- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You had your privacy violated and it was absolutely not your fault.
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh no! I’m so sorry that happened, he completely invaded your privacy! I know first hand that I wouldn’t want anyone to find my journal so I can’t imagine the feelings you are experiencing! But please remember, you are not your thoughts. You are not defined by these thoughts, you are defined by your actions ? please don’t give up on journaling. there are a couple places you can get boxes that you can lock, I would suggest getting one of those for your journals!
- Date posted
- 5y
Ugh. That’s devastating. I don’t know how old he is and whether you can reason with him or your parents why that’s not ok. But please, don’t give up your writing. Can you maybe get a lock box if needed? In the meantime, I’m sending you healing vibes because being violated in any way is just so hard to deal with. And it’s so cruel how often guilt accompanies it, because it’s not at all your fault. Gentle wishes your way.
- Date posted
- 5y
thank you! i was thinking about getting a lock box. he’s 19
- Date posted
- 5y
@getting_better Ugh, he’s old enough to understand how wrong that is. I don’t know if he’ll respond or not if you try to (as calmly as possible) explain why that is so NOT OK. You know him and your parents to know if it’s worth bringing up. Maybe explain how writing is not a threat to anyone? I really don’t know, but I honestly wish you peace in all of this. It sounds like they do care or they wouldn’t “care” to check your phone, but that doesn’t make violating your privacy or threatening your healthy coping mechanism ok. Really wishing the best for you!
- Date posted
- 5y
Wishing you nothing but the best ???
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh man that's my worst nightmare lol I have written all sorts of stuff testing my OCD ideas, writing the worries as if they're true, writing the opposite, trying to see what "feels right". If your parents are controlling enough to do phone checks then I doubt they'd do much about your brother's behaviour and I imagine you're less than thrilled with the idea of bringing it up. I second a lock box. And remember that there are people you can talk to about how you're treated or spoken to at home, including your therapist and teachers. Your parents may do phone checks to try to ensure your safety as an alternative to building trust with you so that you can talk to them openly- a lot of us have been through this, as parents are often not emotionally available and stable enough in themselves to choose healthy parenting methods. They likely have your interests at heart, but that kind of boundary crossing behaviour can feel very violating and lead to you having long term issues with boundaries. As you get older, please make a note to yourself to do reading and work around boundaries and toxic shame- if I'd known to look into those things years ago, my life could've gone a lot more positively. If there are other things, I hope you know that not being allowed privacy is actually considered emotional abuse and there are people who will take it seriously if you're miserable at home. The feeling that it's your fault probably comes from the shame you're feeling about someone invading your privacy, of course it's entirely his bad behaviour but that shame can easily skew things to feeling like your fault. Processing the shame could be a good way to get through this rough patch without it becoming a new obsession.
- Date posted
- 5y
thank you so much! i’m thinking about getting a lock box, i’m just afraid they would start asking what i’m hiding and like that type of stuff
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
hello everybody! 🔞 last saturday i did something i shouldn't have done, and i even posted about it here, but no one responded to my post (it's okay, i completely understand). to inform you, since i deleted the post: i consumed erotic literature where two 14 year old children had a relationship (☠️), on wattpad. and i consumed this theme to see if i was really attracted to it..i think. i'm unsure about it, but i know i didn't feel anything consuming it. i was feeling extremely anxious and felt extremely bad the next day, and i only got better when i talked to my girlfriend and an online friend. i'm still feeling bad, i know i shouldn't have done it and whenever i'm feeling genuinely good, it comes back to haunt me.. i'm worried because i'm not feeling enough guilt or remorse, idk.. i feel bad and i regret it, and i can't stand going through this problem anymore.. i was in therapy a few months ago, but i stopped for financial reasons and my psychologist doesn't see me virtually anymore. it's been difficult.. just a vent.
- Date posted
- 20w
four days ago now, i made a post talking about how the ocd moment i always imagined i’d have no future after if it ever happened actually did happen to me. to reiterate, i have a compulsion to look at every single woman’s chest i see, knowing that i will get some sort of physical feeling when i do it (most of the time). lately, instead of groinals, it’s been my mouth watering, which feels even more disgusting. i have avoided looking at any of my family members for a while because of this aspect of my ocd, especially as its gotten much worse. when i got to my moms apartment complex the other day, i saw a woman in the distance and compulsively looked at her chest and allowed myself to have that disgusting mouth watering in response. i looked up to see that it was my sister. like i said, i imagined that if i were to ever do this accidentally, i couldn’t imagine my life beyond it. i’d have to go. it’s been four days since this happened and i still cannot believe that it happened. every time i think about it i want to disappear forever. i haven’t gone to work or really gotten out of my bed, and am on my phone non-stop to keep my mind shut off. i dont know how to live from here. i feel like i secretly hope that someone will tell me it’s not that bad, but i know that it is truly horrible. in all these years i’ve never had an ocd moment even remotely as horrifying, real, and life-altering as this one. please, if anyone has dealt with something even remotely similar, please offer any advice or thoughts you feel like sharing. this feels like my end
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi this is my first time posting on here. I wasn't sure if I should because I want to make sure I'm not seeking reassurance because I heard that makes ocd worse. I don't want to talk about what my ocd problem was, but basically I was really upset about a religious ocd problem that I know isn't true. I'm feeling a lot better about it now, but when it was bad I decided to try and get better on my own. I read about ERP therapy and how you're supposed to make a list of your ocd problems, from least distressing to most. So I wrote them down on two pieces of paper. At first I started with the simple ones, like looking for spiders before leaving the room. I have a tendency to look for spiders before leaving a room but lately I've been trying not to anymore. Then I decided to try and do one of the hard things. It was a religious ocd problem. I decided to start simple, and just write the problem down on a piece of paper. So I went downstairs and got some paper. But then I thought, oh no, my ocd is probably not going to like this. What do I do with the paper once I write it down? If I think what I wrote down is bad and going to upset God and I will go to hell, (even though I know logically it's not), my ocd is probably going to freak out if I throw away the paper. It probably won't calm down unless I erase it. So I just decided to not write it down on a paper, and just type it on my phone instead. So I did, I typed it on my phone. So, even though I didn't write anything down on the paper, now it feels like that peice of paper is bad. I feel like it's connected to the problem I was having, and I was so upset I called my mom crying asking her what to do. Eventually I decided to just put the paper back with the rest of the paper downstairs, but I'm still upset. I feel like I have to throw away all the paper downstairs, the pencil I was going to use to write down the problem, and the eraser I was going to use in case I needed to erase anything. It feels like if I use any of those items I will make God angry and go to hell. I know I shouldn't do this though, so I'm not going to. I don't know what to do with the papers where I wrote down my ocd problems. They are on my desk and I'm too afraid to move them. And if I put them in my desk I'm afraid they will get mixed up with other papers. I guess I can do whatever I want with them. I think I'll put them in a folder or binder and if I make any more ocd papers I can just put them in there. I'm just really confused on how to move forward. Right now, I'm too afraid to use the papers, pencil, or eraser for anything. I feel like I can't write on them, draw on them, or anything. It's even making me feel like I can't make digital art. It's making me feel like I can't do a lot of things. I guess what I have to do is just do whatever I want to, because I know the ocd isn't true and doesn't make sense.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond