help? my brother found my journal without me knowing, and read every. single. page. i have severe ocd so i write down all my thoughts in there, which my thoughts are kind of gross and weird. i have no idea what to do. i feel like this is my fault. i left my journal in my room where i thought nobody would look. well, i guess he goes in my room because he found it, and shopped through everything. i’m thinking about just stopping journaling and burning all my books, i can’t do digital either because phone checks. writing was one of my only escapes, and it was taken away from me. (keep in mind these were thoughts not even my therapist knows.)

My girlfriend, who’s become increasingly controlling, read my therapy notes while I was sleeping (the one thing I told her not to read). She found a note I wrote, forgiving myself about a past guilt that I hadn’t in detail told her about, and she accused me of exactly what I fear about myself. A week later, she left me. I am destroyed. I’ve spent the past week desperately trying to rekindle the relationship, and I had some level of peace. I got heavy reassurance from a friend, but I think this was a trigger. A day later, while still focused on the relationship, my brain shifted to the guilt itself, and it went deeper. I am now back to where I was 2 years ago torturing myself over my real event OCD, and thoughts that I’m afraid to mention. I am losing my mind and can’t talk to the person who always accepted me, who I feel almost cured my OCD for two years. Now, here I am back to this app, I really need help, I feel I’ve lost everything.

Please be gentle. (Diagnosed OCD and highly suspected BPD) I lost my grandmother, someone I was very close to a month ago. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, his health is declining rapidly. My grandfather speaks of committing because of the loss of his wife. My job has become completely mentally and physically exhausting. And a close friend blocked me for unknown reasons And I’ve been coping in unhealthy ways. I stupidly weened myself off of my meds after 3 consecutive years of taking meds. I wanted to ‘feel’ again. I am an individual with very strong morals. I’d never usually do things I don’t agree with. For example sending explicit images. Something I’ve never done and said I’d never do. However i recently did it. I’m completely disgusted in myself. I never did it for pleasure, I did it because I liked the positive comments in return. I didn’t show my face in the images, but my tattoos were there, and we exchanged selfies previously. I used a fake name. I panicked and deleted everything after a few days. Blocked him. But I’m terrified he’ll spread them, or they’ll somehow lead back to me. (We are both adults btw) I’m completely disgusted, paranoid and ashamed at what I’ve done. There’s no excuse why, but I can’t forget it, I’m terrified they’ll come back to me somehow. It’s something I’ll never. Ever. Do again. I have no idea how to cope with all of this.

agh .. okay .. i’m so so embarrassed to post this, i’m literally crying .. but i need some help and advice. or maybe just a place to vent. i don’t know yet. so .. i was hanging out with three of my cousins today, and a few friends. one of my cousins was driving us around, and it was a pretty long drive, and we all just chatted, had fun, you know, normal teenager shit. but i couldn’t help but shift my focus onto certain things about my cousin driving — “wow, he’s going so fast, he’s so cool,” “i like the way his hands are gripping the wheel. wow his hands. hands hands hands” “his happy trail looks nice” (we went swimming) “i feel jealous of his girlfriend” and all sorts of things. i just feel. so awful. i don’t want these thoughts at all, and i feel just horrible. my ocd mixed with hypersexuality from trauma is just not helping at all, and i just want to get rid of these thoughts. i feel so disgusted with myself, and i’m scared that even though intrusive thoughts are normal, maybe mine are too far and i’m just “unfixable” or “broken.” any advice on what i could do? :( edit: i would like to add that we’re not even blood cousins, since we’re “related” through my step dad, which makes these thoughts worse and makes my head go, “oh, well, it’s okay!!” aghh. so frustrating :(