific dip in my mood) so I had to stop them. I’m seeing my doctor tomorrow to tell her everything and explain how difficult it is, but I’m just SO scared all the time. It’s like my body is constantly scanning for danger. It’s got to a point where it’s been going on for so long I’m just desperate to try anything to help me feel just a little bit better. I’m not asking for much, I just want to be able to go to the shop without feeling like I’m going to die. My question is has anyone else dealt with anything like this? The panic attacks are terrifying, and even though I know they’re “not dangerous” it does not help because they’re still so so scary and even worse when I’m out of my bedroom because if I’m by myself I can kinda lie down, do some breathing and talk myself round. I just don’t know how to get over this and I’m so so sad because I’m 31 and scared of being stuck like this forever 😭

I’ve been spiraling since a workplace incident last Thursday. I had an uncomfortable and tense interaction with a colleague, and it triggered a lot of obsessive rumination. I spent the whole weekend crying, panicking, and replaying everything that happened. Today, I went back to work — and it was really hard. Everyone acted like nothing happened. They joke with him, treat him normally, even though he bullied me and I’m just… sitting there. I didn’t greet him, and he didn’t greet me. I kept to myself, answered questions when I had to, but didn’t socialize. Now I feel scared. Like I’m walking on eggshells. I keep thinking: “What if I say something wrong?” “What if I make a mistake and they say, ‘You see? She’s the problem’? Acting holier than thou & she's a bigot too!" I know this is partly my OCD and trauma talking, but it feels so real. Like I’m one wrong move away from being blamed or alienated. I’ve even started eating lunch in my car to feel safe. I’m trying so hard to hold boundaries, stay professional, and protect my peace. But I’m exhausted. I feel like a shell of myself and I’m scared I’ll break. I was already a little on eggshells cause most of my colleagues say or do something bigoted every now & then...my bigotry ocd is always scared that when I don't confront them. I'm condoning it & becoming them. I'm exhausted. I want to work remotely so I can stay isolated from people. I don't think I'll ever heal from this. I feel like this incident is one of those that permanently changes you. Like when my parents & siblings says I'm not the same anymore. I'm more panicked etc.

So I work in a tutoring company that helps kids improve in math and reading. I usually do the grading and help out kids who are 3-6 years old. Today because there was 10mins left till closing I sent out a kid early and the mom came back asking me if he actually finished and I told her that he did two packets and that there was 5 mins till closing which I think was a mistake on my part to say that but like I was in shock because of how strong she came in and I then told her that if she wants I can do one reading with him and stay a bit longer but she also didn’t like that response due to her being upset that I let him leave 10 mins early. So then I told my boss the situation and the mom came back and for some reason the mom was now nicer and understanding about it and both just told me that next time to do one hour but my boss understood why I let him out early. It’s because I had another kid I was teaching and that kid likes to talk a lot and cause us a hard time so she thought that It was too much since I was working with that kid and the moms kid at the same time. But in the end I apologized to my boss about it and she told me that it’s okay that she only said certain things in front of the mom just so she can be happy or not have any problems. I just was very shaken up about it and still am. I feel like I always believe that I can handle people who come up to me in a frustrated or angry tone but nope I start wanting to hide and cry instantly so I was disappointed in myself. I have been wanting to quit this job for a minute because of the pay, I get paid monthly and it just doesn’t help with all the events and traveling I want to do. But I think I stay because I want the experience of working with kids so that I can seek other jobs but tbh I don’t think working with kids is for me. Not that I can’t handle kids, I know I can help and teach them it’s more so that it’s not a long term career that I wanna do. It’s just hard being a psych major and finding jobs or internships that relate to clinical psychology. I want to be able to hear people out and help them. I think I’m ranting at this point but in short I am just frustrated with myself for today because I’ve been working there for months and made a mistake that could’ve been easily fixed. It’s been bothering me all day and I hope it doesn’t ruin my mood for the rest of the week because I just wanna relax but feel like I can’t because I wanna cry.