Hi! I am Mario, a 30 year old guy. I am an OCD sufferer, like most of you on this app. I was recently introduced to this app by a good friend. I have been contemplating sharing my own story with everyone for a few years now, in the hopes of providing support and giving strength to people that suffer with OCD and mental illness in general. I wanna start by saying how inspired I am by each and everyone of you! You've all been dealt a bad hand in life. However, you are still here, fighting for your lives and surviving each day, no matter how hard it is. To me, YOU are the real heroes, you are MY heroes. You are a living proof that anything can be achieved with true effort, resilience, persistence and help from specialised professionals. My story with mental illnesses and other adversities go back to my early life. I had the bad luck to live in a house and raised by an alcoholic parent. That alone was challenging enough. As a result of a difficult childhood, trauma, mental and physical abuse, I ended up developing depression by the age of 10. Chemical imbalance in my brain didn't help either. My tough childhood also triggered my OCD, which manifested in having contamination fears and checking rituals. I would disinfect every area in my house that had been touched by anybody else, wash my hands excessively, take long showers and check doors and switches repeatedly. As the years went by, my depression and OCD got worse, but I could still manage somehow. Then, at the age of 18, I came across another traumatic experience. I served in the army, which is mandatory in my country, for two years. Two years, I had to deal with everything that army implies; I had to live with many other soldiers, having to clean filthy common areas and be in a very dirty environment. I could see "dangers" everywhere around me. My OCD started becoming really severe. I even experienced PTSD because of my military service. That's when I first seeked professional help. Two years later, as my service in the army came to an end, I was a different person. I would wash my hands for several hours consecutively and take showers that would last up to six hours. My skin would get very irritated and bleed. It was so painful but I couldn't stop doing my compulsions. Nothing was more painful though that my mental pain. I was tormented by intrusive thought every single minute of the day; trully disgusting and disturbing thoughts, thoughts that were unheard of. I would very often shake, cry and scream while washing my hands and showering; all I wanted was the thoughts to go away, to find peace. During my early twenties, I enrolled in 3 different university courses abroad. Every time, I was forced to drop out, since I was not able to study, go to my lectures or look after myself. OCD would take up my entire day. There were times I was unable to leave my room, after trying to lock the door for an hour. Many times I would attempt to cook something, only to give up after a while because I thought that I had contaminated my food. From the age of 18 until the age of 30, my life was a living hell, the worst nightmare. I tried every kind of therapy. I was on many medications, I did psychotherapy, CBT, ERP, hypnotherapy, acupuncture etc. The last couple of years I tried TMS(transcranial magnetic stimulation) and therapy with ketamine. None of these changed my situation to the slightest. I am still on medication, after 12 years. In addition to depression and OCD, I also developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Suicidal ideation and panic attacks were very frequent. I had given up. I had been contemplating suicide for the last couple of years. I would think of ending my life every single day. I didn't want to end my life, I wanted the pain to stop. I hated everything in my life, even myself. I thought I had hit rock bottom so many times. But every time I fell, I stood on my feet again and kept trying. A few days ago, I had a major OCD episode. I had had enough. I begged my mum to set me free, to let me take my own life. At that moment, I knew that I was drained emotionally, I had nothing more to give. Then, I asked myself; what has been your purpose in life all these years, what kept you going? The answer was so clear; I wanted to survive everything in order to help other people that go through hardships. I wanted to make a change in the world, at least do my part. Make this world a safest place for everyone. I even wanted to inspire others through my story. If I could make it, so can you! Eventually, I realised that I had no option but try once again. And that is when I saw some light at the end of the tunnel for the first time. Today, more than 20 years later, years of pain and torment, I see the future with hope and positity. Now I am ready to move on. I am ready to fulfil my goals. I am ready to fight alongside other OCD and mental health sufferers, having the insight of my own experience. I will do my best to love myself, and be grateful for being alive and so should you. Never lose hope, never give up. You can all live a healthy life. It does get better! This is my story in a nutshell. There are so many details that I will disclose in the future, in order to help people that haven't experienced what me and all of you have, get a better idea of mental health. I am here for anyone that needs someone to talk to. I am available to LISTEN to you and do my best to alleviate your pain. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me. Feel free to message me anytime. Let's aspire to have the life we all deserve to have. And never forget that you are special and lovable. Try to find the answers in the depths of your soul. Speak out, ask for help. That is what psychologists and psychiatrists are for. Thank you for spending some time to listen to my story. I hope to have managed to make one step closer to you. Now it's your turn! Let's be OCD survivors and not sufferers anymore!