My OCD is HIV phobia. I’m not sexually active, use drugs and/or needles, and I have not received a transfusion, so I should understand that there’s no way I could get HIV. However, my mind manages to come up scary scenarios. Recently, I was at work, and I left my food in my backpack, at lunch time I took out a smoothie juice bottle and started drinking. Once the juice was finished I started to think that perhaps the teacher I work with might have opened my backpack took out the bag in it, found the juice and then proceeded to put HIV infected blood into it. And why did she do that? Well because I had been late in the last few days, so I wasn’t there to help her with the first class, as a result she decided to get revenge by adding HIV infected blood into my juice. And that’s what I’m obsessing over now. Could this teacher be capable of that? Would that be possible? Is it logical? I don’t know anymore, I’m afraid all the time. I see HIV on door handles, faucets, buses, windows and restaurants. I can’t stopped being scared from it and the fear is horrifying. I’m about to give into my compulsion of taking blood tests, and the only thing stopping me is the fear that the lab might use contaminated needles. I don’t know what to do. And I wonder if maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m the only one that’s this crazy.

Reading your post just now sounded exactly like I was writing it. I have the same exact fear. Worried people are putting hiv in my food and drinks because they’re mad at me. I also see hiv on things in public. Also afraid of contaminated needles at doctors when having my blood taken. and always have to ask for reassurance just like you are right now on this app. I know what it feels like to be in the moment you’re in. It feels so real. But it’s just not. I sound like a hypocrite because tomorrow I will be back in your shoes over again. Being afraid. And then only to always find out i have come back negative on all tests. I can’t tell you to not go get a blood test. But I can tell you, from someone who’s been doing this and living this for years, that you don’t need to

Thank you for your reply. It helps to know that I’m not alone in the world with this fear. Yesterday, once again something happened and this time it freaked me out even more. I work at a school, and the teacher I worked with told me she had cut her hand with scissors earlier in the morning. She had also been touching the locks, lockers and keys. Same keys that I handled about 35 to 45 mins later. I’m afraid she could have inadvertently left some blood residue on the keys, the lockers, the locks or the handles. Although I just touched it with my hand, I’m afraid I might have had some micro cuts. That maybe I touched my eyes and don’t remember. I called the helpline and they informed me that getting HIV from a surface such as door handles, lockers or keys is not possible. But they also say that maybe if the blood was fresh there could be a remote chance. So I fixate on that and it is now killing me. Any other person wouldn’t even consider this situation a danger, but I’m terrified that I could have touched blood residues from the locker or keys. How do you cope with it?

Hi there, is just a great relief have found your experience, because right now I'm living all these situations that you describe, from thinking that may be some one has accidentally or intentionally had dropped blood on my food, or that some how I touch something with blood on the gym or some other place, the most recent event that shock me at all was when I was on the barber, and the guy made me a surface cut on my skin making me bleed just a little bit, but I swear I was on big danger, so i called an HIV phone line, ask my doctor and so, telling me the same, that is technically possible but unlikely because never has happen... even when I get tested I thought that may be the needle is contaminated, so I replay all the procedure on my mind severeal times... When I tell my girlfriend or friends about this they just tell me "stop thinking about that is not possible" I want to stop thinking about it, but as much I think it more real looks to me... so far I have started to stop looking for stuff and information on internet that has help me a lot... and find that some others are getting on this is a great relief!