Hello, I joined here like seconds ago and started reading everything on community page and what can I say - at least we are in this together. But I really feel alone sometimes and I feel like I'm crazy or like the only one on this planet with such thoughts. As long as I can remember myself i was always scared. Not like heights, physical things or going on a crazy adventure. I was and still am a pretty adventurous person. I was scared mostly when I was alone. For example, when I was younger ghosts or something like that. And I always thought that I will grow out of it. I'm 20 now and I'm still scared of something bigger than me, I feel like something strange will happen if I dont do things that my mind tells me. There was a time when It got better and I wasn't so afraid, but for the last couple of months it's been the worst. I cant even go out for a run because I know that when I get home I will have to go through the hall way to my flat and im scared. Almost every night my boyfriend walks me to my door. I feel stupid and ashamed. I dont know what to do. I cant control these thoughts. While writing this I had like 5 of them. In the evening its always worse. Is there anyone like me? I really feel lost and alone..

Charles987

Date posted: 5y

Hi. You’re not alone, I have a lot of the same thoughts. You’re not crazy either; it’s the OCD making you feel like that. It’s worse at night for me too. I know it can be really hard to relax when you have intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what might help you, but for me I sometimes listen to podcasts or mediations and sometimes it makes the thoughts calm down a little. I hope maybe it will help you too. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and it won’t always be like this. Be well.

LaBeta

Date posted: 5y

I've never been so open about this and I'm literally crying because I thought that I'm the only one. This means so much. It's a really great idea. I've noticed that I become more calm when I listen or watch something. I guess I just feel more stressed when I'm alone.

jimochi

Date posted: 5y

I totally understand you I'm just like you when I was younger I was scared of ghosts or something like that and like you as long as I remember myself I'm always scared of somethings but I'm not afraid of roller coasters or somethings like that for example now I'm scared of what if I became psychopath or schizophrenic or something like that so don't think that you're alone in this I hope you will get better soon

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I have a friend who I believe has OCD but isn't diagnosed, she's exactly the same and can't stand being left alone or being in the dark, she also gets feelings that she's being watched if she is alone and gets hyper aware of her own behaviour. I'm very confident that with exposure to the stuff that scares you and finding that you can survive all of it, you can become a really confident and flexible person. Remember, courage isn't the absence of fear, it's doing what's best in spite of the fear. You don't have to feel stupid or ashamed.

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

I still suffer with the same theme. I currently have hocd on the front of my mind, but from like 11 on I stopped being able to comfortably sleep alone because I was afraid that I would wake up and see something standing over me. Creepy shit DID happen in my house, but nothing ever, ever, ever happened that should have made me react like that. I still hate sleeping alone it fucking terrifies me. As a teenager I would call my friend at like 1:00 AM to come get me so that I didn't have to sleep in a room alone. Now I live with my boyfriend and when he gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night I always wake up and have to cover my head with the blanket because I get scared. From the ages 11 to only like a year ago I alway used to have to sleep with my head covered with my blanket. If I sleep at my parent house I still have to. It's weird If I go literally anywhere other than my parents house that sleeping with the blanket over my head ritual goes away. It was really bad because I would get so hot under the blanket that I'd always wake up in a pool of sweat.

LaBeta

Date posted: 5y

I know exactly how you feel. I'm also scared to go to sleep. Sometimes I'm so so tired but I just dont try to fall asleep because I dont want to close my eyes. Sometimes i just see some messed up images in my head and I leave a light on because it makes me not that scared. I go to sleep like at 4 o'clock because then there is morning light outside, so I feel more comfortable.

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

@LaBeta When I lived with my parents and that theme was really bad I used to stay up late because I would get caught up watching videos on my phone and stuff like that. If I realized that I wanted to go to sleep and it was too close to 3:00 AM I would force myself to stay awake until daylight broke as a compulsion.

Beebuh

Date posted: 5y

Im really scared of ghosts and feel paranoid at times :( I’m 21

Mitu_001

Date posted: 25w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

The Nervous ...

Date posted: 23w

Years of constant Anxiety leading to Panic attacks

I am trying to see if there are others like me. For the past 12 years, I’ve had crippling Anxiety that leads to intense panic attacks. I’ve been in and out of Ambulances and ER rooms and have called 911 several times. The panic is that intense. I can be just driving down the road and out of no where, BOOM! Hit by the anxiety bus. Most of the time it leads to me panicking, thinking I’m going to die or something is fatally wrong with me. The fear is so intense that I can only find a fraction of calmness by consistently checking my blood pressure, putting on a pulsometer and even checking my blood sugar until it passes. I’m not even a diabetic. I’m always having intrusive thoughts that doctors can’t even fix me. I’ve never met anyone else like me. I feel so scared sometimes that I’m going to loose my mind and that I’m going crazy and will end up in a straight jacket. Then I get another attack just thinking about that as well. Starting new medications freak me out too. If I experience ANY minor side effect, I immediately panic and freak out. I’m being so held back by this . This is a constant obsession that I can’t shake. It’s like I walk hand in hand with Anxiety and panic. Anyone else ever had these issues?

autumnweav

Date posted: 20w

new member/ finally seeking help

hi everyone, i just joined and this is my first time really seeking help for my mental health. i’ve always thought i could handle the thoughts on my own but it’s getting harder every day and starting to becoming debilitating in some aspects of my life. i’m not educated enough on a lot of forms of OCD and i’ve never spoken to a professional (i plan to soon) but i think i may have some form of harm OCD? reading the descriptions of it and learning about others stories, i feel i can safely say i have experienced harm OCD, however the bulk of my thoughts don’t revolve around me hurting someone, instead i have very graphic and intrusive thoughts/ visions of my loved ones dying in all kinds of ways. I obsessively watch my boyfriends location as he drives because i need to be sure he is alive and moving. when he leaves i have to say the same prayer (i am not religious) like a mantra three times. if i see a loved one a “dangerous” situation, say standing at the top of stairs, stepping on rocks at the beach, leaning on a balcony, etc. i will have INCREDIBLY real and vivid images flash in my head of them dying. the images are so graphic and make me have a visceral physical reaction. some images have stuck with me for years and they will “flash” in my head all day, every day. almost every time i shower, walk by a curb, i have a split second image of me or a loved one tripping and hitting my head. i will be sitting on the couch and see the corner of a table and my whole body will shiver hard because i imagined slipping and hitting my head. sometimes this makes me stay up all night because i can’t control or stop the thoughts and i will have a panic attack. I also have always really bad thoughts revolving driving. i drive a LOT and luckily it hasn’t interfered with my ability to do so, but since i started driving almost ten years ago i have had the same little mantra that i repeat three times EVERY time i put the car in drive. i have several items in my car that can not leave or i am convinced something horrible will happen. this year i got a new car and i had horrible panic attacks and anxiety leading up, to the point where i almost considered backing out. i sobbed when i tried to Not transfer my “safety items” from my last car to my new one. i am proud to say that there were a couple items that i was able to throw out, not including a dead, petrified beetle (gross i know) that i have kept 3 different cars (for OCD reasons, im not gross) last thing for this post- for as long as i can remember, i do this thing where i poke my fingernails into my palms very hard until i feel pain so i can assure that im alive. kind of like a “pinch me im dreaming thing”. i will not cut my nails short because when i do, the poking doesn’t “hurt enough” so i cant reassure myself that im alive. i do it every time death is mentioned, i do it every. single. time. a semi truck is driving past me. i do it every time i have an intrusive thought, every time i see a motorcyclist, every time i feel “jinxed”, every time someone is driving too fast, etc. etc. etc. i did not expect to write so much in this first post, it just all kind of came out so if anyone has actually read this, thank you. i think i just want to know what this is and if anyone else has experienced something similar. thank you ❤️

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