How can I stop feeling “off” or stop being so aware of life if that makes sense? I mainly deal with existential and suicidal OCD so I’m guess that those two themes are what make me feel weird because I can’t even watch how someone’s life is going or think about my own life without having intrusive thoughts and feelings about how none of it has any meaning or none of it matters and how being excited to get a your favorite latte or going to the park to bask in the sunshine is meaningless. And I want to reiterate that I HATE feeling that way, I want to do all these cute and fun things but it’s such a downer when the thoughts and feelings come in anyways and try to rain on my parade. Sometimes I feel like I’m up above looking at everyone else living their “trivial” lives while it doesn’t mean anything but I don’t want to feel that way I want to enjoy every moment no matter how small, but I don’t want to be so hyper aware about life and what it means and what I do, that’s why I think that has to do with the existential ocd, and of course the suicidal ocd plays in there saying I should kill myself and I DONT WANT TO! This is all so annoying. Sometimes I wonder if starting meds would help stop these feelings and thoughts and fears. I normally do all the things I want to do, I go out with friends, watch my favorite shows, eat my favorite foods, have general fun, but can I stop having the thoughts and feelings saying otherwise?

I’ve been doing therapy through NOCD since March. I can definitely say my OCD has gotten better in how it’s affected my compared to before therapy, but I still get unpleasant moments and sometimes it builds up into “why is this happening???” But I’m still able to enjoy myself for the most part, it’s just having the lingering and overhanging thoughts and feelings of trying to ruin that that well...ruin the mood or at least try to

I think meds might definitely work, I used to be on a take as needed anxiety medication that worked wonders but it made me lightheaded so I stopped. I’ve been in therapy for a few months now and there has been definitely progress! I think OCD morphs into different angles to try and get us in new areas so that could be it. Do you have any recommendations for workbooks?

@Evelyn4416 I used to be on meds when I was younger but it wasn’t even as bad as it is now and I’m not on any medication, but I really don’t want to get back on it so I was going to look into a workbook. I haven’t tried one yet but if I do get one I’ll let you know if it’s good, and I could always research some and let you know depending on what you’re looking for. I’m glad that there’s progress, that’s always good to look at when you’re feeling down !

I’ve been in therapy for a few months with an OCD specialist. I go back and forth thinking hey this is just OCD I’m good and then doubting if it is and the circle goes around. I would say I’ve been improving since starting therapy but throughout the day it’s ups and downs, but before it was all downs

@Evelyn4416 I definitely have those same feelings. Keep working hard and things will improve!