- Username
- dmuhnyyy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi, I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. And I completely understand how terrifying and scary it can be. I'm dealing with the same issue. However, mine goes even further. Sometimes I have thoughts where I come up with excuses for paedophilia, such children are sweet and cute, and things like this. It's terrible as I can't tell if I mean or not, if it's actually me or just my OCD playing with me. To make it even more difficult, these thoughts don't even seems intrusive anymore... My heart is pounding so fast as I'm typing this. I feel a lot, lot of shame and guilt. I'm sorry.
No it’s ok. I understand what you’re going through. That’s what my brain is doing, finding excuses for it. And it seems reasonable, but then you’re like ‘omg what?!’ It’s insane. I am so sorry you are going through this
@dmuhnyyy Yes, exactly, that's my reaction as well. I ask myself 'how am I able to think something like this?!'. I hate it more than anything. It's terrible.
@corablue It really is. But we have to treat this like any other thoughts/feelings. Remember ocd can give you false feelings as well.
Easer said then done I know but everytime we argue with it or try to analyse it or take It personaly we confirm its right to be heard were engaging with it attention is what it wants and it gets it because it freaks us out
You are right. I am engaging with it way too much and answering to it too much
Hi don't beat yourself up ocd can tell us anything Dont run with it don't play the game see it as what it is a thought nothing more
I made the mistake and I’m trying to reason with it... and now it’s taken over
Happens to me all the time
REALLY?! Ugh I know we shouldn’t seek reassurance but I feel like such a monster. I want to find out if I agree so bad, but I can’t keep giving it attention
@dmuhnyyy Use exposure and other ERP techniques.
Yer it pulls on are attention but it helps if your aware what it's doing then you can try distencing yourself from it
What do you mean?
I myself am a mother and struggle with this alot trying to make sure that I'm not harming my children some how. I've been through sexual abuse as a child and have a hard time with intimate relationships as far as it goes with my husband because I have flash backs and thoughts that I'm harming or will harm my children but he knows that I'm not actually that way. I was scared of talking to a therapist about this cuz I thought my children would be taken away from me for being such a horrible person. But if you truly hate those thoughts and think you're a monster because of those thoughts then that shows you're the opposite of a monster. You just care so deeply that you don't want anyone hurt. ❤️ You're not alone. Don't suffer in silence. Many people don't understand this is simply just a disorder and nothing more.
Thank you for this honey. I really do appreciate it. I have an appointment with my therapist today. I am so excited. I don’t want to think this way. I don’t want to feel sorry for pedophiles!!
Its a horrible condition I hate hearing people like you suffering this get well soon
It is the worst thing to ever happen to me. But thank you. I appreciate your kindness and any advice
Your welcome
Can POCD make you feel like you don’t know why sexually abusing children is wrong, just that you’re afraid of becoming a child abuser for whatever reason? I’m constantly struggling to figure out why pedophilia doesn’t make me disgusted or angry enough. I feel like I’m actually a pedophile who doesn’t know it yet or is in denial. I know I shouldn’t ruminate but I feel like there’s some truth to the thing I’m constantly obsessing over.
Pocd is really eating at me right now. I’m getting more and more convinced that I’m actually a pedophile. I’m not even sure if I’m having intrusive thoughts or if I’m suppressing fantasies. There’s a lot of moral debates going on in my mind and it’s convincing me that I also like bestiality, incest, etc.
Im sorry for a long post but I'm very scared Prior to few weeks ago I didn't have any sexual thoughts regarding children EVER, and if I did then I really can't remember. But ever since I started worrying about the possibility that I might be attracted to them, I just felt severely awful. And it's getting worse and worse overtime. What started as just me worrying that I might be attracted to kids has now turned into a deep belief that there is a very dark and real part of me that is, in fact, a pedophile. I even started having intrusive but pleasurable fantasies about children and it's driving me absolutely sick. I really wish that it's just a very extreme form of POCD and not actually me turning into a monster, but with each passing day my hope is fading away, replaced with pure disgust in myself and unwillingness to live like this. Has anyone here ever went through something similar?
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