Mars
- Date posted
- 5y
Kimberley*Kimberley*
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel numb a lot of the time which I feel is due to my medication and I have always worried about being a narcissist or a bad person. to feel nothing is awful and causes alot of worry. it feels like you loose touch with who you were. are you on any medication at all? you are not alone ❤
MarsMars
- Date posted
- 5y
I am, we just upped my meds to 300 mg.
Kimberley*Kimberley*
- Date posted
- 5y
you see I feel alot of emotional numbness comes from medication. but it also comes from the condition itself wether that be anxiety, depression, bipolar etc. we have so much to deal with much more than any average person so things that would upset someone who doesn't suffer with mental health may not upset us because we have been through so much and build up a tolerance for it. I have thought about my emotions in great detail and it has crippled me. I am constantly analysing my feelings and that in itself is not great when you want your emotions to flow freely.
MarsMars
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, I’m just obsessing because I’ve experienced similar symptoms I think to narcissism but I have borderline and they can share similarities. I still care about people but sometimes I doubt myself like what if I’m just forcing myself. It scares me. It doesn’t help my ex best friend of 10 years was emotionally manipulated by me and I feel a lot of guilt. I didn’t realize what I was doing and I was just hurting but I fucked up a lot. I never meant to hurt anyone. So I just feel a lot of guilt and I can’t forgive myself even a year later.
Kimberley*Kimberley*
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand how you feel with that, I always think to myself what if I'm being fake with my emotions and dont feel anything for anybody. it's a scary thing. The main thing with you ex best friend is you now understand it was wrong and you are feeling something. guilt is an emotion. if you didnt care you would not be bothered. have you ever tried to sort things out or is the friendship not salvagable?
MarsMars
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m not sure if it is salvageable at this point. She’s still hurting. It started off as a “break” but I acted pretty crazy last year so I’m scared that I ruined that chance. It does not help that like, I have a friend who’s abusive and I cut them out of my life recently and to seek revenge they went to my ex best friend and knew just what to say to her that rang true to her own experiences with me. It made me so angry and upset. For once for the first time in a while I wanted to isolate myself again. I was planning to go to school and everything and this ex best friend I spoke to her for the first time in a year like two days ago when this happened. She was very cold towards me. I don’t know. It’s a lot to explain. She did say she didn’t feel ill will towards me tho but I’m still constantly plagued with guilt.
Kimberley*Kimberley*
- Date posted
- 5y
you have to try to forgive yourself, you cant torture yourself forever. I know it's hard and guilt is horrible when you cant find way to ease it. dont be so hard on yourself, you have admitted your wrong doing and that makes you a good hearted person. alot of people fail to see when they are in the wrong.
MarsMars
- Date posted
- 5y
I know, but my ocd gets to me because I’m scared like what if I hurt my ex best friend in more horrid ways and she just never said? We’ve been sexual before a lot through role plays and I’m scared what if they weren’t consensual and she just didn’t tell me? It tortures me daily. People have told me if she was uncomfortable she would have told me, but before we fell apart she said sometimes when she was upset (in a general sense) she’d be too afraid to tell me bc I got suicidal over every little mistake. So I’m scared all the time.
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