Potential HOCD trigger / Sexual Orientation OCD trigger I’m so confused about my sexuality. But I don’t think I’m quite so anxious as those with HOCD because it’s clear to me that they’re obviously straight. Every single post I read about it I know is just OCD. Whereas for me, I genuinely don’t know what my sexuality is. I’ve always thought of myself as straight and I’ve liked boys. And in terms of sex, I’ve always imagined it with a guy. Even with porn (sorry, maybe TMI) I prefer guy and girl sex as opposed to lesbian sex. I imagine myself marring a man. I imagine myself being in a relationship with a man. But I do find women sexually attractive. I just don’t wanna have sex with them? I think. I’ve never had a crush on a girl. But that being said, there was this one character in a tv show that I feel like I did. I don’t know. I kinda didn’t want to though. It’s just weird. I know I like guys (I think / hope) and truthfully I don’t want to NOT be straight. Coming out just seems so difficult. Plus I don’t necessarily know if I’m bi or not. I’m also a little worried I’m just repressing any sort of feelings I could have towards women out of fear. Hfhfhxjdhdhdh I don’t even know.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Like I think women are attractive and that makes HOCD confusing. I know I have it because I have had it before, but this time it’s more Intense.

garden

Date posted: 5y

Exactly. I suffer a lot with TOCD but HOCD I’ve always assumed wasn’t even my OCD. But it makes more sense now. I know I like guys but I just get lost in the doubt

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@garden My therapist basically tells me this is super common in OCD. I doubted it so much that it feels true

garden

Date posted: 5y

@swill321 Yeah! I just feel like I was almost destined to be gay or something. It’s oddddd

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@garden It is. It’s so weird. But just because we may be asthetically attracted to girls, doesn’t automatically mean we are lesbian.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@garden Or a better way to put it without giving reassurance is that we might be we might not be. Just do what you want and if you have doubt live with that uncertainty.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Ok so you don't know about your sexuality, you find women attractive but would prefer to be with men. Why would having any attraction to women mean you need to come out? This is in the same category as the people who think they'd need to end their relationship or become a gay rights activist or start wearing sparkly tutus. I'm bisexual and never did any kind of "coming out" thing. I don't treat it like it's a big deal, so other people don't either. It's not really anyone's business. I don't think this is something you need to try to "solve". Modern culture hinges shit way too much on identity markers and acts like we should all be consumed by the topic and we don't know who we are if we haven't slapped a big proud certain label on ourselves. Make whatever decisions make you happy in your own life, every day. Problem solved.

garden

Date posted: 5y

Wow thanks, that’s great advice. You’re right. I don’t need a label I just feel as though I do. But like you said, it’s nobody’s business. Truthfully I just feel like I personally need to know... but maybe I don’t. I’m young and inexperienced. I have no clue what’s waiting for me!

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

If you believe that you are questioning your sexuality in a non OCD way, this probably isn't the right forum to explore your preferences. If you want help finding an LGBTQ community to talk with, we can help you. However, it's worth asking yourself why you chose to talk about it here ... Are there red flags of OCD?

garden

Date posted: 5y

You’re right actually. I guess I just thought mine was ‘too real’ to be OCD hence I thought I was just questioning things. But it still gives me anxiety, and makes me blow things out of proportion. I wasn’t trying to be inconsiderate and trigger anyone though so I’m really sorry if it looks that way :(

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@garden No apology needed. :)

evkrey

Date posted: 5y

In terms of being sexually attracted to women, I’m assuming you mean you have lesbian fantasies or watch lesbian porn and can get off to it?

garden

Date posted: 5y

Hmmm no not really. I guess (and maybe this is me making excuses for myself) that women have always been so sexualised to me? Through the media and stuff. And as a kid I remember that stuff being so fascinating to me. But I don’t quite know why. As a result, I assume I’m sexually attracted to women, but I still don’t know if that’s the case

evkrey

Date posted: 5y

@garden Yeah I highly doubt it then. It’s normal to see women as sexualized but that doesn’t mean you are sexually attracted to women. It sounds like you are straight but ocd comes in the picture when you notice a sexualized woman and asks “does this mean something more?” leading to compulsions.

garden

Date posted: 5y

@evkrey Yeah I guess so! I’m not even sure. I always excused it my whole life

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

LITERALLY SAME. 100% same. You are not alone

garden

Date posted: 5y

Oh I’m glad!

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