- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. And I completely understand how terrifying and scary it can be. I'm dealing with the same issue. However, mine goes even further. Sometimes I have thoughts where I come up with excuses for paedophilia, such children are sweet and cute, and things like this. It's terrible as I can't tell if I mean or not, if it's actually me or just my OCD playing with me. To make it even more difficult, these thoughts don't even seems intrusive anymore... My heart is pounding so fast as I'm typing this. I feel a lot, lot of shame and guilt. I'm sorry.
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- 5y
No it’s ok. I understand what you’re going through. That’s what my brain is doing, finding excuses for it. And it seems reasonable, but then you’re like ‘omg what?!’ It’s insane. I am so sorry you are going through this
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- 5y
@dmuhnyyy Yes, exactly, that's my reaction as well. I ask myself 'how am I able to think something like this?!'. I hate it more than anything. It's terrible.
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- 5y
@corablue It really is. But we have to treat this like any other thoughts/feelings. Remember ocd can give you false feelings as well.
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- 5y
Easer said then done I know but everytime we argue with it or try to analyse it or take It personaly we confirm its right to be heard were engaging with it attention is what it wants and it gets it because it freaks us out
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- 5y
You are right. I am engaging with it way too much and answering to it too much
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- 5y
Hi don't beat yourself up ocd can tell us anything Dont run with it don't play the game see it as what it is a thought nothing more
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- 5y
I made the mistake and I’m trying to reason with it... and now it’s taken over
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- 5y
Happens to me all the time
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- 5y
REALLY?! Ugh I know we shouldn’t seek reassurance but I feel like such a monster. I want to find out if I agree so bad, but I can’t keep giving it attention
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- 5y
@dmuhnyyy Use exposure and other ERP techniques.
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- 5y
Yer it pulls on are attention but it helps if your aware what it's doing then you can try distencing yourself from it
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- 5y
What do you mean?
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- 5y
I myself am a mother and struggle with this alot trying to make sure that I'm not harming my children some how. I've been through sexual abuse as a child and have a hard time with intimate relationships as far as it goes with my husband because I have flash backs and thoughts that I'm harming or will harm my children but he knows that I'm not actually that way. I was scared of talking to a therapist about this cuz I thought my children would be taken away from me for being such a horrible person. But if you truly hate those thoughts and think you're a monster because of those thoughts then that shows you're the opposite of a monster. You just care so deeply that you don't want anyone hurt. ❤️ You're not alone. Don't suffer in silence. Many people don't understand this is simply just a disorder and nothing more.
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- 5y
Thank you for this honey. I really do appreciate it. I have an appointment with my therapist today. I am so excited. I don’t want to think this way. I don’t want to feel sorry for pedophiles!!
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- 5y
Its a horrible condition I hate hearing people like you suffering this get well soon
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- 5y
It is the worst thing to ever happen to me. But thank you. I appreciate your kindness and any advice
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- 5y
Your welcome
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)
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- 13w
I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.
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