I have my first appointment with a psychologist and support worker July 8th... but just waiting for that date feels like my mind is even more messy than it usually is and I can't stand it. I keep convincing myself that I'm wasting their time and that there's nothing wrong with me- that my worst fears are an actuality and I'm just a- I don't even know. It makes absolutely no sense because I can acknowledge that my obsessions are 100% irrational- like I don't smell like sewage, I'm not morbidly obese, my house isn't emanating a foul smell, my house isn't going to spontaneously catch fire, I'm not going to accidently hurt anyone, I don't have a parasite and there are no bugs/rodents running rampant in my house.... I know none of these things are true- I know it's ridiculous tearing my house a part looking for things that arent there, asking my coworker to smell me over and over, googling medical symptoms, dissecting my own stool, throwing up because I make myself so upset, bleaching my floors until my fingers burn- so why the hell do I feel like I'm wasting the psychologists time at that they're going to be mad when they find out nothings wrong?

phoenixsnow

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

I see it as kind of a last ditch effort from your OCD to not get exposed. Like it’s trying to reassure you that everything is fine, but that’s the exact same kind of compulsion that it’s been using to push you around. Good on you for seeking help. Hang in there.

Fear Strikes...

Date posted: 5y

Well said!

Dizzyoxox

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

The won’t be mad regardless because they’re still making money. They work for you. If a house cleaner showed up to clean a house and it was perfectly spotless, they would be happy because they’re still getting paid. :)

Dizzyoxox

Date posted: 5y

See that's a very logical way to look at it and I'm going to try my hardest to see it that way. Thank you so much

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5y

Comment deleted by user

Dizzyoxox

Date posted: 5y

Really?! Oh my. You just made my life feel a little lighter. Like the doctor who did my initial intake said it was olfactory hallucinations but I'd never heard of it before but now that I know someone else... I could cry I'm so freaking happy. Lately it's been worse and I've been struggling with getting to work because I bus but I feel like everyone can smell me and that it's disgusting and that they're all judging me and I'll shove my nose down my shirt every two seconds and try smelling the air around me and just... thanks for sharing that we have something in common- my god, thank you so much

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