- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi, I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. And I completely understand how terrifying and scary it can be. I'm dealing with the same issue. However, mine goes even further. Sometimes I have thoughts where I come up with excuses for paedophilia, such children are sweet and cute, and things like this. It's terrible as I can't tell if I mean or not, if it's actually me or just my OCD playing with me. To make it even more difficult, these thoughts don't even seems intrusive anymore... My heart is pounding so fast as I'm typing this. I feel a lot, lot of shame and guilt. I'm sorry.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
No it’s ok. I understand what you’re going through. That’s what my brain is doing, finding excuses for it. And it seems reasonable, but then you’re like ‘omg what?!’ It’s insane. I am so sorry you are going through this
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@dmuhnyyy Yes, exactly, that's my reaction as well. I ask myself 'how am I able to think something like this?!'. I hate it more than anything. It's terrible.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@corablue It really is. But we have to treat this like any other thoughts/feelings. Remember ocd can give you false feelings as well.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Easer said then done I know but everytime we argue with it or try to analyse it or take It personaly we confirm its right to be heard were engaging with it attention is what it wants and it gets it because it freaks us out
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You are right. I am engaging with it way too much and answering to it too much
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi don't beat yourself up ocd can tell us anything Dont run with it don't play the game see it as what it is a thought nothing more
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I made the mistake and I’m trying to reason with it... and now it’s taken over
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Happens to me all the time
- Date posted
- 4y ago
REALLY?! Ugh I know we shouldn’t seek reassurance but I feel like such a monster. I want to find out if I agree so bad, but I can’t keep giving it attention
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@dmuhnyyy Use exposure and other ERP techniques.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yer it pulls on are attention but it helps if your aware what it's doing then you can try distencing yourself from it
- Date posted
- 4y ago
What do you mean?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I myself am a mother and struggle with this alot trying to make sure that I'm not harming my children some how. I've been through sexual abuse as a child and have a hard time with intimate relationships as far as it goes with my husband because I have flash backs and thoughts that I'm harming or will harm my children but he knows that I'm not actually that way. I was scared of talking to a therapist about this cuz I thought my children would be taken away from me for being such a horrible person. But if you truly hate those thoughts and think you're a monster because of those thoughts then that shows you're the opposite of a monster. You just care so deeply that you don't want anyone hurt. ❤️ You're not alone. Don't suffer in silence. Many people don't understand this is simply just a disorder and nothing more.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you for this honey. I really do appreciate it. I have an appointment with my therapist today. I am so excited. I don’t want to think this way. I don’t want to feel sorry for pedophiles!!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Its a horrible condition I hate hearing people like you suffering this get well soon
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It is the worst thing to ever happen to me. But thank you. I appreciate your kindness and any advice
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- 4y ago
Your welcome
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
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